This week, I took the plunge.
I’ve been holding off now, procrastinating, for over 10 years. Because I wasn’t ready. Because… I don’t know. Because I wasn’t interested, even though I was.
It’s complicated.
This week, I started reading Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series.
I started reading it because 1) I feel ready to read again about vampires, 2) I was curious to see what all the hubbub was about, way back then, and 3) to see when, exactly, all of… this started.
By which I mean me. The vampire.
When did this start? When did I become known to Hollywood and novelists and everyone else? I don’t know, but I think that Stephanie Meyer can tell me.
I can think of several scenarios vis-a-vis me and Twilight:
1) I have nothing at all to do with Twilight on any level, not even coincidentally.
2) The characters of Edward (and Bella, perhaps) and I have some coincidental similarities. Meaning that I had no influence at all on Meyer when she wrote the books.
3) Meyer created Twilight under my influence without her knowing.
4) Meyer intentionally based Twilight on me. Meaning that I’m “Edward Cullen” in the same way that I’m “Christian Grey”.
I have long believed that Twilight had nothing to do with me, at all, since it was published in 2005, and I don’t think I was influencing things in a major way back then.
But… I’m curious, on so many levels. I need to know, about everything. About the books themselves and about who I am as a person and what I’ve been doing all of these years.
So- I started reading the first book, here and there. I read a chapter, process it, think about it, and then return. I’m up to chapter 11, Complications.
My initial reaction?
My own past has interesting parallels with Bella Swan and Edward, but I’m not sure of what to think yet. I’ll need to read more.
In regards to Edward… my fantasy vampire personality and his own are a perfect match. I mean, they are identical, and he has many of my other habits, as well. Like the driving thing- he speeds constantly and excessively, but is able to use his psychic abilities to easily detect and avoid problems on the road. I used to drive in the same way. And of course his eyes do the exact same thing as mine do in real life. And he talks like I do, in public. And others seem to regard him in the same way that they do me (the people who don’t know I’m a vampire, I mean).
What I don’t have in common with him is his uber-muscular physique, of course, and his love of hunting.
And of course the whole blood drinking thing, and the vampire family thing.
But… when you compare Edward to the fantasy me of ten years ago, there are very, very strong similarities between us. Very very strong. Uncomfortably strong. I’m not sure of what to think.
Is Edward my fantasy vampire person, circa 2005, used in a book? I don’t know. He easily could be. Or- maybe he’s just a vampire, and that’s how fictional (and real, apparently) vampires are.
Now, let’s talk Bella Swan.
Her personality is a very strong match to my real life personality of around 2005. And I say that with an understanding that her character has been criticized as a “blank slate” type character that was designed specifically so that everyone who reads the books would identify with her.
I’m not sure of what to think about that, either.
Like Edward and I, Bella and I have so much in common, down to the odd details, for me to be comfortable. I mean, details like her mom’s personality quirks and appearance (like her hair cut, even), which so closely matches my own. And her dad, Charlie, who so very closely mimics mine in personality.
Bella acts so much like the me of 10 years ago that I’m actually wincing with familiarity while reading the book. And I’m doing it often.
Do others do that, though? Bella is supposed to be an every-person- someone that everyone can see the action through. So, maybe there’s nothing there for me to be concerned about.
And, there are differences. Her bad coordination. Her cooking talents. Her lack of technical knowledge. Her parent’s marital troubles. Her girlfriends. I had none of those, back then.
But… I don’t know. Her personality is just SO MUCH like the me of when the book was published. I don’t know.
And… she’s a girl, of course. I imagine that it is extremely rare for an adult male, aged 25, to have a carbon copy of Bella Swan’s personality. Was I unique, for some reason, in that aspect?
We’ll see. I’ll read more. The Volturi interest me for obvious reasons.
After Twilight, I’ll read the Hunger Games books.
I need to know who I am, and how much influence I’ve had over this world.
I must know.