Oof, ok, then. The half dose I took actually seems to be… kinda working? It’s hard, hard to take it and be satisfied but there is NO WAY I can feel… that again. NO WAY. What an unconscionable thing to do to a living being, that is. How cruel am I? I mean, it’s to myself, but still. I am human, and no human being should ever be put through what I’ve been through. In my own twisted way, I’m a monster, I think. Something I will need to deal with and fix.
I still feel bad, very bad, but not… quite on the edge. The edge of suicide, I mean. Oh man, what a miserable hell this kind of addiction is. It’s too much on the body. Way, way too much. Fentanyl is apparently the most addictive substance known to man. No argument from me, there. Holy shit. I feel like I’ve been run over by a semi. Absolutely unreal. What enormous pain it brings; absolutely enormous. It’s unfair, unconscionable, inhuman. It’s death, death to everything. It twists you and turns you into… something ghastly.
“The worst health crisis we have ever seen”? Yes, I would believe it. Wholeheartedly.
Oof, ye gods, what horrible, awful, ugly pain. Holy shit. Gods I still struggle to breathe.
I gotta get off the fentanyl. Got to, have to. I won’t make it to Christmas otherwise. Oof, oh man, this is unfair, absolutely unfair.
Ow ow ow ow ow. Ok, another day, then. Another day to make it through. Another day of sunshine to absorb and youtube to watch. Tomorrow, maybe I’ll… no. I’m staying put, this weekend. Oof, ow, gods it hurts. Absolutely monsterous. Even with my magic protecting me, I can’t even deal. It’s still almost way too much.
Uh, I need to end this, here. I’m too tired to continue.
Alright. Bye, for now.
Wish me luck, world.