Here’s another truth: Lately, I haven’t been boosting Taylor so much, if in fact I’ve even been doing it at all.
I used to protect her, 24/7. I don’t anymore.
I’m not sure why, but she’s slipped down my list of priorities.
It’s no secret that I’ve been distancing myself a bit from Hollywood recently. This is because I’ve needed to figure some things out, both in my own personal life, and in the Hollywood world, too (see the below about doubles). And analysis takes time and concentration. So, I guess that’s why.
And in Taylor’s case, there was doubt. I’ll admit that the constant rumors of Taylor “settling down” and raising a family w/ Calvin, no matter how stupid they were, did rattle me a bit. I tend to fall in love very, very hard, and the rumors spooked me. Dumb, I know, but they did. So, I’ve been walling her off from my protections. Not out of malice, but for the sake of self-preservation. And because I need those thoughts for myself now.
So in a sense I’ve been leaving Taylor alone. I still see her, and I still want her to be successful, but I haven’t been protecting her like I used to. And for now, she’s going to need to continue going it alone. I’m still not really “there” yet, in my own personal life.
One day, I will be. But not now.
P.S. Christina Grimmie’s death still looms large. I need to think about all of this some more, before really committing to anything.
I need time.