A re-reading of last night’s post was interesting, to say the least. It looks as though one of my alters took the time to vent about Jayden and Jules, which I remember doing- somewhat- but not like that.
This is all really weird, and complicated.
Well, I had time today to watch parts of Girlboss finally, and found very quickly that my heart was just jumping out of my chest whenever Brittany Robertson was onscreen, which indicates a few things: 1) Brittany obviously wants to spend time with me, and 2) her boyfriend (the section of my brain cordoned off to do relationship stuff with her) hasn’t been spending as much time as he wants with her, and 3) Netflix obviously made Girlboss as a kind of tool that we could use to connect with each other easier.
Well… okay, then. I will need to sort this out further, then. And… yikes, all of this is indeed seriously complex and often difficult. It’s not a problem, of course, as I can handle it it seems, but… still.
You know- a few questions have been swimming around in sections of my subconscious mind for the last few years concerning my relationships and such.
Chiefly, these questions (at least, those questions I can retrieve at the moment) involve my S.O.s and their husbands and pregnancies and such. See, these things don’t make sense to me.
Okay, I’m just going to go right out and say it: I think at least some of my girlfriends’ engagements, marriages and pregnancies are faked, and probably even this stuff has to do with me, in part if not wholly.
To whit: Well, Dove Cameron, obviously. But that one is easy. Lily Collins I think now, too, at least to some extent, and I think it amusing that her fiancé has the same name as one of my more notorious alters.
But beyond these two I think perhaps even Anne Hathaway’s marriage might be fake, actually. She married some guy who happens to be a jeweler, which matches my own interests at the time she got married. Honestly- I mean, just look at them. And if I’m going to throw that one out there, I will toss in Dianna Agron and Emma Stone, and Danielle Panabaker as well into mix, for the same reasons. And Emma Roberts, too. These girls seem to wind up “marrying” people who are mirrored images of whatever fantasies I happen to have with them at the time, which makes me wonder how real any of this stuff actually is, if in fact any of it is even real, at all.
Emma Stone, for example. She is married to some guy who works on SNL. Is that because she actually loves him, or because her SNL stints were our “thing” back when I still watched the show? It’s a legit question. Is she even married, at all? Honestly, fuck if I know. Was she even pregnant? Honestly- I have no idea. Should we be wondering why her pregnancy will be wrapped up all in time for the press tours for Cruella to start? I mean, maybe that’s just good planning, but, what if it isn’t?
And should we wonder about the possible symbolic connection between her having a kid before going on press tours for Cruella, a movie based on 101 Dalmatians– a film about a truckload of babies? Baby dogs, of course. But still. And hell, given the complex symbolisms surrounding all of this stuff, perhaps the fact that they are baby dogs makes my musing even more fitting than it would be otherwise.
Insensitive or not, this is I think a question that needs asking, given the current odd climate surrounding all of this stuff.
I don’t know, but from here I can’t tell anything, of course. Who TF knows what is going on, really. Dammit, this stuff is just so incomprehensible, and as usual, I seem to be somewhere directly in the middle of it all, in some way I can’t fully grasp.
Fuck this, this sucks.
Well, none of this changes anything, one way or another. My interests are what they are regardless.
But still.
Jeez, how incredibly weird.