Sighinide

May as well put this one in as a “Part I” because it’s not like there won’t be more to this series, lol.

So apparently I need genetic testing because of some… problems I’ve been having. And my doctors are so horrified by what they see in me that they want the full raft of possible tests- everything, the most possible testing they can get. Full spectrum- genes, chromosomes, everything. Basically, because I have so many weird, undefinable problems. Or something. Or maybe they just think like everyone else that I’m some kind of collasal fuckup and they’re trying to find out why, lol.

Ugh, whatever. Life sucks.

I have some time off the end of this week so I’m going to go ahead and drown myself in narcotics this weekend, because why not. Because Gawd damn it, I deserve it.

There, see? My life is great, wonderful. I love it!!!

Thank god things are going so well!!! Progress is progress as they say.

Right, good.

yay.

ugh.

sigh…

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I guess I’m looking for a “normal” chick now. Non-celeb, I mean.

IDK, I mean, there’s always my cousin, I guess. I mean if she hasn’t found anybody yet. Or Brittany maybe. Or Tessa Violet.

WAIT tho. Tessa is… famous now? That’s what google tells me. One of her new vids has like 70 million views! WTF!

Uh… that’s… good? I mean, 99% of the time, at least. But not now. Maybe she shoulda… waited, or something.

LOL gawd I’m SUCH an asshole, haha.

But hmmn… let me think.

Cady would be sooooo perfect for this. So so perfect that it just hurrrrrts, lol. I don’t know. I need to blog about her again, maybe I’ll do that tonight.

Hmmn.

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Hmmn.

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I think it’s just the fact that all of this was done without my knowing is what makes it so….. offensive. Hurtful. I mean, it’s an honor, it really is, but it’s… bad… all the same. They should’ve asked permission. Somehow, in some way, back then.

I don’t know. Maybe they still should. I mean honestly, I never actually asked for any of this. For any of these powers, or influence. Perhaps I wanted it, but did I ask for it? I mean I never knew that any of this was possible. Telepathy, direct mind control, reality warping, etc. I just… did it, somehow, like I grew up with it, somehow. I don’t know. And being that I don’t even know when this stuff started, I don’t know what’s even appropriate to ask for in exchange.

Am I… letting people off the hook here? For taking my ideas, if not my mind itself, and letting them run away with it with them offering little to nothing in return?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just excusing things I shouldn’t, mostly because I have no choice otherwise. Because there’s no way to “shut it off”, even if it was the one thing I wanted to do.

*shrug*

I just don’t know.

I really wish the X-Men were real, LOL. I could ask Xavier, as a fellow mutant telepath, what to do.

Obviously tho that’s a no-go, haha.

I guess I’ll just figure it out myself as I go along.

As usual.

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YOU.

You BITCHES.

HOW DARE YOU BITCHES.

You know what I mean! How DARE you!

Look, ok. SO.

Ok so I had this like thing tonight. Like I went through and tried to piece all of this shit together because like WHOKNOWS when all of this shit started when I realized something. Like. You people- you know who you are- used ME as a template for fucking REGINA GEORGE. Fuck…………………. YOU.

Ok like I had this whole thing planned out in.my.brain when like I realized this shit and I CAN’T BELIEVE this. I mean it’s not bad but… I just… I can’t… BELIEVE this. I mean, you MUST have. I mean there’s like literally no other way this could be. RAAAAAAACHEL?????

I mean, you get it, right? You…….. you know. Like, YOU KNOW. And you know you know! You know?

I can’t BELIEVE this shit!!!

I mean, of course I can tho. So, like, whatevs. But, you know what I mean.

So whatevs.

But it’s just…

I mean… it’s hard to fathom this stuff.

It’s just really hard.

It’s like it’s starting to hit home. It’s like, I get it now. So much of it, I get it now. The years and years of this shit. Decades upon decades of it. It’s like… I understand. So many experiences. So many revelations and… revealings. And understandings. And comeuppances and evolutions. It’s like… I get it. I can hardly believe it and don’t want to but there’s no way that it isn’t what it is. And I can get it, because it… is. And what is, is.

You know?

Oh man. Guyyyyyysssssss. So what, then, ISN’T me? I mean, what made in the last, say, 25 years, isn’t?

I’ll tell you what isn’t. Most of it, it seems, until like 2008. Previous to then it seems like only the movies my girlfriends were involved in- like Mean Girls and… all the rest of them, were… powerfully me-ish. I think.

I….. think. I don’t know though, I need to do more thinking I think.

This is all just so… overwhelming. Yikes.

I can’t get it, but I mean I can, because it’s just… it. And it being it, that’s just it. It’s like that’s it, and that’s that. You know?

Ok so, I’m like Regina George. Holy shit, people.

I mean I know Katy Perry already told me this, once, but I didn’t believe her but jeebus, people.

Ok.

Am I… that bad?

I mean I can’t be. I mean there’s no way I’m that bad. I mean, with all of this. The… meanness. Connivingness. The cruelties, and such.

Ah… yeah. Though.

Yeah ok, I get it.

Well… off to bed, then.

…wow.

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Guys…….. I mean…….. ok. I mean I get it, but……..

I seriously need to go over some stuff. Maybe tonight I’ll watch a few clips on youtube and think about where I’ve been, and my previous personas. Who I used to be, back then. And what that means for me today.

The past is always alive, here in my bedroom. lol.

But holy fuck guys, jeezus christ.

I mean you didn’t, lol. You just mine everything, don’t you?

Everything. Every little thing.

Especially when they aren’t so little, I guess. Haha.

Whatever. I need to think.

sigh.

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Oh my God.

You didn’t.

You know I never watched this one because I never really was into Shailene but I just watched some clips on youtube and I seriously can’t believe what I’m seeing. I mean guys, you didn’t.

I mean, you didn’t.

Oh my God.

YOU DIDN’T.

Oh my God.

That…

OH MY GOD.

Alright, time to rethink some stuff.

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I don’t understand how others don’t find all of this shit brutally embarrassing. I just can’t. I mean, people actually watch these things, like for real. I mean, with interest. Because they’re interested. It’s baffling.

Look, both of these people fucking suck. Isn’t that obvious? Than what is the point of watching this shit? To confirm it? I don’t get it.

Look, Trump is a Jewish placeholder and overall dumbass who doesn’t understand that his job is to serve Americans, not Israelis. His idea of “outreach” is to make horrifically embarrassing overtures to niggers that will only hold him in contempt for even trying. He fucking sucks. His presidency has been four years of bellowing stupid crap about the “muh black employment!!!” while our cities and futures literally burn to the ground. He has been a dreadful embarrassment to this country, his position, his race, his own upbringing, his party, and his voters. There is no reason to vote for his stupid ass come November.

Biden is a different flavor of Jewish placeholder, but another boomer cuck Israel worshiper in the Trump vein. He sucks, catastrophically. He is at best a doddering old fool who will provide a veneer of white respectability to whatever type of ugly, hysterical nonsense Kamala will try to put our country through when / if she gets in. These people fucking suck, all of them.

None of these clowns are worthy of holding local office, or of being president of the neighborhood 4-H chapter, much less President of the US. They are awful, noxious fools. The US has perhaps the most overrated political class on Earth. These guys, the lot of them, are a big joke.

Guys- you get what you support. Ignore these fuckheads and do something more productive with your lives, seriously. Like- take up crochet, or, IDK, speak out against Zionist tyranny, say. Against the Jewish empire. Do something of use to your race, to your own futures.

Fuck this shit. It isn’t worth your attention.

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I didn’t watch.

Am I correct in thinking that both candidates are shabbos goyim arguing about how best to screw over the pitiful remnants of the United States for Israel’s benefit?

Yes?

Yeah, I thought so.

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Good lord I just can’t stop shaking, lol. I can’t eat anymore and I can’t sleep at night. I mean I’m just a burning ball of nervous energy until I get my next hit. It’s dreadful. My skin again feels like it’s on fire. This sucks, lol.

I’m going to stand firm with the date, though. I was thinking of moving it up but I think not, at least not now.

Oh Gawd this is just so horrid, lol.

Yeeeech

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