Alright, so I set a date. Dec. 31St, 2021. If nothing’s better by then I’ll make it a point to kill myself on that night. Great, fantastic.
I mean, it’s a year away. If by then things aren’t better for me, than they never will be and it’s frankly dumb to continue on. Should be easy to justify, then. Great idea, Tom.
Yeah, and it truly is, isn’t it? I feel so free. Like a tremendous load has been lifted from my shoulders. I feel great. I’ll give it a year and two Christmases, then. And we’ll see. If I still want to die by then, boom, off goes my head, lol. Or narcotics- I have enough to kill an elephant. Or both. Not an issue.
In other stupid news, I went and left a message on Cady’s insta, on her first post, using my real name this time…
I wish you were still alive. You had a uniquely beautiful soul and your music meant the world to me. I will always treasure what you gave to this world and I thank you every time I listen to one of your songs. You were one of the few bright spots in this ugly world and it hurts that you had to leave so early, when you were so young… I wish you all the luck in the next world. Who knows maybe I will meet you there and we can talk music or something. Thank you so much for everything, Cady. Farewell and God bless.
Gerd I STILL feel like crying. And I don’t want to, because I don’t know if I will ever be able stop when I start. I mean it’s about waaaaay more than that one chick, I feel. And it’s the middle of the day and I don’t want anyone to see me, ’cause I don’t want anyone to know.
I’ll need to wait for tonight, and we’ll see. It’s so empty and lonely and cold and dark in my grisly room that I should be able to do what I want to do, uninterrupted. I mean I have the whole floor basically to myself, thank fuck. Not that I WANT to spend tonight crying, mind you, but I think I’m going to, whether I want to or not. I just don’t think I will be able to contain it, I think.
Maybe I just need more drugs, lol. Maybe that’s it, I always feel dreadful when I hit the precipice of getting withdrawals, lol. That is such an awful feeling, it is. Just nasty as hell.
Yeah, that’s it. Drugs it is, then. I’ll pop a handful of pills and let’s see how I feel tonight. Hopefully not sad, lol.
Yup, sounds like a plan!
Glad my life is going so well.