I think I’ve figured out why I always feel so tired.
Some googling has led me to accounts from former heroin addicts, and a number of them seem to have suffered the same… feelings, I guess, of extreme tiredness, that I’m feeling right now.
It’s the dopamine, or rather the lack of it. Your body gets accustomed to the dopamine provided from the drugs and it stops manufacturing it itself, causing an extreme loss of energy when withdrawal symptoms hit. It lasts for months, fucking MONTHS. Like, literally, half a year, in some cases. The body needs to learn how to manufacture it’s own dopamine again, and re-adjust accordingly.
The double whammy of morphine and fentanyl addiction in my case was at least as damaging to my body, I think, as what I would get from a typical heroin addiction. This is my new running paradigm, here. After all- heroin, is, at it’s essence, a method of delivering morphine faster and more efficiently to the nervous system. It’s not a morphine replacement; it’s a morphine derivative. An addiction to tablet morphine + fentanyl patches + lesser known but also very powerful narcotics like hydromorphone (all in the highest legal dosages) has basically turned me into a human zombie and wrecked my life and my health to an absurd degree.
Going forward, I will probably need to find inspiration and information in the stories of people that have overcome massive heroin or fentanyl addictions. Somehow I doubt typical addiction advice or scheduling will work in my case.
At any rate, I feel like I’m going to pass out.
Fuck this.