Sighinide

Ok, wow, did I completely misunderstand all of this, lol.

As I understood things until about a week ago, I was the one who initiated my relationships with the Buffy girls. I mean- Michelle Trachtenberg, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Alyson, Eliza, Charisma, etc.

I thought the situation was like… there was this show, about vampires, with a lot of hot chicks in it that I can relate to, so… why not approach and make relationships out of all this?

Well, thanks to the magic of youtube and vimeo, I am now able to see many of the old, pre-Buffy TV movies and short films starring these girls that I could not see before.

Clearly, I misunderstood the situation. It seems brutally obvious now that my Buffy girlfriends approached me first.

Their early, pre-Buffy TV movies are just drenched in 1) Scenes, situations and images seemingly copied directly from my brain as if the contents of my brain were just… being downloaded, somewhere; 2) blatant, gratuitous sexual/relationship innuendo directed at me, even to the point where it seems as if they planted this stuff in there to make it obvious to me later on in life, if I were ever to see these movies; and 3) organization- all of this content is clearly similar in effect and purpose, with all of it seemingly screaming “HEY TOM, THESE GIRLS WANT TO FUCK YOU, WOULD YOU MIND?”

This stuff is so blatant and obvious and I honestly wonder if, had I seen any of these movies back when I was teenager, I would have even missed it back then.

A case in example: Eliza Dushku’s Journey, is so… bluntly… obvious, that it is hard to believe. The film itself revolves entirely around my relationship with my late Grandpa (I mean, even to the point where they have the same clothes, use the exact same camera that I remember my Grandpa using (which is featured, BLANTANTLY, throughout the movie MANY TIMES), talk exactly the same, etc.) The film has a kid, my age at the time, who looks and talks like I did, who asks Eliza to marry him apparently every month (!), and all of this is during a scene packed with shedloads of symbolism and innuendo regarding my time spent in my Grandpa’s Iowa home, my own supernatural abilities, my own future relationship situations, and just… holy shit, people. There is even broad hints there about me back when I was a baby, etc. Sooooo many LOUD hints, there.

Yes I know that this flick is ostensibly based on a book. But, then, so was Lawnmower Man, and A Scanner Darkly. Well, not books, but stories. But, you get the idea.

Ten minutes into Michelle Trachtenberg’s A Holiday for Love (of all things) is all I need to know what is going on there. So many OBVIOUS references to my own childhood Christmas memories, down to the way the guy locks the door. There’s some kid named “Tom” in this film. No idea what he does yet if anything, but if there are references there with this kid similar to the “Tom” stuff in Trachtenberg’s Harriet the Spy I think that will be another big neon sign.

For the audience, whomever you guys are, look at the scene in Harriet where she is watching an educational film about “Tom” in class. And then cross-reference that with my own childhood memories, which you all apparently have access to.

This morning it has just dawned on me, late I know, that Buffy is likely also in and of itself based Mr. Occult Vampire Anti-Christ here, and likely because of all the stuff I imagined/dreamed after watching the theatrical movie on TV sometime in the mid 90’s.

The “dream” part there is in fact referenced in the opening scene of the first Buffy episode, which buttresses another hypothesis I’ve been having- that at least some of this stuff is actually taken from my dreams. Thus far I’ve only been investigating my waking dreams, my daily fantasies. But if people have access to my daily fantasies, what about my nightly ones?

Maybe this stuff accounts for literally everything created by everyone, seemingly, for the past 40 years, including the stuff I’ve not really even investigated. After all, how the fuck would I know what I used to dream about late at night 30 years ago? I mean I remember little bits and pieces of some things, but whole dreams? Not really.

And I tend to dream literally non-stop, throughout the entire night. So like 8 hours straight.

Scary thought- what if I used my dreams at night to flesh out the Buffy fantasies I had during the day? I have no idea; absolutely none, and no proof, and no way, I think, to even get proof, should there be any.

But yeah, the Buffy girls. Eliza starred in not one, but at least two movies about my relationship with my late Grandfather. And maybe three; I can’t find that one obscure short film about fishing she did, but I have a hunch it might be about the times I went fishing in the Mississippi with my Grandpa (my “Papa”. Watch the last scenes in Journey where they keep mentioning the word “Papa”. Total mindfuck.) And all of this was pre-Buffy. They, whoever they are, were clearly trying to shove her in my face, hard, before Buffy was even a thing on TV. The same with Michelle Trachtenberg.

I’ve downloading Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Robinson movie now, and will watch it later.

But- back to Buffy. the first person in school she talks to is named Bob. There’s that name again. There’s the Lynch stuff, yeah, but I’ve noticed in other films “Bob” being used in ways that catch my attention. Bob- wut? Fuck if I know. What do these guys use as my codename, I wonder? Is it “Bob”? Is that my stage name?

At any rate, “Bob” mentions that Buffy burned down her old gym, at her old school. I remember keenly back then my own dad droning on and on about how the gym at my old school had burned down, etc.

The books in Buffy’s dream remind me of the old Diablo instruction manuals I used to read. And there’s other stuff- but this is all in the first like 5 minutes of the first episode, here…, which I watched back then on TV, too, but I just… really must have been… I don’t know, naïve? Or disassociating, like I always did whenever I saw something a little too coincidental, back then. I would compartmentalize it, so I could deal with it, or think about it some other day, when I had more information.

Like now.

I’ve still not seen all of the stuff from Michelle’s early days that I need to see. Honestly, I’ve only seen like a quarter of it, but I’ve seen enough. Even her guest spots on random Nick shows seem to say weird, coincidental stuff.

I guess it was not random at all that Michelle and I had that crazy relationship. I mean, and it’s still there, really. I mean, we are talking a looooong relationship, here.

And perhaps it was not a coincidence at all that Eliza and I took to each other so well for so many years. She clearly must have chose me. Wut? Is that how girls do things? It’s like, maybe they maneuver themselves into places where they can get the guy they want? I mean… maybe? Fuck if I know. I’m in my forties and have never had a “real” girlfriend, not that I’ve ever needed one, apparently.

Holy shit, utterly baffling.

Thanks be to the YouTube gods for allowing me the chance to actually watch these old movies. I mean, some of these are not available on streaming platforms, I think. I think some are not available for sale anywhere, either, even used. Certainly the short films aren’t.

Crazy, crazy stuff. I also need to watch Sarah’s Simply Irresistible. The trailer there for that one is kinda… direct, too.

Yeah, someone must have organized all of this, somehow. Who? Was it me? I mean, who the fuck is it that picks out these girls and is like… yeah, that one. That’s a fifteen year relationship with that Tom guy, easy.

No idea. So crazy, all of this. Utterly… preposterous, and yet so real, and so incredibly… concrete. I mean, if this isn’t reality, then what even is?

So crazy. More thought is needed, here. Lots more thought.

Wow.

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Leaving this here as a placeholder. Ok, let’s run down some facts here:

1) My brain is obviously interfacing with a supercomputer system somewhere, possibly everywhere. This system seems to act as some kind of extension of my neurons.

2) I am in my 40’s, but have the physical appearance and personality of a man in his early 20’s. Clearly, something is not “normal”, here.

3) I eat electrosmog.

4) My girlfriends are real people, yet are also files on my laptop.

5) I am notorious for acting / thinking robotically.

6) I clearly have an abnormally, superhumanly powerful brain.

I think it’s safe to say that I’m a cyborg, in the sci-fi definition of the word. And yes, I am well aware of the reality that I may be the last person on Earth to truly understand this rather obvious fact.

Possibly- this may in fact be the source of my powers. It is very possible that my brain is “borrowing” processor cycles from whatever supercomputer or network it is hooked up to, and using these cycles as a processing base to achieve superhuman feats on the regular.

Really weird, but perhaps the only thing that makes sense.

But as I said, this is only a placeholder, to remind myself to takes notes later. This rather crazy thing needs to be examined and understood.

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Well, I guess it’s time for another one of these.

Hmmn. Well, I seriously underestimated the impact that a fentanyl/morphine addiction would have on the human body, lol. Holy fuck, haha.

It’s been a long and hard road but I’m finally I think getting things back on track. But Jesus, seriously, fentanyl misuse really poisons the body hardcore. It realllly fucks up your immune system. I had a period from like March – April where my body just kinda forced me to exercise but otherwise veg out to I guess give it a chance to “reset” everything.

I did gain a little weight during this period- I maxed out around 5 pounds into the “overweight” classification, which… frankly, isn’t bad at all, considering the general populace these days. But of course, me being me, I had to compare myself to my peers, and yes, I was defo chubby compared to, I guess, a Lily Collins, or an Emma Watson. Or any of them, really. And I guess I still am.

But even so, compared to the average 40 something Bubba around these parts… I’m fine, lol. Yikes, people. I mean, I’m not going to judge anyone individually but… wow, IDK. Some of you guys maybe need to cut back a little on the soda and fast food once in a while. Just saying.

So… yeah. Since that unfortunate day on the scale I’ve been cleaving away at the excess with a combo of exercise, vitamins, blood stimulation, vibration, infrared lights, blue LEDs, water intake, etc., and this spectrum of techniques seems to be working, which is nice. I have more energy, I feel, and I think I also feel a little less “hungry”. I think that this decrease in my general hunger may also be due to my body not needing extra fuel anymore to process the buildup of acids and poisons caused by the fentanyl addiction.

I’m also again harnessing the, uh, “midichlorians” or whatever to help me out with this stuff, lol. From this point I need to lose probably 10 pounds or so in order to feel truly comfortable.

So, there you go.

Well, in related news, I’m still learning about my powers, and how they… “work” or whatever. In order to keep me young, my body needs to eat, it seems. Self-directed genetic engineering is I guess impossible without some kind of caloric surplus. So once again I guess I will need to resign myself to having a weight in the high end of “normal” according to what the CDC says is “normal” (in other words, thin, in an age where the normal man my age is clinically obese. Reeeeally confusing, this terminology is).

To give you an example of how confusing all of this is, when I was at my heaviest at around 5 pounds overweight, my girlfriends and I tried to “fix” this problem with exercise motivation, etc., and it seemed to work, but I couldn’t help but think of how incredibly jarring this is when considering… the average situation out there, and how extremely important this all is to everyone involved, even if only subconsciously. I mean, it’s kinda… complicated. Very complicated.

It’s the culture, I think. I mean, we’re all practically naked, all the time, now. I mean, the internet is filled with ultra high resolution photosets of my girlfriends in bikinis (and less) and then there’s me, a guy who broadcasts his sexual escapades to a huge, huge number of people. How huge? Honestly, I have no idea. I can’t see things from the other side. Is it hundreds? Thousands? Millions? Billions? I haven’t a clue. Can aliens see this? Who the fuck knows.

But the thing is… yeah, the whole lot of us is extremely… naked, lol, and I mean that literally. So our collective sex appeal isn’t some idle thing, but a topic of possibly global importance. Crazy, I know. Utterly nutty, but there it is.

So… considering everything involved with all of this, I suppose I owe it to the world to keep myself in a good shape and physically appealing in general. I’ll work on the shape first and then the rest of it, like clothes and whatnot.

Crazy stuff, all of this is. Utterly bonkers in some ways. I mean, we have two competing programs of genetic engineering of the populace going on here, with the vaccine people trying to push people in one direction, and me pushing people in another, through myself.

Really crazy and hard to keep up with. I understand why so many normal people seem to be losing it these days. I mean, their DNA is literally being fucked with by big pharma on one hand, and some evil necromancer gigolo on the other. I mean, whaaaat the fuck, lol. Poor people. I wonder sometimes what these guys even think about all of this, if in fact they even can, accurately.

But… yeah, ok. I still need to lose that 10 pounds. Getting a six-pack is I’m sure impossible considering my caloric needs for all the telepathy, genetic engineering, and… neuron growing that I’m constantly doing. I mean- people need to eat for muscles. It’s a common thing that when people are “bulking up” they eat and eat lots. I suspect that something similar is happening to my brain. When I bulk up my neurons, I think that my brain probably instructs my metabolism to consume, to make the process viable.

So… yeah, verrrry different. So likely no Zac Efron abs for me, lol.

I mean, not that I need them, I mean, I’m sure Victoria doesn’t care either way, but I have always had a problem with perfectionism. I mean, I want to be the best possible version of me.

Maybe one day I will discover a silver bullet, and figure out how to use genetic engineering and the ambient nanotech to achieve that perfect comic book body. It would be nice, even if it would just serve to make my escapades more appealing to whomever cares to watch these things.

Well, food for thought. At any rate I will continue to repair the damage done to my DNA with the extra calories I consume, and continue as well to use my many, many technological tricks and devices and exercise routines to chip away at my waistline.

I mean, if we’re going to do this whole “cyborg” thing, then god damn it, we need to do it right. I’ve talked before on here how my body can absorb ambient EMF, radio wave and microwave energy to power itself, so I see no reason as to why I can’t use that energy to boost my immune system. I mean, literally just plug myself into “The Matrix” and feed off of the electrical power coursing through the grid. Why not? It’s actually getting fun to do just that.

I mean, I can actually feel my body eating the energy being released by my laptop, and by the house’s wifi, for example. And it tastes kinda… good, lol. Like it’s oddly satisfying to me, somehow. I mean, like it’s actually healthy for me. Really crazy shit.

I mean, why not? This energy seems to actually reverse my aging. I mean, I’ve trained my body’s DNA to use electrosmog to make myself somewhat younger, more vital. The ultimate adaptation. I actually do seem to get younger-ish and stronger the more I sit in front of my computer. Really, really weird I know, and totally contrary to what every health expert in the world tells us is true, but damn it, the evidence is literally right in my own mirror. I have few of the wrinkles that other men my age have. I’m crazy strong and energetic for my age, compared to the average person. Which, I know, is not that impressive at all these days, but I think still notable.

And I think it is possibly indeed all of this electromagnetic “pollution” that surrounds us that I just seem to crave so much. I just… eat it, somehow, and use it to supercharge my body’s ability to heal and repair.

I mean… it actually tastes good, lol. I mean, I can taste it. Like, Wi-Fi. It’s actually tasty.

Weird AF, I know, but the proof is literally right in front of everyone’s faces.

That being the case, maybe all I need to to is just… supercharge my body with as much electrosmog as possible. Maybe I can melt the inches away with simple excessive Wi-Fi, microwave radiation, Bluetooth energy and mass cellular absorption of “harmful” LED light. Who knows. Never actually tried it.

Maybe I’ll try bathing myself in electrosmog while I sleep. See what happens.

Things to think about, for sure.

Weird, lol.

Yeah.

Wow.

It’s really weird being a cyborg, honestly. I mean, it’s weird but it’s cool and… uhm… well, there’s a lot here to think about.

Yeah, ok then.

Good night, world.

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I’m not rude, BTW. Just so everyone knows.

I just know my value, that’s all.

Hisses

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Ok, she’s still like doing her thing in which she absolutely refuses to admit to all the drama she caused when she literally just… stopped letting people even see her music videos.

Lexi hun, nobody likes a drama queen hunny. I mean if this is how you’re going to act then like… yeah. I mean, it’s just… you know.

And don’t think I don’t see what you guys were doing when you named Jules’s chick on Side Hustle Lex. I mean, I see what you guys are doing. I mean, maybe I don’t say it, but I see it.

If this keeps up I’ll just have to spend time with Indiana, or, like, Jessica Belkin or somebody, and then where will you all be? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

So there.

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Is so pretty but almost like… too pretty, you know?

Except on those times when she’s not, and then it’s like… try harder plz.

lol

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Ok, fuck yeah. Cody Groves released a Cady demo a few days ago, and it kicks ass.

I suppose that this was released now since it’s been a year since her death.

I posted a rather slavish comment, lol. I guess I just reeeeeally want more Cady stuff, lol.

———————

Absolutely fantastic song… it’s a demo but it sounds album worthy, how amazing! Cady was such a great talent and such an important part of so many lives. Thanks so much for releasing this. There are people who would love anything else from her that isn’t public. Miss you dearly Cady! I still think of you and your wonderful music a lot.

———————

Ah, you can see it there, under my name.

Oh man do I want more Cady stuff!!! That would be sooooo amazing!!!!!!! Thank uuuuuuuuuuu!!!

Yes I am simping. I literally do not care, though. Anything for more Cady, and I mean like ANYTHING, is acceptable and good.

Ahhhhhh thanks so much.

I mean, sorry for her death and all but yeah, thanks anyhoo.

Ahhhhhh Cadyyyyyyy oh yeah she feels so good next to me!!!!

Wonderfullness!!!!

Oh man this is great… ppppllleeeeease more shtuff!!!! Please!!!!

Yeah.

Oh Jesus though. No drama this time. No drama I swear. No more, no más, no how.

Jus me listening to some good music.

Thanks!

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A few random thoughts, and notes about Pixar’s Wall-E, here for future reference.

– The “space dance” scene seems taken from / inspired by the NES game Solar Jetman.

– “Auto” is not so much HAL 9000, but the A.I. from Flight of the Navigator.

– The characters are toys. Wall-E itself might be a combination of toys I had as a kid, including a robotic arm that I spent eons with, putting stuff into it’s accessories box and back out again. Also that little mobile robot from the space set I had as a kid. The space set itself looks like Wall-E’s home, with the same ramp and everything. I still have the arm and the little mobile robot. And then of course there is the obvious Short Circuit influence.

– There is an influence here from toys like the Robotix line from Milton Bradley, especially IMO in the decals, buttons and signage.

Hmmn. Interesting. Looks like a good movie. Never seen it fully- I’ve only studied bits here and there on youtube.

Still I wonder. Very peculiar, all of this. The bits and pieces I’ve seen do seem oddly, weirdly “me”, especially the space dance scene, and a bunch of other stuff, like the overall tone of the world and Wall-E in particular. Very interesting.

Random thoughts.

I still wonder. Do other people watch these movies and think to themselves “Yeah, I remember all of this stuff from my own childhood” or is this again just me? I don’t know, but damn, this is so fucking weird.

I mean… I don’t remember the exact story, or even the exact characters. But I remember the pieces. It’s again like… someone just took all the stuff I did as a kid and then reassembled everything in a different order, like they’re just painting with my memories, or something. It’s really weird.

And again, some of this is extremely specific, like the space dance scene. I remember doing stuff like that for hours on my NES, with my little pixelated spaceship. It’s just… the feeling of the scene. Like, I know I’ve done this myself, before.

And the feeling of Wall-E himself, and watching him pick stuff up and make little boxes out of them. Like, I’ve done that, hundreds of times, with my own little robot arm. Just not… like that, but verrry similar to that, in tone.

And the obvious references to my favorite films as a kid.

It’s really uncanny. IDK honestly what is going on here, but… it’s stuff to think about, for sure.

Really crazy, all of this.

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See, NOW it’s obvious.

Years ago, I wondered on here whether or not Winona Ryder knew she was “dating” me in college. Well, now I know!

Holy shit, lol. Wow, SO obvious.

Yikes.

Okay then.

Reeeeeal obvious, this movie is. Just like Linklater’s Waking Life, this is… so direct, so… me, in my college years, that it almost defies analysis. I mean, why bother?

Yeah, ok, I get it.

I mean, it’s all there- Winona herself, the drug addictions, my friends, and everything else that is relevant. There’s so much in fact that I won’t take the time to list it all.

And me, and my “condition”. And the ending, with the flower. Ha- I get it. I actually remember that flower from my youth. I mean, I get it, so incredibly powerfully.

Alright, well, there it is, then.

Good to know these things!

But still, guys… you really should have told me. It’s like I’ve said earlier on this blog, many many times over- effective communication is honest communication. Honesty is the way to do it- look at this blog. See? Honesty is what makes this stuff work. It’s the lifeblood of everything that is… IDK, good?

Seriously, guys. You really need to tell people. Honestly, Winona really should’ve told me (and I guess she did, through this movie and probably a bunch of others, though NEVER DIRECTLY, and that is key) but… ugh, wow, alright, fine.

Jeez.

Yeesh.

Ok then.

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Cars?

Cars.

Hero car looks identical to my first car, a 1995 Red Ford Contour. I was given this car on my 16th birthday.

For pics, google “1995 Contour”. It will be the first picture.

Looks verrry close to the hero car.

The rest of the cars came from the toy cars I played with as a kid.

I only saw this flick once- in like 1998, on DVD, with my family, but even then I was dumbfounded at the coincidences- but chalked them up to chance, like I did with Toy Story. Obviously, I shouldn’t have.

I literally have all the cars in this flick in the basement, right now. They’re in an old shoebox. Except for the big firetruck- I have one identical to that guy in a plastic bin, and when I say identical, I mean it.

Also I have the rest of the vehicles, except for the ones I don’t. Those I had to give away, since I didn’t have enough storage place. Like the Tonka trucks, which might or might not have been labeled “Tonka” in the movie. I don’t think it matters, really.

The rest of it is all from my early toys- the track, the decals, the signs, even the random items placed around the movie.

There is more of my childhood here than there might have been in Toy Story, if you can believe that.

I mean I literally have all of this stuff, and for the stuff I don’t have, I have pictures. It’s all pretty uncanny, and despite what teenage me thought, can’t possibly be a coincidence. No, it’s not the case that everyone in America had the exact same childhood I had, I guess.

And the tells. The behavioral tells are all there. In the couple clips I saw on YT, I saw about a dozen.

Okay.

Well then.

How much do you want to bet that the rest of Pixar’s oeuvre was ripped from my childhood as well?

Hmmn. So weird, but so incredibly interesting.

Honestly, I kinda hate to say this but I am really kinda-sorta majorly enjoying figuring this stuff out. It’s beyond fascinating. The scientist in me is having the time of his life right now.

And, while we’re on the subject of my childhood, what about… Calvin and Hobbes?

Do I dare to dream about this? Or am I dumb to have not considered it until now?

Who the fuck knows. Maybe there is a reason I identified so strongly and personally with Calvin growing up. He was 6 when I was 5.

Nah, I don’t believe it. But the fact that I even need to consider this is kinda mind-boggling. Seriously, what even the fuck?

Am I alone in thinking that a 41 year old Calvin might basically be me, even in appearance?

Seriously- what?

Nah, that is a reach. As far as I know, Watterson isn’t connected to Disney.

So… yeah, that’s a no go.

Weird, though.

I suppose it’s just that since I don’t know how this happens, or who does this, or where my thoughts are even going, that it’s tough to know where this stuff ends.

But I mean… maybe. I guess.

Well, Cars though. Yeah.

Wow.

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