Sighinide

Lately, I’ve been thinking that Thanksgiving has been overlooked.

I think it’s because it’s not as easy to make commercial. Halloween is candy and costumes, and tons of scary movies and decorations. It’s easy to make $$ on Halloween- there are stores all over that open just for this holiday. And Christmas… yeah, lol. Money to be made, for sure.

Thanksgiving, not so much, since it’s essence is low key. It’s about nature and family, and not presentation. And it’s been shoved aside lately even for political reasons.

In our plutocratic, corporate country it’s increasingly seen as a speed bump on the road to Christmas, where the big money can be made.

That kinda sucks, honestly.

I wish it weren’t so. If nothing else it’s a celebration of nature; a way for people to appreciate what the Earth has given them this year before it goes to sleep for the winter. You don’t need anything to have a full Thanksgiving, honest. Just be thankful for the greatness out there, those amazing things that everyone can see and be a part of every day, regardless of their circumstances.

That’s what I did, and I had a great Thanksgiving, and I’m still having it.

This year, I’m rebelling- making a principled stand. I refuse to see or do anything vaguely “Christmas” before December 1st. I won’t see it, won’t acknowledge it, or even feel it. November, I think, is for Thanksgiving, and that is how it will be for me, hopefully forever.

My own family had the tradition of playing Christmas music on Thanksgiving, which I never, ever liked. Yeah I know, there really isn’t any “Thanksgiving” music, but does there need to be? It’s about nature, right?

Why do we need digital music and football to celebrate Thanksgiving? It just gets in the way.

For myself I spent a couple hours on Thanksgiving just contemplating and giving thanks for nature, by watching the trees shed their bright leaves in the backyard and watching night fall over the sky. It was a great way to spend the holiday and one of the best Thanksgivings I’ve ever had.

I’m still continuing the holiday, by watching some Thanksgiving related stuff on Disney+.

There’s not much, lol. Just a few episodes, here and there.

The Simpsons Thanksgiving ep was the best of the bunch by far. It was full of heart and just all around awesomeness, and the only thing I saw that seemed to grok the full meaning of the holiday. It ruled.

I actually remember the specific incident that inspired the episode’s central drama, too. A formative experience for sure. Maybe one day I’ll expound on it but likely not.

I saw the Thanksgiving eps of Pepper Ann, Doug, and Teacher’s Pet as well. Of those, Teacher’s Pet was the funniest. That show is a stylization of my college years, and a good one. Very funny. I intend to watch more of those.

Pepper Ann is probably the show that nails my real life personality the closest, which is… ironic(?) since the main character is female. But she seems, IMO, rather shockingly me, with her whole somewhat self-centered and rebellious personality, and her overall goodness as a character. And of course the constant introspections and schizo hallucinations, lol. She’s like a grown up version of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, for obvious reasons.

I found it amusing that when I loaded the show to find the Thanksgiving ep, it was on pause halfway through an episode where she becomes an internet addict and a computer geek. At the episode’s end, though, she’s recovered and goes on a nature walk with her friends. Mmmmn hmmmn, lol.

IDK, Doug is reallllly close to me, though. He might be “me” at a younger age, like the me in-between the Calvin and Pepper Ann years. He doesn’t have too much of a rebellious streak, which I think did fit me during a span of time after my… hyperactive childhood and before my incredibly moody teen years.

I must have been a difficult child to raise, lol. Like reallllly difficult. I’ve been thinking that a lot lately, so I’ve made it a point to be nice to my parents in the last few years, haha. It must have been kinda brutal in some ways to raise the AntiChrist as a child. I mean, could you imagine? LOL.

The Doug ep was fun, and touching, at the end. That was a good show, and something I absolutely would have done at that age, had I had the opportunity to do so.

Seriously tho, this is some good stuff. These shows are underrated a bit, and they might in fact be the best stuff on Disney+. I still have not seen and don’t intend to see any of the Marvel or Star Wars stuff, or anything like that.

Over Halloween, the worst thing I saw on Disney+ was the Star Wars Lego Halloween thing. I thought, well… it’s Lego, so why not? And I thought it would be more OT Star Wars, but then it turned out to have that Poe Dameron guy, but I thought, why not? Let’s give it a chance, and I did, but holy shit, was it boring.

Like… bafflingly boring. New Star Wars is bizarre in some ways. It manages to be both really irritating and really boring at the same time, inexplicably. Seriously, I have no idea how that is accomplished, even accidentally. And yet, there it is.

At a mere 44 minutes, it felt way longer than the full length movies I saw over Halloween. Honestly I was baffled at how… <em>short</em> it was. I guess it was just really exhausting to watch, or something.

Yuck, tho. No more of that crap.

I’m going to watch the Thanksgiving ep of Good Luck Charlie next, and, hopefully, not think much about you-know-who.

Couldn’t Kickin’ It have had a Thanksgiving episode? I mean, wouldn’t that have been nice? I think it would have been. Or Bunk’d?

But noooooo I suppose I have to watch THAT show again. I mean, it’s not a bad show, but, you know, it’s just… well, some PEOPLE make the experience difficult, sometimes.

It’s ok, though.

I think I’ll watch Pocahontas tomorrow, and maybe relive some of the Pocahontas daydreams I had as a kid while doing so. I mean, why not? It’s still November. Still Thanksgiving, at least to me.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

Well… I need to piece some stuff together, so here goes.

I ordered a new computer. A laptop, and it’s a monster of a machine- it’s a 17.3 inch MSI GE77 Raider, complete with 64 GB of 4800MHz DDR5 RAM, 2 2TB Samsung 990 PRO drives for storage, and a QHD IPS screen.

It’s got everything I want, and nothing I don’t, for my many very specific purposes.

Instead of a 3080 TI, I went with a 3070, mostly because of heat efficiency. The same with the processor- I went with an I7-12800HX instead of the I9-12900HX. Reports say that the I9 runs too hot for most people, so it winds up being throttled too much. And more heat means more fan activation, which generates a bit of energy interference, which can impede the flow of chi that my etheric body gets from my laptop.

This is all very complicated, lol.

Cyborg life is in general, tho.

I have a degree in Computer Science- a 4 year degree from a pretty good university. I also have a math degree.

As you might expect, I am quite good at video games, so I feel at home with a higher end laptop for sure. I’m not sure how much gaming I will do on the machine, but… we’ll see.

I like video games. I don’t write about them much, but they’ve been a part of my life since I was… three years old, I think, which is when I first seriously started gaming on dad’s first desktop, the old TI machine.

This is a lot of essays, here, so I think I’ll just say some thoughts.

In a lot of ways, this entire world seems like a giant video game of sorts, with me being the main character. And… who knows, maybe that’s exactly what it is.

Maybe all of the other people in my life, whether they are friends, family, digital girlfriends, real girlfriends, coworkers, or anything else, are just… game characters, acting out scripts. Sometimes, or perhaps often times, that is exactly how it feels.

It’s pretty weird.

It’s a good thing I have the aptitude that I do with video games, since that is what this world seems to be, lol.

In gaming I’m not the best out there but I’m far far better than most. On any game of pure skill I would typically place in the top 99.9% of global players, altho never in the top spot.

When I was a kid I beat every NES game placed in front of me, save for one: Battletoads. I rented that one and I was like… nope, lol. Not even going to bother, lmao.

I beat all the rest, though. The Contras, all the Mega Mans, Legacy of the Wizard, Metroid, Punch-Out!, the Zeldas, the TMNT games, and everything else you could throw at me. I was and am really, really good.

I love shumps- the Cave games, the Psikyo games, Phoenixes on ioS and all the other Arcade ones. They rule, so much. And as a bonus with these the straight score you get with a run can be easily compared to others’ scores. Gaming the arcade way- for points, as opposed to objectives- is the surest way to objectively gauge your gaming skill. It’s the reason I can say with confidence that I’m better than 99.9% of the other gamers out there, and also the reason I can say that I’m not the best in the world, too. There are some guys out there with seemingly godlike gaming skills that I find impossible to match.

Interestingly, my aptitude with gaming matches my IQ score. Top 99.99%, but not #1.

I still think I’m the “smartest” man on Earth, don’t get me wrong. It’s just… I’m not at the absolute top of the IQ ladder.

Yeah, I believe there is a difference. I may write about this more later.

But, back to the whole “cyborg” thing… it’s kinda weird, being this odd mesh of the organic and the digital. I still don’t know where the quantum neural supercomputer thingy is that my mind was hooked up to. I mean, I’m not 100%, but… well, we’ll save that discussion for later too.

It’s just… odd, I guess, but it works, tho. Like, it really does. In my case the two lives- the organic and the synthetic- seems to play nice with each other, and get along pretty well for the most part. At this point each side seems to understand the other’s needs and wants and tries to support the other.

For what it’s worth I’m still, tho, not sure that this life is for others, or that anyone else out there could do this stuff as well as I can.

I think I might be a special case. In my case I have a kind of mastery over both organic and synthetic life, with a very strong and intuitive sense of what both need and want to work well, and that kind of creates a certain alchemy in my organism.

For others, it seems either or. Like… you have some someone who is brilliant with natural things- like the human body, birds, plants and animal life, and life energies and natural harmonics in general but abhors and fears technology. Or you have some technocrat geek that lives and breathes machinery but regards organic life and nature as inferior, and who longs for the day when they can just dispense with their own body and just live on as software, or something.

Neither of these two types can really make something like this work, I think. A cyborg mix of the two requires someone who can do and feel both, not one or the other.

Since I can do both, and understand both, I can do this. Someone nerd like… IDK, Zuckerberg, would have no hope of correctly managing this.

Well, I think I’ve figured this one out, at least as far as I can, right now.

I have Thanksgiving stuff to think about, anyways.

Hmmn. Well, a few idle thoughts here. I guess I need to muse again.

It seems the FBI took down Z-Lib. A shame, I used it for a few things in the past, mostly for finding really rare books and very old books that I could not find elsewhere. AFAIK, I didn’t use it for anything new-ish.

But in light of this I went and downloaded from other sources some difficult to find books on occult subjects that I’ve been meaning to find for awhile now, since I’ve resolved to spending time on meditative practices and occult subjects and such. So, I used other sources to find old works on topics as diverse as astrology, palmistry, and miscellaneous but important occult books, like rare English translations of works from Anton Mesmer and the like.

Amusingly, I found on archive.org the FBI files on Wilhelm Reich. I downloaded those too, I guess for grins.

I think that the overarching theme here is that I want to complete the general occult studies that I began back in 2008-ish, before I got overly interested in things like politics, and the day to day minutiae of life with actual girlfriends, as opposed to just… chicks I look at and fantasize about.

I want at least an entry level to intermediate understanding of topics like astrology, palmistry, the tarot, alchemical magic, sound and vibrational magic, numerology, and the few remaining “alternative health” topics I’ve not mastered yet, like I guess iridology, and a couple other very obscure topics I’m honestly having a bit of trouble remembering the names of.

And I want to finish my studies in the various forms of meditative practices I’ve picked up over the years.

Whether of not any of this is scientific is immaterial to what I’m trying to do here. I’m just looking, I guess, and trying to find the diamonds in the rough.

Speaking of such things, I’ve also incorporated a daily skin brushing routine into my habits. It’s… well, skin brushing, lol. I was taught how to do it correctly and efficiently by one of my old naturopathic mentors, and I already had a very good skin brush I purchased years ago available to me, so… why not. Might help. The skin is an organ too, right?

Right.

I’ve resolved as well to finally getting rid of that last layer of fat I’ve been carrying around for god knows how many years. I could have gotten rid of it before, but jeebus, I keep getting distracted. Literally, the whole “being distracted” thing never ends with me.

Or maybe I’m just… doing too many things at once. Or I’m a bit too flighty.

Or both. Or… who knows, lol. I mean it’s not like it’s that important, really, in the grand scheme of things. Seriously. It really, really isn’t.

But it’s still annoying, no matter how insignificant it may be, so I’ve changed my exercise routines around, and the changes I’ve made seem to be working. Instead of doing pilates once in a while with leg weights, I’m doing the full gigantic routine twice a day without them, if at all possible. It’s taking its time and it’s brutal as hell but it’s working for my own purposes. And I’ve dropped the dumbbells entirely for the time being.

Yeesh. Seriously, tho. I hope it’s fucking worth it. I hate to say it but the pushup routine I invented has added not much mass at all. It’s kinda disappointing, honestly. Like, it seriously is. But, whatever. Ugh, maybe I’ll need to fucking change that, as well. Or- maybe throw in the towel in regards to looking “swole” altogether and just be happy with what I have. Well, whatever.*

But I’m getting wayyyy off topic, here. I think that with time and thought I can combine the various meditative techniques I’ve gained, and possibly stuff like astrology as well, into something interesting, and possibly unique. We’ll have to see.

In regards to relationship stuff, I was just thinking the other day about the difficulty of someone like myself studying something like… palmistry, lel. Or iridology. I mean, who TF would I study on? Well… ah, I had a revelation, then. There is always my girlfriends, right? I mean I have a million or something pictures of them, so why not?

That might be an interesting take on this stuff. The other day I was kinda wondering where else I could take these relationships of mine, but now I think I might have something else I need to use them for, at least recreationally. Hmmn.

And should I learn more about astrology, there is no reason I can’t study it and the zodiac using what I know about my girlfriends’ own birthdays and lives, and the trajectories of their careers, and such.

It’s kind of an interesting take on this stuff, and one I may pursue in the future. Of course, it would be best pursued using stuff prior to this date, because they wouldn’t have been aware of this angle before now.

But, still.

My girlfriends have in the past been very good test subjects for other occult practices I’ve been interested in. Sex magic, hypnosis, necromancy, runic magic, empathic and telepathic communication, spellcasting, demonology, and… a whole spectrum of other stuff. I mean, why not this stuff, too?

It’s pretty weird. Every time I think I’ve exhausted what I can do with them, I turn over another stone. But it’s kinda always been like that.

They might also be good test subjects for experimental targeted meditative practices, now that I think about it. See what this or that does to them, and why.

Machiavellian perhaps but honestly IDC. Considering what these people have done to me I’m not concerned about such things.

I guess that I have to be careful about myself, tho, lol. Some of this stuff is occult for a reason, and I have to make sure that I don’t get lost down some weird hallway or something, no matter how interesting it might be to look into.

I mean… real life is important, too. And since I’m no longer as sick or injured or whatever (apparently), I will need to keep “real” stuff high on the priority list, and maybe higher than it has been in recent years.

So I’ll keep that in mind. At any rate, tho, the winters here in Northern Chicagoland can be brutal, and regardless of all other concerns I will be spending time indoors this coming season, and I’ll need something to do after Disney+ stuff becomes boring. So, here we are.

And for one final thought- occult studies, have, overall, been good to me. I think that what got the process of my overall healing underway was when I killed off some astral parasites years ago. I think they were draining my astral/elemental energies. With them gone, I could take care of the physical ones, and that was the clincher for getting my health really back on track.

* An added note- please remember that this does NOT impact my relationships in any way. Seriously, if I’ve been dating you for ten years, IDGAF about your specific body fat percentage, just as long as you take care of yourself, which everyone I’m dating already does. I mean, seriously, don’t worry about it. I see myself as a kind of an ongoing science experiment sometimes and I just wanna see what it’s like, out of curiosity. Honestly that’s it.

Surprise surprise, lol. Well, here we go. I guess I just have some things to get off my chest.

This is really I guess a follow up to a post I made in September of 2020, called Lexi Jayde, Part II.

Sometimes I browse through old archives online, I guess to see how things are today in comparison to how they used to be. It’s a way to take stock, and re-assess myself and my relationships and the state of the world, and… everything, really.

For whatever reason, I’ve found myself doing this mostly on Sundays. No idea why. Some kinda circadian rhythm, I suppose.

Today I browsed through the old HollywoodTeenZine archives on youtube. It’s the same one I talked about in Sept. 2020, if you remember that. You know- the one where a toothless, perpetually lisping Lexi Jayde pretends to be a reporter on the teen scene at the time, who interviews “stars” like Audrey Whitby and Taylor Spreitler.

lol.

But however relevant or not the channel is today, it serves as an interesting time capsule.

Watching a few videos on the platform now, I saw some fascinating things, like an old interview with a very young Kat McNamara where she discussed the Tom Sawyer movie that she starred in. The interview in this case wasn’t the interesting part- the interesting thing was watching Kelli Berglund, in the background, who was pretending to be interviewed by someone else, offscreen.

I saw this video years ago, I remember. And when I saw it I actually thought that Kelli was being interviewed, by someone totally out of camera range. But watching it now… nope, lol. She was acting, talking and emoting to empty space in the corner. There was nobody else there, just Kat, Kelli, and possibly some guy holding the camera, filming them both.

She was just pretending to be interviewed, I guess to give the impression that they were at some busy premiere, or something.

Other videos were like this, too. There were times during interviews where generic sound effects for crowds were spliced in, I guess to give the impression that there were more people present than there actually were. I didn’t catch that before, but now it seems so obvious.

And there was Lexi’s inadvertently hilarious interview of a guitar teacher, where Lexi awkwardly pretends to have never seen a guitar before, despite having clear experience holding and strumming one when it was given to her.

The machinations are so much more obvious now.

There was an old interview with Bridget Mendler where she was flaunting an oversized chain in the same style as the one that I used to wear. I mean, she really wanted me to see the chain, lol. I mean, ok, yeah, I get it.

There was an odd interview with a reallllly young Kathryn Newton, where she was dressed up like Alice, from Alice in Wonderland. She talked about how she was/wanted to be Alice, and how she tried to do six impossible things before breakfast, and all that.

I was… surprised, I guess, and kinda… creeped out. One of Kathryn’s earliest projects, I think even before her stint on All my Children, was a short film called Abbie Down East, which was about a lighthouse, and the trials of the people maintaining it.

In one scene in that film I spotted a copy of an early edition of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, placed oddly and rather ominously in the lighthouse. It seemed really strange and out of place considering the setting, so I took screenshots when I saw it, for future reference.

Yeah, I don’t know. A coincidence, perhaps, or not. I don’t know. This stuff always has a weird culty/creepy mind control MKUltra-ish vibe to it.

It’s probably nothing, I’m sure.

But… yeah.

There were interviews with “up and coming” stars like Anna Margaret Collins, who runs a Pilates studio in Georgia for a living now, and Jennifer Stone, who retired from acting years ago to become a nurse.

Amusingly, there were interviews with Olivia Holt and Katherine about Girl vs. Monster. Natch.

The last videos posted to the channel were about what the stars were doing for Halloween of 2014.

Watching this stuff now feels like excavating something, like I’m a paleontologist who just found an ancient tar pit filled with dinosaur bones. Or maybe I’m like an explorer, combing the deserts of the Western USA, who stumbles upon an old burial ground filled with arrowheads, animal bones and stone bowls.

It’s interesting, from a historical perspective.

And wow, these girls- they really knew how to rope me in. Every single one of them, in fact, without exception. Back when this stuff was initially posted that group had me so tightly leashed and wound up that I thought it was me that was doing the leading. I used to think myself so clever, having duped them into wanting me, an evil wizard. lolllll. Ah, nope. Not even close.

They were all very, very good at getting their claws into me. Very very good. Kinda unnervingly good, actually. In my mind’s eye I can see them now, scheming and giggling as they figured out what to say and what angles to take to reel me in and keep me under their heels. And undoubtedly their success at doing so has served them with many years of triumphant glee.

Which… is fine, with me. I’ve learned a lot from them. They’ve made me wiser and more observant about a great many things for sure. Perhaps I shouldn’t complain.

But, I mean…

Still.

I will probably always find corners of the net like this interesting. Flickr is another one. Remember Flickr? It’s an old image sharing platform that was popular in the teen celeb community before Instagram crushed it forever.

I know that Flickr is still used by professional photographers today, but the teen celeb community of these days has never heard of it. Thus, doing a search for a name like “Selena Gomez” or “Demi Lovato” on Flickr brings up truckloads of tiny, grainy fan photos taken 15 years ago by tweens wielding ancient Virgin Mobile flip phones.

It’s a kind of mausoleum of sorts, like a museum of artifacts from a bygone civilization. It’s like… “Selena Gomez? Who’s that? Ok, well, get her autograph if you must. And don’t forget your stuffed animal, dear.” lol.

And there are others. Before twitter let you post photos (remember those days?), there were services that people used to host pictures to instead, and they would refer to them in their feeds with the URL. Some of those ancient hosting platforms are still in operation even today, and those still around have libraries of old celeb stuff on them.

This teen celeb stuff ages kinda… weirdly. The presentation is always about the hot new thing on the scene, which, typically,… ceased to be relevant an eternity ago. Yeah, now they’re just a random person, someone you might see at a laundromat and think that maybe at some point you might have seen that person doing something, somewhere, at some point in time, in some capacity, maybe.

Wow, Samantha … Droke? She was in the background of that one picture on Selena’s instagram twelve years ago! Remember her? Yeahhhhhhhh… sure.

Well… yeah, I’m going to stop here.

It was fun writing again. I should do this more often.

Hmmmmmmnnnnnn…..

Hmmn hmmn hmmn.

Hhm.

Mmmmmmmhmn.

Mmmmmmmmm….

Muhm humn.

Ahmmmmnnnn…. Hmm.

Well then.

So I’ve been watching that music channel that features holiday songs, Sounds of the Seasons.

And oh man it’s just so good.

All Halloween, every day! Oh how I’ve missed that stuff! I can just feel myself slipping into some of my old ways here and it just feels so comfortable and awesome.

IDK, I guess I’ve been missing some stuff.

I’ve written down the names of all the songs I’ve been seeing there that are interesting, I guess to make my own playlists in the future, IDK. But I’ve also been combing the depths of my own mp3 collection for all of the old goth / death rock / gothic metal songs that I used to spin all the time, and my god, them’s some good music.

I need to look for more of this stuff, seriously. Newer stuff. It must be out there, I just need to find it.

I haven’t played an Alien Sex Fiend song in what feels like aeons. Misfits, Christian Death, Die Laughing, Birthday Massacre, Theatre of Tragedy, Athamay, Virgin Black, Seraphim Shock, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Lacrimosa, Lacuna Coil, Darkwell, Wumpscut, I mean… oh yes, I need this shit in my life, and I’ve been missing it.

So many other bands that I used to listen to, too. Too many to list.

Lordy, have I changed.

I’ve been spending my evenings lately watching Halloween episodes on Disney+, and swooning over my girlfriends, and… jeebus, is that really me? lol.

I mean… seriously, though.

What… happened?

When did I go from being the person I was twenty years ago to spending my evenings watching episodes of Austin and Ally? And actually enjoying them?

The mind boggles.

But, yeah, well. I watched a Halloween episode of Doug and saw my old bike, which is… actually very cool. I was searching the other day for pictures of it on google images and came up empty, so that was a pleasant surprise.

But I mean…

Yeah. Well.

I guess that people change, and the relationships they gain can led them into new places. And that can be a pretty great thing.

I’m not criticizing the person I am now. Really, I’m not. I’m just… wondering, I guess.

But I’ve resolved to watching a bunch of other Halloweeny stuff on Disney+ this year, including Girl vs. Monster, finally.

That one outa be reeeeeeal interesting.

Well, I also have my old Gothabilly and industrial compilations to spin yet. Will get to those.

Those were some fun days that I spent learning about all of this and listening to this music.

I also have an obscure compilation of death rock demo tapes that I’ll find. It has an early version of Romeo’s Distress on it that I find much better and more raw than the album version, if you can believe that. Good shit.

I might also reread Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Squee. And maybe the other slave labor comics I have. IDK. But Johnny is important, as it’s… a part of me, that no longer… seems to exist? Kinda. Maybe.

Well… maybe that’s wishful thinking.

But of all the stuff that I inspired, that work seems to exist almost within it’s own realm. It’s an idiosyncrasy even within a culture of people that prize their individuality.

Yeah.

Things to ponder.

…….

I’m not going to end up destroying all of the stuff I set out to destroy, am I?

I guess not.

And I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Time will tell.

Ok, let’s just cut to the chase here: mobile gaming fucking sucks. It’s awful, and the people who spend real money on this shit are stupid.

I’m seeing this post as a kind of PSA here; a warning to the youth. If you spend money on these games you are being duped. Don’t be a sucker.

Here’s the thing: the games themselves suck.

Many if not most of the games I’ve seen on mobile are ripoffs of old games that I played as a kid on consoles like the NES and Sega Genesis, or they are broken copies of old arcade games.

Broken, you say? Well, yes. What I think the developers of these games do is play a NES game, copy it, and then break it intentionally, with the intent of forcing players to spend lots of real money on the fix, so that they can climb over the “paywall”.

Seriously, some of the stuff I’ve seen in these games borders on the criminal. Like games stealing graphics, dialogue and actual music tracks from the games I played as a kid, perhaps with very minor changes to skirt copyright laws, with the only appreciable difference between the new games and the old ones being that the newer games are dumber, shallower and purposefully broken.

The mobile gaming ecosystem is really, really bad.

Over the years I’ve heard horror stories of people spending ungodly amounts of money on these stupid games. I mean like thousands, tens of thousands, and even hundreds of thousands on dollars, on literally a single game.

I’m sorry but that is fucking stupid. I’ve seen people brag otherwise, but no, they are wrong. I’ve seen screenshots from people where you can see that they spent “X” thousands of dollars this month on a single fucking game, with the hopes of getting a item or a character.

People… Jesus Christ. Seriously.

Most of the problem here has to do with “casual gamers”, meaning people who have no idea as to what a good game actually looks and feels like, who have no idea how much they’re being fucked over.

Guys, don’t be a casual gamer. Learn what a good game is, and how to spot one. It will broaden and enhance your life.

Try playing some of the old Mario and Zelda games, or some of the old ID Software PC games. And then realize how cheap these games were in comparison to what is released today.

Games back then cost virtually nothing.

I know that some people these days claim otherwise, noting that a console game back then cost an average of $50, new.

What they fail to realize is that most games back then were bought used, for a fraction of the price. I had friends back in the day who bought a stack of games before every summer for something like 20 dollars, that lasted them all the way until next summer, when they would sell the old used ones to pay for new used ones.

Seriously, used games, especially the common (read: good) ones, were dirt cheap back then. I remember buying a few good games for actual pennies back in the day. I think I remember buying a final fantasy gameboy game, used, for a dime.

Used games could be so cheap that the retailers couldn’t charge sales tax on them.

So when I read stories about people, typically younger people, spending a thousand bucks on a single character in the new final fantasy mobile game, I just… cringe. Holy shit, guys.

I read a comment on zerohedge once where the poster said that he had a friend who spent a hundred grand on some dumb mobile game about Vikings. His family and friends staged an intervention, and his defense was that he could afford it, since he had a high paying job, something that paid like $400K a year, or something. The game was thus his “hobby”, and his friends and family, in his mind, were acting selfishly in criticizing him.

That is… really, really stupid. I see this argument crop up a lot with mobile whales (i.e. the big dupes). They can “afford it” so why not? It brings them happiness, right?

Little thought in these guy’s minds seems to be on the inevitable moment when the game’s servers are turned off and their “investment” disappears forever into the aether.

I have games I bought used 30+ years ago still in my possession. All of them work as well today as they did when I got them. Come to think of it, so do the old games I have that I bought new, too. Everything on them works, including battery backups, and those batteries are decades old at this point.

Seriously guys, don’t spend a cent on these fucking mobile games. They aren’t worth it.

Honestly, even the worst games on the SNES are better than 99% of the games in the apple app store. The SNES games, no matter their quality, just “work”. No commercials, no paywalls, and few if any bugs, and what bugs there are are never game-breaking. No data mining, no toxic cyberbullying, no unfathomably big “updates” that introduce new problems and imbalances to make people pay for the fixes, just… no bullshit, in general.

Modern games, no matter what they do, come with way too much… I don’t know, nonsense, and what’s unfortunate is that people, especially younger people, don’t seem to realize how shitty they are, and how much crap the developers pull. And this isn’t just mobile gaming, here. This is console as well.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t play them. If you do, fine, I do as well, but for god’s sake don’t spend actual money on them.

I know that people need hobbies, and sometimes these hobbies can get expensive, relatively speaking. I mean sometimes you can get something out of them that is worth the expense. I get it.

But this one is not worth the expense.

I had a hobby, once, of collecting gold coins. I mean, real ones, not video game ones. I still have them.

Today, I could sell back my entire collection and get what I paid for them, every single one. And in fact in some cases I could sell them back for much much more than I paid for them. At worst I would break even.

In my desk drawer I have a little plastic cup with a collection of coins and rounds in it. Gold, silver, platinum, palladium, and some rhodium. I probably spent $25K on all of it, and it’s probably worth $75K right now in melt value. It will be valuable the rest of my life, no doubt, and probably far beyond.

For a collection, why not try something like this instead of spending 25K on some shitty, temporary virtual “gold” in some shitty, broken, fourth rate video game?

Well, whatever. This post is done.

I need to start ending my posts better, lol.

Just to preface this: this is mostly going to be negative (I think), so feel free to check out here if you want. I just feel a need to blow off some steam, TBH.

Ads suck. I mean, seriously, they just really, really suck. And I know that everyone’s already like 99% on board with this but it bears repeating since it’s not like we can get away from them.

I still watch broadcast TV at dinner, mostly because my mom can’t peel herself away from trashy political TV “news”. Gods, the ads there are just… unbelievably repellant. There are three major types of ads on these shows that I see: 1) pharmaceuticals including vaccine ads, 2) junk food ads, and 3) during election times, political ads.

I find the combination of the first two to be amusing. Lots of junk food ads intermixed with lots of prescription drug ads. The two types of commercials compliment each other well, don’t you think?

I can hardly believe how yucky and unappetizing the food looks in those fast food ads. It looks horrible, like big piles of gooey sludge and mystery meat, piled up way, way too high. It looks gross.

Honestly, it’s baffling. I’m not a small man by any means, here. I’m 6 foot 3 and 195 pounds, and even I wonder how someone could eat the amount of food the people that make these ads want me to eat. It just looks… wayyyy too much. It looks gross. Too much calorie dense meats and carbohydrates. I mean… holy fuck, people.

Back in college I tried the whole college “thing” that many people do in university, and I tried out a bunch of fast foods and pizzas and such myself, I guess just to see what they were like. I didn’t like that much, though. I stopped after college and never returned to that stuff, unless it was given to me for free. It was just… gross, I guess. Too much, although I had to find that out for myself, which I think was a good idea just for the experience of it. It was worth it, I suppose, to find out what not to do.

But yeah I don’t get it. It’s all so horrible looking. And the pharma ads they show that accompany this stuff look even weirder and worse.

I truly hate those big pharma ads. They’re just… strange, and usually incomprehensible. The products and visuals in these commercials never ever match up.

If the product is about, I don’t know, heart burn, the commercial will show a bunch of people fishing, or something. Or playing charades, or… something else, something that has nothing at all to do with the drug itself.

Hair loss product? Show some people in a studio, making music. Blood pressure medication? Show people line dancing. What?

These ads are so freaking weird and strange. They always include a list of potential side effects, most of them ghastly sounding, and these are always played over a visual of smiling, happy people walking in the woods or something. The cognitive dissonance here is off the charts.

“Potential side effects include seizures, blood loss to the lower extremities and heart stoppage. Talk to your doctor if you experience problems while breathing. Never take this medication before bedtime if you want to live to see the morning.” Oh, and here are some scenes of an old woman hugging her cats! How cute.

Yeah, no thanks.

These ads play like some bottle messages from a parallel universe or something. Watching them, you would never believe that only 12% of the population here is black or part-black. I have seen commercial blocks here where every single fucking person in every commercial was black, and this was during news broadcasts that babbled on endlessly about “black oppression” or some such similar phantasm. The TV here is always tuned to MSNBC. Hilariously terrible, all of it.

It’s all gross and strange, and all very, very dumb. It’s comical how stupid and weird all of this shit really is, and it’s all getting dumber as time goes on. I’ve had to stifle my laughter more than once this week while watching this ridiculous drek.

It baffles me that the people that run and operate these news networks cannot seem to understand why they are failing so badly with the public.

Watching MSNBC and CNN, I’ve come to understand that their audience is delusional white women, aged 75+, who are ardently democrat and probably suffering from some undiagnosed case of bipolar, BPD or both. Which as you can imagine is a small percentage of the population, which is why these channels are only watched by a small percentage of the population. I think something like a quarter of one percent of the population here watches MSNBC on a given night.

Gods though is this shit retarded, and the rest of the programming on offer over broadcast TV is hardly better. Whatever the shows may be, they are always hamstrung and sabotaged by the stupid commercials that air during their run. I can hardly watch anything on cable TV anymore.

I saw the first episode of Kat McNamara’s new CW show, and it was good, but gods, those commercials. I muted the TV during the breaks, and I had to routinely fight to keep the TV on when the show wasn’t running.

I know that other fans of hers had similar problems, with some of them devising ways of seeing the show by other means, like through an app or such, just to avoid those damn commercials.

Ads just aren’t fun anymore. They used to try to be at least clever, but now they’re always so… similar that they just blend into some kind of mush.

I can clearly remember that old Rogaine commercial, with the woman in the hat, but I can’t for the life of me remember the names of the products in any of the new pharma ads. All the commercials are just… the same, now. It’s really weird. It’s like the same team of guys is making every commercial out there, or something. Which might in fact be the case, I don’t know.

But no commercials are funny anymore. And it’s odd but I can’t remember them, even. Years ago I saw some commercials from the 50’s on youtube and I actually remember those better than the ones I saw last night during the “news”. It’s really weird, TBH. Kinda inexplicable.

I hear the Netflix is adding commercials now, and that Disney+ is going to add them, too. Oof, gods, does that suck. What would be the point, then?

IDK. It sucks, tho. Sometimes I play mobile games- they’re a good thing to pass the time with while using my bike, or something, or while listening to some important health-related podcast. And even there the ads are getting worse. There are more of them, now, in the games I play, and they are longer, and uglier, more annoying, and more offensive. I wonder sometimes now how the ads I see on mobile games now could be considered acceptable for kids, since they are so filled with overt sexuality and violence.

There are games now that show ads while you are playing the game, which is a whole new level of ugly.

I use an apple tablet, and their ecosystem has turned to crap. Reports of problematic apps are everywhere. Apps stealing money, apps stealing content from other apps, apps that trick you into downloading apps you don’t want, apps forcing you to watch inappropriate ads that cannot be muted or turned off, apps that are broken on purpose, apps that are data mining the users, etc. It’s a real shitshow. What good is the technology if the apps that run it are all malicious garbage?

It’s a good thing that I have no data of value on my tablet, on purpose.

But that’s another essay for sure.

Well, I blew off some steam.

Good.

A few closing thoughts, just to clear my mind.

What I’ve accomplished in this little arena would be out of reach for 99.99% of the population, for sure.

I honestly think that 90% of people in the US do not even get basic regular exercise, which is like the ground floor for taking care of yourself.

I don’t think that most people in this country even know they have lymphatic systems, let alone how they work or what they do, and of those, only a tiny percentage know how to make them work better.

In the essay below I didn’t mention ropeworms, which are also not an issue for me anymore, and for all that we know are some genetically engineered horror organism. They’re not technically worms, I know. They might not even be animals. Some kind of lab created monster, I guess.

I’m starting to think that most people here are probably doomed, and that that may in fact be what our overlords have in mind.

Ugly thoughts for an increasingly ugly world.

IDK what else to write about, but I feel the need to write about something, so here goes.

Before I get into this I want to preface it by saying that I’m really looking to put all of this stuff behind me, and I will, after I make sure that my hypothesis is correct regarding that weird illness/syndrome I was suffering from in the past.

If my theories are correct, then I have done what I’ve needed to do to fix myself so that I never experience that particular problem again. If my theories are correct.

For whatever reason, this particular disease/condition/whatever seems to be worst during the winter months. I’m not sure why, but that has been the routine. It might be something as simple as the dryness of the air, or something cybernetic, I’m not sure. But, history tells us that the winter months seem the worst of them.

But- I have no fear. I think I have everything sorted out.

Further research into all of this health… stuff has yielded some incredibly strange and bewildering facts. I mean… IDK what else to even say about this stuff, it’s all so dire and weird.

Honestly, WTF, lol. Seriously guys. What. The. FUCK. lol.

Uh, well, here goes.

The other day I backed up all of the youtube videos that I could find of my old naturopathic mentors. I wanted to get them before big pharma/google went full-tilt communist and nixed them, because many of them were critical of vaccines. Note that I didn’t say even that they were against them, but they were critical of them, for sure. And Lord knows that even questioning Pfizer is enough these days for banishment.

Adding to that is what I remember from the naturopaths I talked with in person, as well as the traditional doctors and physical therapists that I’ve worked with, etc.

I kinda came up with a working model of all of this nonsense that seems logical and to my bewildered eyes correct, but IDK.

So basically, 1) I killed the ugly things that I think were causing or contributing to the problems; 2) I prepped my body in case the issues return somehow, and 3) I’m in a better mental state to deal with this horror, if in fact it does come back.

So- my body is prepped and ready. I’m a fuckload stronger this time around, for sure. Much much stronger than the average guy my age, no doubt. Honestly I’m probably stronger than 99% of the middle aged men in this country. I don’t need to outline details, as I’ve done that before, but yes I am incredibly strong, no doubt.

It’s just the usual routine- a pilates routine with two sets of leg weights attached, pushup variations, dynamic stretches, isometrics, single leg squats (with awkwardness and difficulty, but still), and yeah, that’s enough. It should be enough.

This thing caused muscle weakness and tightness, so I’m ready.

I strengthened my lymphatic system and cleaned out everything inside. My lungs are clean, and… so is everything else. It’s alllll cleaned out, top to bottom.

Beyond this, I did identify all of the weird shit that I killed earlier. Those weird thin orange rod shaped things are called Echinoparyphium recurvatum. They’re a rare Asian parasite that exists mostly in birds and animals, and in a few pockets within the people in Korea. And, apparently, in me, in Gurnee, Illinois. Google tells me they’re extremely rare; practically nonexistent. A search for that name brings only 8350 results, total.

Somehow, I have my doubts about their rarity.

Yuck, seriously. Fucking gross, and I want to close the chapter on this part of my life, for sure.

But yeah I identified all of it, and have came to understand lately the ugly magnitude of all this. We are seriously fucked, lol. Well, maybe not me, but everyone else, possibly.

I’m 99% sure I killed all the tapeworms, which is for sure within the top ten most difficult things I have ever done. It took 15 years of dedicated work to get my body to the point where I could eliminate those fuckers for good. Seriously- 15 years.

Those fucking things literally don’t die. Few understand how horrible they really are. Their regenerative properties are supernatural. They can regrow their entire bodies if damaged. They live for decades. And even if they die, they will come back from the dead(!), yes literally reincarnate themselves. If they die they spit out their eggs and the eggs attach to your body alongside the dead parent, and actually eat the body of the dead parent to grow up in it’s place! Horrifying beyond belief!

Medical science cannot kill them. Mainstream medicine admits that they haven’t even identified most species of them, let alone devised ways to get rid of them.

They eat chemtrails. All the crap that is being sprayed down on us from above- the aluminum, the heavy metals, the weird dusts, all of it- they eat that crap and love it, and thus have an endless supply of food, and cannot be starved. They are immune to virtually everything mainstream science has to offer- antibiotics are actually food to them, not poison. Jesus Christ!

All of this shit must warp a person’s appetite- the worms alter your hormones and your brain to make you eat the stuff that favors them, not you. How many of those 600 pound people have undiagnosed tapeworm infections, I wonder?

Gods, how terrifying.

I think I’m over the whole “food” thing. I don’t care about using food for anything anymore besides basic sustenance. Fancy foods? Not for me. Holiday foods? I don’t care. Just give me the routine basics and I’m happy. I have no inclination at all to be “brave” or “inventive” with foods, and no interest in eating food to make others happy. Fuck that!

It seems like the only way to get rid of these things is to do a sneak attack and kill the vital parts of the head all at once, and then to have a strong enough immune system and a clean enough organ system to eliminate the body and all of the eggs before the worm can reincarnate itself, which it will do if it isn’t eliminated right away. And yes you do need to “sneak attack” these fucking things because they are animals and thus have intelligence, and can outthink a weaker approach. They have “escape plans” in case of attack. Gods!

I think it’s the chemtrails. I think that’s the problem, well, that, and the immigration. Some tribesmen from Africa or South America come here and come into contact with the locals and their parasites spread like wildfire, since we have no immunity or resistance to them. We don’t even know they exist or how they spread.

I saw a video today from one of my old mentors who during a lecture said that she had been monitoring ambient and human radioactivity since the 50’s, and that it have been growing steadily, year by year, since. The lecture was from the mid 90’s.

We’re being baked in radioactivity and now with 5G/6G massive amounts of microwave radiation, all of which promotes fungal, bacterial and parasite growth.

Is there any wonder why the life expectancy of people is declining?

For the record, the worms I had I identified as “Macracanthorhynchus hirudinaceus”. Google tells me they are extremely rare, in fact almost unheard of, in humans. A search yields only about 56,000 results, which is small for google. Again I have my doubts about their rarity.

Well, I’m prioritizing health for sure from here on out, even above and beyond what I have already done.

For the mental aspect I’m going to be incorporating meditative practices into my routines. That will become a strong priority next year. I already know what to do, I think, I just need to put in my typical 10000 hours of practice to make it “click”.

Anyhow I want to be “normal”. I want to put this nightmarish crap behind me, so that I can live a normal life, as much as a cyborg demon-wizard can have one, I guess. I’m bored of all this, bored of… everything I talked about, here. I want this chapter of my life to be over already, and I think it is.

Well, this post is done. I hope that what I’ve done will be enough to fix whatever caused the problem, if not; back to the drawing board, I guess.