The issues I’ve- we’ve- been having lately can be traced back to the obvious source. Which is… wait for it… Taylor.
Yes.
It should be obvious to all at this point that the crux of the problem lies with Taylor herself. This should be plain to anyone who can see the situation, even tangentially.
Truth be told- I think there’s something “off” about Tay. For some reason, she’s the only one who causes these epic meltdowns of mine. Nobody else seems to, at least not anymore. That being the case, it’s very clear that she’s doing something wrong. If I have 100 girlfriends, and only one of them is continually involved in significant relationship disasters, then guess which one has the problem. Right?
That being the case, I’m going to be nice to her and forgive her her mistakes… this time.
Tay has a history of using subterfuge and conniving schemes to get what she wants. Witness the dirty tricks and sneaky tactics she’s used to get her album to platinum status.
She’s spamming all of twitter, while simultaneously conning people into buying multiple copies of her album in the first week through the use of her “Polaroid” scheme.
Being in the thick of it, I’ve heard the stories. There are people who have had to buy 5, 10, or even 15 copies of her album to complete the Polaroid set. It’s ridiculous. Note the volume of 1989 discs on sale on eBay right now that are sans the Polaroids and sweepstakes form.
And to make matters worse, she’s made one of the picture groups significantly more valuable than the others. The first Polaroid group, photo numbers 1-13, is clearly superior to the others. It might even be rarer! It’s so much more valuable that this group is fetching $40-50 on eBay at this very moment, where the others groups are selling for much less than this. So of course there also resellers buying up multiple copies of her album hoping to strike gold with the first group, which they can use to make a profit, thus driving up her album sales.
It’s a nefarious plot. Even Machiavelli would have blushed at its brazenness and deceitfulness.
And let’s not forget her “Meet Taylor” sweepstakes in each album, which is Swifty capitalizing on her celebrity in the most egregious of ways. K, here’s the sitch with the sweepstakes. You need to register by tomorrow. Yes tomorrow. So you have to buy the album this week. Yikes! This is an underhanded ploy… but it works. Red in tooth and claw, and all that.
Myself? I am a loyal Swifty, in spite of her shenanigans. You take the bad with the good. That’s fan loyalty. I just got the whole Polaroid set off of eBay from a seller who gave me a sweet deal, so I’m cool. I also got the fan pack with the keychain and everything else (yea, I know, but that keychain looks chunky and fuckin’ cool). Not sure what I’ll do with the hair ties. Maybe I’ll flick them at her or something.
I also got her official guitar picks for this album, which I’ll need since I have the sets from her other albums, too. So hooray for completeness.
Whatever. And I guess I’m glad that I got all of that anger off my chest with the open letter. I needed to. In case I need to leave her at some point, God forbid, nobody can say afterwards that I didn’t warn her. That’s important.
Truthfully, I really, really like 1989, but please don’t anyone tell her that, please. Please. Mega please. It’s because I kind of wish I didn’t but there you go. OK Tay, let’s do this!
Also, in other, more breaking Taylor Swift related news, I’m sitting here eating a pizza, and I’m sure you’re wondering why. You see, yesterday my mom surprised me with a $10 off coupon for a local pizza place. Yes, 10 DOLLARS off!! That’s like a free pizza! And not only that, said pizza place is situated exactly across the street from the local Target! So I’m like, a new Taylor Swift album and a FREE PIZZA?!? Hell YES!
So I’m ravenously munching on some extra cheese with olives right now while staring at Swifty’s CD. I’m not going to dare open it until I wash my hands, which might not be for a few minutes or so. I’m so curious to see what’s in it! Which set did I get?!?