Blech.
Ughk, yuck. I’ve been robbed of my ability to feel happiness, save for what the drugs give me. This is hardly fair.
I’m not going to stop using, though. I refuse. I will use again, this afternoon. I have the time blocked off on my calendar. Not going to stop. No, not for anything. No, not, no matter how good it would be for me in the end.
I guess it’s an excuse. A reason to fail. A reason at least to not try, maybe. I don’t know.
I just wish I didn’t get so horribly, nastily SICK when I didn’t use. I wish I wouldn’t lose my mind with worry that I wouldn’t get it again. A worry that seems to frighten me more than anything else.
I’m in trouble, lol. I just feel so STUCK gawd damn it.
Oof, oh god, this sucks, lol. But at least for tonight I can avoid my problems again, like I always do. Like I’m forced to.
Ooh gerd, lol. The pain, lol, the horrible, horrible pain, lmao. Whatevs.
Life goes on.