Thoughts on Things, Part II

Ah, now THIS is interesting. After reading today’s Daily Mail, it seems that Hayley Williams got married recently.

Well… OK. Good for her, I guess.

Truthfully, I’d forgotten about her until very recently. It was only after I started rewatching Swifty’s videos that I remembered her. She’s in “Bad Blood”, of course.

Honestly, I don’t feel much, good or bad, about the news. Yikes. It’s really been a long, long time since I’ve seen her in something non-Taylor related. Like over a year now at least. Wow. I seem to remember seeing her last around Christmas of 2014, or something. Yikes. Has it been that long?

Hmmm… what should I feel now? Happiness? Relief? Anger? Sadness? Indifference? Nothing at all? I’m not sure.

I guess… that I should feel indifference. I guess. This is still uncharted territory, a little bit.

I mean, I don’t know her, right? Even though I guess I do. Well… we both knew each other, to an extent.

Looking back, it seems like we thought we knew each other better than we really did. Sometimes, and most especially at the end of our relationship, she seemed to think I was someone I wasn’t, and she got the same from me, although that was mostly in the beginning of things, I think.

I think.

From my perspective, it seems as though she didn’t grasp how important the whole “conservative” thing was to me, and she didn’t understand my evolving mentality as the years went on. When we started seeing each other, I was still amazed at the whole telepathy thing and was mostly content to just spend time with her, watching her videos and listening to her music (and fantasizing about her, of course). But as the years went on, and as we both settled in to our routines, my perspective changed and it became more along the lines of what else I could get out of this for myself, which is, I think, how it should have rightly progressed. After all, that’s how all proper relationships develop… I mean- how can we arrange things so that we both profit in a real way, somehow?

What she got out of it was obvious- she got companionship on the road and artistic inspiration. But it was kind of hard for me to see what I could get out of things with her, beyond the basic carnal stuff. After trying and failing to reach out to Taylor directly, I tried offering her and others some of my political and religious ideas, to see if they could offer some help there, but they never much looked into those, beyond what they themselves could get out of them.

So then I started using Hayley, et al. as guinea pigs. I tried a multitude of things on them, with the intent on figuring out what would be of benefit to myself. Which worked very well, IMHO.

But now, that’s kind of over. I’ve learned almost everything they can teach me, I think. So… now what do I do with her?

IDK.

On my part, I didn’t much understand, at least early on, how she viewed me. I think she thought of me as being more distant from her than I thought I was. In retrospect, I don’t think she ever really viewed me as being, say, her boyfriend, or perhaps even as her best friend. I was a very close friend, sure, absolutely, but I don’t think I was ever more than that- which I understand and appreciate. I mean, she didn’t really know me, did she? I mean, she had no idea if I would even stick around, maybe. And even now, this stuff is weird and kind of tough to understand in general sometimes.

And… I thought that she wanted to grow herself and her career differently than what she really wanted, ultimately. Interestingly, I thought she wanted to become the person that Taylor actually did become. Back when I first met Hayley (I think it was in 2008), I thought of Tay as being a Super- Christian country singer with no interest in being an idealized pop culture puppet for an evil wizard. In my youthful naiveté, I thought that Hayley, as a rebellious yet pop oriented alt-rock singer, would be best suited for that role.

So, I got them mixed up. It’s funny how it works out sometimes.

Well, that’s that, at least for now. At the moment, the question between Hayley and me is what will happen not telepathically, but IRL. As I said, my experiments are finished, and I know what powers to use on myself now to make myself successful. So the question becomes, perhaps- if I use my powers IRL to join up with someone close to her, i.e. Taylor, what happens to the two of us then?

I don’t know, but Hayley, if you’re reading this, you need to consider this as a possibility. In almost all ways I’m much, much stronger and more capable now than I’ve ever been. If I choose to snag Taylor for myself… I can get her. It might even be easy. But I still haven’t decided to fully commit to that yet.

Taylor… are you reading this? There is something you should know.

Do you remember when you cancelled Loft 89 at the concert I went to? That wasn’t because of you. It was because of me. It was because I thought that perhaps I wanted to meet you that night so… I cancelled it.

And I think, Taylor, that I saw your dad there standing alone, after the concert. I think it was him. I don’t know if it was really him because I declined to talk to him when I could’ve because… I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. I mean, he looked kinda like him, and he had a VIP / security thing on his neck, and I thought that that probably was him but… I didn’t want to know. I wasn’t ready to ask.

But now I am. Today, I would be more than ready. If I wanted to be.

Things are different now.

Hayley, goodbye and good luck.

I may see you later.

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