Halloween 2020, Part III

I’m not sure why I’m even still blogging. Bored, I guess.

I suppose one could get a sick thrill out of documenting the death of a country, or something. Yeah, that might be it.

Well, at least there is still something of a community, here. Count your blessings. Not too many heroin addicts dying on the street corners in broad daylight like there are in other parts of majority-white US. Yet. Though I see more of that stuff now, more than I used to, certainly. I guess the relative wealth of this area has kept it insulated from too much of that.

I do see heroin addicts now, though. I mean, in other parts of town, poorer parts, where they used to be none, when I was a kid. The death of the United States is like the slow erosion of a continent. It happens through years, though it’s effects are unmistakable and permanent when done. It’s like some kind of creeping, omnipotent death, nipping at my heels.

There really is nothing more awful or sad than seeing the heroin addicts on the streets where the businesses used to be in the neighboring town, here. It’s… awful. They look like the walking dead. Nobody who values their lives goes there at night, anymore. It’s like a zombie infestation.

I mean, you can get heroin in my neighborhood too, but it’s not like that.

Oof, speaking of which… yeah. Ugh, ow. I CAN’T give in, lol. Yeesh. Oof, I CAN’T. I mean I want to, so badly, but no, I CAN’T. No, nope, no, never, I can’t. No way, no how will I even consider it. No way. No way, no way, no way. Never.

Ugh. Well… wait, what was I thinking about? LOL. Oh yeah, death, or something. Heroin. Right. So uh…. yeah.

WHEW. Jeebus, I seriously shouldn’t have even though of it, I need another hit. Damn it, FUCK. I had this great train of thought going and then… BAM. Ughk, I’m shaking, again. Oof, so dumb. Throat is closing up, skin gets… paler. Eyes scream, nerves turn to jelly, horrible twisting pain in my stomach. A hit WOULD calm me. It would. And make me feel loved, again. Like… a warming hug, all over inside of me. It would be heaven, so much. I just need ONE, that’s it. Only one. I NEED IT. SO MUCH.

Yeah, ugh. Oof. OW. I mean, it’s just so wonderful, isn’t it? IDK what I was saying, earlier. Maybe I’M the dumbass, lol.

Yeah, woah. A hit would be so good, right now. Like, so good. So pleasant, so beautiful. It would make me whole, again.

I’m… getting one?

I… should. Just once. No harm. Just once.

Yeah… I…

Um…

I need to stop.

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