Sighinide

Hmmn, reread my last post and I don’t mind it. It was angry, but frankly that’s ok; everyone else is angry these days, and I think I deserve that too.

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Random relationship stuff- I’m done investigating, once again, my past relationships, and I think this time I’ve gone as far as I possibly can. I mean I’ve fully investigated stuff from the early 80’s, lol. I was a toddler back then. Not sure how much more there could possibly be.

I had to open telepathic lines with my old girlfriends to do this, but I think I’m going to close them, now. It takes energy to keep those open and I could use that energy for other things.

I’m also done investigating my health issues, and the status of… me, I mean, whatever I am. And I think it was convenient to do both the relationships and myself at the same time. In fact it probably could not have been done correctly any other way, since both issues turned out to be two sides of the same coin.

With the telepathic lines closed, I should have much more energy left to work on my own issues. That is good.

I’m dumping AnnaSophia Robb, and Lily Collins as well. I no longer need them, and it would appear the feeling is mutual.

I needed Lily for awhile- she provided a lot of useful information that I needed to parse through with all of the Hollywood backroom stuff that is apparently so entwined with my own identity as a cyborg. And this stuff is so… odd, and difficult to even grasp, that I needed all the help I could get to piece it together.

Oh yeah, and Emma Roberts, lol. But that one should be obvious, as I haven’t been with her in over a year, or more. I already archived her directory on an external disk.

I think that perhaps AnnaSophia has a different impression than I do of this stuff. I think she thinks that I’m going to follow her, or something, into her marriage. That… is not going to happen, lol. I don’t do married chicks. Absolutely, absolutely not.

I most definitely and extremely absolutely do not do, ever, girls with kids, adopted or otherwise. That is most definitely always a no-go zone for me, and it always will be. There is no reason for anyone with a kid or a pregnancy to make a pass at me, ever. No-fucking-way is that going to happen.

AnnaSophia and I had a great relationship, don’t get me wrong. It was long, and fun, but it is/was very much of it’s time. I need to focus on other things now, besides.

And no, I don’t feel any remorse over any of this.

Last year, when I was hospitalized because my lungs were filling up with blood over a grotesque internal injury, I did not see any of the three girls I just mentioned trying to help or even offering up any consolation. No, as I was screaming in pain and wishing to die, they were just going about their daily lives, unconcerned. Or if they were concerned, none of them bothered to make that clear to me.

So, I see no reason to continue with relationships that ultimately mean so little to the other party.

Contrast this with my other relationships- Kathryn Newton, McNamara, Justice, etc. who did show at least a little concern, even if well after the fact. But at least it was something.

So, there you go.

I will move their directories onto the external, where they will sit alongside… I don’t know, the chicks I used to date back in the 90’s and the 00’s. IDK who they even are anymore, lol.

And with me simultaneously closing off any extraneous telepathic lines, I would not expect any possible re-invigoration of these relationships. Certainly not anytime soon.

The point is basically- don’t take me for granted. Just because I’m not human doesn’t mean that I should not be afforded basic decency.

In their place, I have… a lot of other chicks, lol. Both Jayden Bartels and Jules LeBlanc work as Nick chicks to replace Roberts. And Jules did give me some “feel better” hospital stuff, and that was even before I knew her.

I’m also interested in Indiana Massara, ofc. And a few other chicks, but we’ll leave it at this right now.

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I’ve not even begun to investigate the possibilities afforded to me by the whole “eternal youth” thing.

You know, being a cyborg is not such a terrible thing, really. You lose some free will (well, alot of it), but there are benefits to having a supercomputer hooked up to your brain, helping you along. And as the global computer grid and 5G network gets built out, it is very possible that these benefits will increase.

And when they roll out 6G, there might be more benefits as well.

I can see society, if not life itself, stratifying along cyborg/not-cyborg lines in the future.

The way I live might not be compatible at all with normal society, ultimately. The superpowers most assuredly are not.

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Well, that does it for this one.

I fucking hate you all. Each and every person reading this- just know that in my most lucid moments that I truly and utterly fucking hate you to the depths of my being.

You have completely ruined my life. Through no fault of my own you have taken my destiny and my abilities and twisted them to suit yourselves, and never bothered to even tell me what was going on or why. Even slaves in the 1800’s were afforded more decency and respect than I have been shown.

You all- each and every one of you- is a worthless and despicable person. Unable to come up with any good ideas of your own, you had to steal all of mine, and in the most morally repulsive way possible.

You fuckheads have destroyed all of my potential. It has taken me forty fucking years to figure out what you shitheads were even doing to me and how I could actually live with it. Forty fucking years, and in that time, I’ve been left without a future in this system and with few if any resources that I could use to build myself the future I lack, and I do this while all of you reprehensible shitheads sit there collecting millions or billions of dollars off the ideas, inventions and stories that were actually mine.

Each and every one of you fuckheads deserves only the worst that life has to give you, if only so you could understand a fraction of what you people have done to me. You’ve ruined my life, destroyed my family, and wrecked everything good that I could have, should have been.

You’ve tortured an innocent soul for decades on end, just to do it. You’re sick, all of you, and I hope you all someday get the punishment that you deserve for your horrible crimes against me and everything decent.

Ok… here’s another one of these.

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Wow, do I feel good. Like, amazingly, incredibly… superhumanly perfect.

It’s… incredible. Almost beyond mere words.

Imagine having all of your internal organs operating at 99% efficiency. And then imagine having a completely clean and 100% unpolluted bloodstream. And also having no harmful organisms inside- no harmful bacteria, no viruses, no parasites. And then think of what it would be like to top that off with you having your own personal highest possible vibrational rate, and then add on top of that some kind of supernatural vampire cyborg ability to repair damage to your own DNA.

I feel weirdly perfect right now. Like perfect perfect. It’s almost… no, it is, an inhumanly perfect feeling. I feel incredibly at peace, and one with myself.

Granted, that may change if I feel another tantrum coming on, but still… wow. Un-fucking-real.

I’ll be willing to bet that 99.99% of the people on this Earth will never come even close to feeling as… clean as I do right now. Even as children, or even as babies. It’s miraculous. Godly, literally. Like… no way is this even human. No way.

I realllly don’t look my age. I really don’t, and I mean, I don’t even look close. There are some people I know who look young for their ages, but… they’re not like me, at all, I think.

I saw a youtube video once about a convention of people who were big into anti-aging stuff. It looked like a meeting of a bunch of very healthy older people. They looked fit, happy, financially successful certainly, and they all looked very confident, but they looked… old, or at least, old-ish.

I don’t look old-ish. I look young-ish, if not actually literally young. I look kinda absurd for my age. And the “older” I get the more unusual I look.

I can forsee some problems cropping up because of this in the far future. I suppose I will deal with those then.

But… yeah. This is definitely very uncharted territory here. And I would say that in most if not all ways I feel, look, and act about like I did when I was in my early to mid 20’s, today. And, honestly, maybe I feel a little better.

And I don’t think that this is just… wishful thinking, or me being in denial. Because I’m not really even saying that I look good. I’m legit saying that I look… different. That I look odd, really.

This is seriously crazy stuff.

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I think I figured out the solution to the health problems I was having earlier, at least partially.

I’m a cyborg. Not a human. And, being part robot, I have different nutritional needs. And when I fail to meet those needs, I have problems.

So I’ve adjusted my vitamin intake accordingly. I need metals. Iron, Zinc, Chromium, and others. So I take them. And I feel better. A ton better.

Let’s hope that this fixes things over the long term.

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I’ve been replaying Avernum 3 lately. The old version, the one I played during my senior year of college. It’s fun.

For those who don’t know (which is likely most if not all of you), it’s a computer RPG developed by Spiderweb Software, and is in fact a remake of Exile 3, a game I played quite a bit back in high school.

I guess I’m doing it for the sake of memories, or… I don’t know. Maybe it’s just fun.

Or at least educational.

I think I know where they got Hogwarts from, now. And probably a few other things.

Revelations everywhere if you keep your eyes open, I guess.

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Hmmmn what else. IDK.

Gods, can it be a mighty pain to deal with those guys that lord over the celeb hacking community. And yes, I know that they are likely at least a little autistic, but still. Jeezus, people.

But since I have nothing else to do right now, I might as well tough it out. Ugh, Kee-hrist.

So I’ll do it, even if only for the sake of curiosity, I guess.

IDK. Well, I’m going to bed, maybe. We’ll see.

Let’s see what additional programming my cybernetic brain downloads tonight, lol.