Sighinide

Ugh I HATE this. My heart is going a million miles a minute, now. It’s pounding through my chest. i feel like I’m having a heart attack or something, and I can’t stop sweating. I’m so pale, so cold. FUCK.

Uh, it’s just so weird. So, the way I had it described to me was that the more powerful narcotics, like morphine and fentanyl, act as ultra-powerful nerve stimulants. So when I load up on these guys it causes all of the shit I’m feeling now, which is why ironically I need MORE of them, to calm me down. Or at least, lesser powerful ones, so I might just go ahead and take some of those instead.

Oof, oh man, this sucks. And yeah I feel like I need a lot today, since I have been… tapering, for so long. I mean like a whole WEEK. So yeah, that’s a long time, yeah?

Oof, ow. Oh man, so painful.

ow… I just need a way off of this stuff. Like, I really, really need a bit of help, here.

Like, this is just too much for me, you know? I just really need some help.

Oof, ow… ouch.

Ow.

Ouch. ow…

OW. Ahhhgk, ow. This really hurts. Really really badly. Ow, ouch. I mean, my body. My head. I mean, I got some specialty anti-migraine meds but even those don’t seem to do much. I mean it just HURTS, damn it. Like really, really badly. IT HURTS. And it would be great if someone that wasn’t dead wanted to help, here.

Ouch. Ow…

Ow.

Fuck.

This is really going to end with me dying, isn’t it?

Ah… well. That sucks.

Oh, I hate how my skin feels. It’s so… weak, and thin. And pale, like it has no blood, or oxygen.

This… is no way to live. It’s like I can’t feel happiness, save for what the drugs give me. This is inhuman.

Everything HURTS. Fuck, this really sucks. It’s like, everything’s been taken over. My body, mind, soul. Everything. It’s awful. Nothing is right, nothing works correctly, anymore. It’s like I’m drowning in this stuff, with no way out.

Eech. Yuck, this is really no way to live.

My hands HURT. Feet hurt, head hurts, everything hurts. My whole body is out of whack. Ah, gods, this really sucks.

I can’t face the world like this, lol.

Oof. And it isn’t going away any time soon. Ugh. Gawd damn it.

Fuck.

It’s like… I can’t move. I’m so tired, so incredibly tired, now. So out of breath, always. So pained, in every way I can think of. This really sucks.

It’s just such a powerful downward spiral, and it has no end to it. Ughk.

This fucking sucks.

Yuck.

I DEFINITELY need more drugs. Like, A LOT more. This “trapering” thing severely fucking sucks.

I do NOT like this. My fingers HURT. I NEED MORE DRUGS. MORE, DAMMIT.

My body HURTS. I need a bigger fix. Need one, must get one. MUST get one. This is utterly fucking RIDICULOUS.

Fuck, ow, it hurts. Owwwwwww

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Ok, then. I mean, not as bad but it still hurts, so much. I want more fentanyl. I want some morphine, again. I want at least some hydromorphone. I mean, I really NEED IT, like A LOT. It’s so good for me. It’s warm, and it loves me. The narcotics, I mean. I really need it, now. Badly. Need it, A LOT.

I seriously need more, very much so. I should get some, I need some, can’t think without it. Need it NOW.

Yes, oh yeah need it RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Ok then, great!

It’s settled.

Ok, then.

Whew, lol.

Ohkay, the hit I took has FINALLY spread to my fingers. Oh god, they were so COLD. Oh god, was that horrible.

I think I’ll spend today trying to choke down some saltine crackers and resting in bed. Like I need to eat SOMETHING I think. I mean, I’ll die if I don’t, right? And of course I’ll watch youtube. Maybe Simpsons clips.

And I’ll procrastinate on everything else, and listen to maybe some songs from my dead ex-girlfriend again.

As yes, the glamorous life of a fentanyl addict. Wonderful.

Oof, though. These small hits aren’t doing it. I need MORE. I seriously do. This just isn’t going to work. I really really need more fentanyl. Like, A LOT more. Or at least, maybe make the switch to heroin, already.

Oof, this sucks.

Ouch, lol.

ow…

I’m losing weight and muscle mass. I can’t eat, anymore. This is death, isn’t it?

It’s like a long, slow, progressive death march. It’s unstoppable, unyielding, and brutal as fuck.

It’s unreal. I mean I don’t even take as much as I used to, kinda. But it’s like, the continual erosion of myself just continues, day after endless day, with a grave at the end of this. It’s like, I get over one problem, one overdose, one withdrawal, but that problem takes a permanent toll on me. I just continually get weaker and weaker, like the drugs are eating away at my soul, or something.

I’ve been a hardcore narcotics addict for two years now. This is I think a very long time. Like, too long, and I’m not sure if I will ever be able to get out of it, anymore. Like, I’m just trapped, now. And that’s that.

I’m in serious trouble, here. Like, this is profoundly bad. Oof, ouch. This really sucks, I guess.

Maybe suicide would be the right way out of this, I don’t know.

We’ll just need to wait and see.

Gawd, so much pain. Ouch.

So, yeah, bad week. Weird convulsions this morning, probably owing to drug use. It’s like my hands, feet keep shaking. I’m in bed and they just keep pounding the bed, over and over, endlessly. Probably not normal. Migraine headache, throwing up, skin thin and flaky. I’m extremely cold and pale. Eyes are clogged with tears. Can’t breathe.

Probably not normal. Stomach hurts, brain oozing out my ears. But I can’t get off, I’ll die. Fenty withdrawals will kill me.

Fuck. This is bad, but at least I’m cognizant. Kinda. I just keep sweating. I’m hyperventilating, now, probably because I’m having trouble breathing. Probably not good.

Whatever. I can still kill myself, so that’s a thing. Oof. I mean I won’t but, it is nice to have the option.

Oof, can’t breathe. So weird. It’s like I alternate between hyperventilating and suffocating.

But it feels good, though. The drugs love me, so it’s good. Yeah.

Uh, ouch. Oh man, this sucks, lol.

Whatever. I will deal.

God I hope I overdose and die, lol.

This place is fucked. No way can the country hold itself together, not after this.

This whole election process has been utterly ruinous for the credibility of the Democrats. Any win here is a poisoned chalice. Now, nobody outside the party will ever trust them, again. Possibly on anything.

They’re all liars, though. I mean, they don’t deserve the trust. I’m just saying.

I seriously think that this is it for effective governance over the US. It really is time to break up the country, for everyone’s good. Seriously, guys. It’s time.

Biden is going to go over like Obama did, only significantly worse. Obama at least had the luxury of being seen as a legitimate president, as least vote-wise. Biden will be like Obama, if everyone on the Republican side thought that in addition to all the other reasons Obama was terrible, he was as well being directly mind controlled by Chinese Communists.

And to top it off, we’re going to skip that grace period that Obama enjoyed at the start of his presidency. You know, that graceful truce that Obama enjoyed for his first couple of years? You know, that wait-and-see period he enjoyed because people wanted to figure him out, first. Well, we’re not having that, here. We’re going to get right to the conflict, from the very beginning. And it’s only going to get worse from there. It’s going to be ugly and awful. This place will become ungovernable.

Biden is like Obama, minus the charm, and the youth, and the well-spokenness, and the overall good health. Kamala is a Hilary clone from the Affirmative Action bin. She’s like Hillary, minus the positive that was Bill Clinton. Hillary, only more annoying, and more confusing, since absolutely nobody on the right can figure out her appeal on any level. Hillary, only uglier. Yuck.

This isn’t going to work. The right- especially the populist right- has been abused and treated terribly since at least Trump’s inauguration, and if we’re being realistic here, since 1945, or perhaps since the creation of the income tax. Or maybe since Lincoln’s war. Some of these guys have epic chips on their shoulders, for some very good reasons.

This won’t be like… 2017, when people on the right just kinda sat back and decided on a “wait-and-see” approach. I think that we’ll probably never see another one of those, ever.

Guys, this seriously isn’t going to work. Even if by some miracle the right can be convinced that the election results are in fact legitimate, this union still wouldn’t work, anymore.

The media lies too much, here. You can’t believe anything they say to the point that you might die if you do. There’s no way any amount of censorship is going to work. People are convinced that their lives are on the line, not just their rights. You can’t fight that. It’s tantamount to the government declaring a genocide on it’s own citizens, which is in fact what the right is convinced is happening, now. You can’t govern any of this. Even someone with the appeal of a JFK could not govern this place, anymore. Let alone a Biden, or a Kamala.

The US needs to be split up into racial units, and the Jews and their powers need to be crushed. Either that, or it’s public vs. private, to the death, in a winner takes all bloodbath. And despite what the left thinks, there is no way to side-step what is coming, because the right is convinced that it’s already here, not without evidence.

You can’t govern the situation that’s coming.

And anything else beside the prescription I have given results in an ultimate genocide for the left. In a head on, winner take all bloodbath, they’re going to be killed.

So… yeah. Break up the US, already.

It’s time.

Uh, I don’t think they get it. Wow. Like… what are they even thinking, lol?

Ok, so I’m listening to my parents, downstairs. They’re Biden supporters. Fine by me, one is as good as any other, really.

But they seem to think that if Biden gets into the Presidency that the fight will be “over”, or whatever. Um, no, lol.

They are old, out-of-touch. And they get their news from CNN, lol. They are also dumb, naive, when it comes to virtually all issues of substance. And they can’t “think” very well. They don’t know how to process and interpret information well, at all. Probably things they have in common with most supporters of Biden (or perhaps any candidate), I would imagine.

Yeah… um, lol. I don’t know how to break it to them, haha. I think I won’t; they’re old, both well into their 70’s. Let them have their delusions. But yeah, they’re dumb, and not prepared for what is coming.

I don’t believe anyone in Biden’s camp really understands what it is they’re staring at, here. But, they’ll learn, I suppose. Good and hard, lollll.

But yeah, OK. It’s war time, bitchez!!! Oh yeah! Lovely. Let’s kill the bastards. This is gonna be great.

Absolutely fantastic!

It’s like I can feel my barbarian blood boiling in anticipation for this. It will truly be glorious!

Neat!

But not now, though. I kinda need to sleep now, I think. Get rid of this fentanyl induced migraine.

Eek, lol. Ouch, seriously. These things are reeeeally painful.

Yuck.

But ONE day, lol!

Yeah.

Is it over yet?

Jeezus, I sure hope it is. Christ this shit is so horribly oppressive. It’s awful, always. There truly is nothing more dreadful or toxic than politics, especially in this country. It’s awful. Awful. All of it. Every candidate and every speech and everything. Fuck ALL of these people.

Well, the Democrats have stolen the election, obviously. And in doing so, they’ve invalidated the Presidency. No matter who gets “in office” democracy does not exist here, anymore, if in fact it ever has.

It’s clear that we go into separation or war mode from here. Good. This is what I wanted, all along. To be free from this accursed government, and this awful media, and everyone associated with either. This is perfect for me; thanks everyone for helping things get to this point, even if only inadvertently.

So yeah, I have always wanted this. A true and honest war, a just war, a perfect war. A war that is absolutely necessary for the survival of goodness in this world.

There is truly nothing I thirst for more than this. And I mean perhaps nothing. This is… amazing, this feeling. Incredible. I love it; I’m almost drunk on bloodlust, here.

Great. So- now we fight. We fight these bastards in the streets. Kill or be killed, I guess. Neat.

How will it play out? I don’t know, but I got us here to this point at least, and thank god I did. This really is wonderful, lol. I mean, I never again need to pay attention to anything political, ever again. How freeing! It’s like a great burden has been lifted off of my shoulders.

Nice. So- America is finished. It’s over, as a country. And with America, so too goes any visions of some neoliberal order, or whatever.

Neat!