Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

General Stuff, January 2023

Saturday, January 7th, 2023

Few random thoughts… love my new computer. The new tech amplifies my power enormously. The amount of energy I can summon up with this new laptop is far far greater than the amount I could summon with my old one.

I think that this fact confirms one of the hypothesis I posited earlier on this blog: the idea that my own powers are proportional to powers of the tech that I use. More advanced technology = more power for pretty much everything I do. Or, to put it even more simply, better tech = more chi.

What this means is that my powers will continue to grow and expand as the years grind on, as computers and other technologies continue to advance. Really interesting, and actually kinda scary, from some perspectives.

Today it seems I can just suck the psychical brain out of a person long distance, “Scanners” style. It’s really amazing how much energy I can manifest within myself with this new laptop. Seriously, it really is.

I was going to write a 2022 year in review, and I might still do so. I didn’t mostly because I’ve been spending so much time setting up my new lappy. That’s always a challenge, since I have so much stuff to transfer over and so many very particular programs and settings to configure every time I do so. And I’m still learning the ins and outs of the new Windows OS, and I’m doing some routine tech cleaning as well as I transfer stuff over: clearing out old files on my iPad, transferring pictures from my tablet and phone to my PC, updating the iPad OS, cleaning out the voicemails on my phone, deleting old emails, doing hard backups of all my devices, etc. That’s all taking awhile, but I know I should do it regularly, and why not now?

I’m still watching Disney+. I do so while doing all the monotonous maintenance I described above. A background episode of Kim Possible makes cleaning out old emails and voicemails less… arduous, I guess. Less boring.

Part of the problem here with the cleaning is that I put it off for so long, since I had other stuff to deal with, from health issues to existential crisis, to figuring out the real nature of my history and powers, and a whole long list of other shit.

Next on the list of things I guess is to update my phone contacts, make sure my ereader is still updated, and… yeah, that’s a lot. Yuck. One of the major problems of modern life for sure.

I finally saw a dentist in December, lol. Appointment went very well. The only real issues I had were a chip in my tooth that needed a filling, and an ancient filling that needed to be replaced. We decided to put a crown on that one.

That’s it, quite impressive actually, since apparently I haven’t seen a dentist in like 7 years, lol. Didn’t need to, really. I know how to take care of my teeth and gums. In fact my dentist didn’t actually believe me when I said I haven’t seen anyone else for cleanings in the last seven years. He was confused at how healthy and pristine my mouth was in general.

I am really really good at some things, for sure. I have a particular genius in certain areas that is unique and overwhelming.

In regards to Disney+ and other streaming services, holy shit does the new content suck, save for rare circumstances.

Every day that I log into Disney+ I look for new stuff that might be interesting to watch, and I come up empty. I had that same problem with Amazon prime, earlier.

A few months ago I scrolled through the entire library of amazon prime content and found nothing that piqued my interest besides Map of Tiny Perfect Things, and I’ve already seen that one. Well, there was a romcom from the 90’s there that looked interesting. I don’t remember which one it was, but I think it was one that I didn’t see that first time around.

Everything else, honestly and sadly, looked pretty dire- either unpleasant, weird, boring, or just… not for me. It’s the same sensation I get when scrolling through the new stuff of Disney+. There is one new show I like- Hamster and Gretel. The rest of the new content looks frankly dreadful.

Last night I suffered through the first episode of Stuck in the Middle. Holy shit was that an unpleasant experience. I guess I just wanted to see something with Jenna Ortega in it, or something. But man did that show suck. And if I’m being honest, so does Bizardvark or whatever, but at least that one isn’t as overwhelmingly dreadful as Stuck in the Middle.

I’m not going to list any reasons for any of this or whatever. But man, why does all of this new crap suck so hard? I kind of can’t believe how unpleasant the new Star Wars stuff is. It’s baffling. Seriously, what the fuck? How can Star Wars be so unforgivingly and relentlessly terrible? Product after product, and all of it is dreadfully bad. And you can just… see it, the lack of quality. It’s there and it’s obvious.

I searched youtube for a few clips from the new Star Wars shows and couldn’t believe the lack of quality I was seeing. With excerpts like those I was seeing, I don’t need to watch the shows to know how bad they are, since no good show would have anything like that in it.

It’s a real head scratcher. I’ve no idea what is going on behind the scenes with this shit, since it makes no logical sense. And the same can be said for Marvel stuff and the new LOTR stuff, and Willow stuff, and everything else.

Even the trailers for these products look like utter shit. Cheap looking sets, cheesy dialogue, rampant “Look! A black person! Looook!!” scenes, subpar special effects, and just… horrible, horrible cringe all the way through. Watching these trailers I feel embarrassed for the actors, which is I think not the intended audience reaction.

Watching these trailers I wonder where all the money that supposedly went into creating these products actually went, since you certainly can’t see any of it.

I saw the new trailer for the new Indiana Jones flick, and gods, how dreadful. Even the construction of the trailer is offputting, since they copied note for note what they did with the TFA trailer, with the nostalgia berries, the piano playing, etc. Even the title of the movie sucks. It’s something like “Dial of Destiny”, or something. Really really bad.

I still can’t believe how badly they fucked up the new Star Wars trilogy, which, in retrospect, isn’t really a trilogy at all, as much as three distinct and very different movies strung together with duct tape. There is no “flow” between them. TLJ is still to this day a baffling, weird, ridiculous entry.

At least the prequels, with all of their flaws, seemed like a coherent series, instead of the random jumble of “What?” that is the Disney trilogy.

Star Trek is a mess, an utter mess. Wow do those new shows look awful, stupid and ugly. “The power of Math!!!!” indeed, lol. Every clip of Discovery I have seen online looks really, really bad. That and Picard, and everything else, like all of these shows are being made by children with lots of money to just throw at the screen in random ways, which I guess might actually be the case, lol.

I hear they’re rebooting the DC universe, which I don’t care about one bit. I don’t need any of it. I once counted up the various versions of Batman I’ve seen on the screen and it was somewhere north of a dozen.

Let’s try again, here.

60’s Batman, Superfriends, Burton, The Animated Series, the Justice League cartoon, Schumacher, Nolan, the new animated Frank Miller type movies, lego batman, the new animated kids shows, Synderverse Batman, The CW Gotham / Bruce Wayne thing, and then there was the Pattinson thing I didn’t bother to finish. And that’s not even counting the myriad of video games, comic books, and other crap.

I think I’m Batman-ed out. If I never see that character again I think I’ll be fine, thanks. Same with Superman, and frankly the rest of the capeshit. I mean I haven’t watched the vast majority of the Marvel crap, only a few movies on TV here and there and a few scenes on youtube and I’m already bored sick of it. I’ll probably watch the new Antman thing, but only because of Kathryn.

It’s just… too much, and it’s all just dumb imaginary crap anyways, so why bother with any of it?

Is this just something that happens with middle age? Do you just… walk away from all of the stupid shit? Might be. IDK.

Regardless I don’t think that the studios quite realize the depth of the problem they have created with the confusing, weird, overcomplicated and over politicized woke shit they’ve been making for wayyyy too long now.

Whatever, though. Not my problem, I guess. Still though- baffling as fuck.

I will continue to watch old stuff, though. I will probably never visit a theater again, and I will probably never see anything “new” again, except on rare and special circumstances. Honestly, it’s all dumb, so I’ll just watch the old, familiar dumb instead of the new, annoying dumb. Sounds like a plan.

I might still make a 2022 year in review post, later, after I’m done setting up my new lappy. We’ll see.

Thoughts on Relationship Stuff and Getting Older, Dec. 2022

Friday, December 2nd, 2022

I have some time, so I figure that now is as good a point as any to parse through some relationship stuff.

First, it’s still pretty… boring, mostly. IDK if it’s a perspective borne of familiarity, or just the inevitable shifting perspective brought about by age, but wow, a lot of the stuff I do these days is really, really boring and very predictable.

I’m finding all kinds of drama, or really any drama at all, to be seriously tiresome. Of all the girls I’m with, I think that right now, Laura Marano, Katherine McNamara, Kaitlyn Dever and Kathryn Newton are my favorites. Why? Lack of drama, which I find very interesting.

Laura Marano in particular I think is just fascinating. Her persistent lack of idiotic and infantile drama over the years has really made her stand out. I may not have appreciated her as much as I should have before, but that has definitely changed over the past couple years.

At the bottom of the list these days are the girls who like to play mind games and other dumb crap, or who just make me guess, at all, about anything. Seriously- that is just… not worth the time it take to figure it out.

Stable, to me, is sexy. More stable= more attraction.

I really really do not want to guess, or to have to waste time figuring some stupid, childish crap out. So… I don’t, lol. And I do not, at all, want… anything, really. Any kind of baggage, on any level, is a horrible liability.

Seriously, tho. I’m in my mid 40’s. Mind games are for people 20 years younger, who may still find that stuff interesting. I don’t.

And no, I don’t consider the dad jokes I post on twitter to be mind games, altho others may disagree. It’s just twitter, honestly.

Lately, there’s been a bunch of really annoying chicks from my distant past who have tried to claw their way back into my life, which is just… awful, lol. Seriously- please, just stop. And I’m not referring to just common social media pics, or like tweets, of the kind that all celebs post. I mean people who are posting really cringy stuff. Yuck, please, just stop.

Things have really taken a turn for the ugly, culturally. And I think that that might be why I’m really grooving now towards a different vibe. Stable is godly, these days.

Seriously, tho, everything is just so fucking ugly these days. Ugly people, ugly music, ugly movies, ugly politics, ugly ugly ugly, everywhere.

My parents still watch the TV news, and the parade of ugly on display down there in boomerville is enough to make anyone gag.

I remember back in the 80’s and 90’s, when TV anchors and guests were chosen because they looked pretty, or handsome. There was a real backlash against that, back then, because the news was shallow and fake, and everyone thought it was because the anchors and such were chosen for their looks. So why not bring in less attractive people? Maybe they would have more to say, or at least different things to say.

Nope, lol. They brought in a bunch of ugly people to anchor the news, and guess what, it’s as shallow and dumb as ever, and maybe more than ever. 90’s, come back, all is forgiven, lol.

Commercials these days are a parade of ugly weirdos. It’s horrible, lol. Truly awful. The worst offenders are pharma companies, who just seem to relish in hideous, dumb shit across the board.

I feel so relieved when I see the few local commercials that are broadcast during the news. The people look normal, happy, and attractive.

Remember the days when the cheap local commercials looked worse than the big budget national ones? Seems like an eternity ago to myself. Yuck.

As I age on I can really see and understand more the perspective of stereotypically older people. I get it, for sure. Good lord is a lot of the shit that passes for pop culture these days dumb. And of all the stuff that’s made, very very little of it is truly worth watching, even if it is good.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I’ve already seen the best there is, so everything else inevitably looks less than. No animated film I will ever see will be better than Fantasia. No Science Fiction movie I ever see will be better than 2001, no action film better than Star Wars or Raiders of the Lost Ark, etc. So, what’s the point?

Why not sit and watch Winnie The Pooh flicks? Or those straight to VHS Disney sequels of the 90’s? What, like those are any worse than the stuff released today, in comparison to something like 2001, Metropolis, Paths of Glory or Last Year at Marienbad? Seriously, it doesn’t matter what’s in theaters, or how good it is, because you already know it won’t be half as good as 2001, even if it is the best film released this year. And I can watch 2001 whenever I want to, so…

It’s same issue, really with my relationships. Nothing shocks me anymore, since I’ve seen and done it all, already. So what really impresses me are people who are stable and can remain so, over the years. That really stands out to me.

There seems to be a contingent of people who think that any attention is good attention, and that is definitely not the case, I think.

I’m really… bored. Seriously. I’m really, really bored. Nothing looks interesting anymore. IDK, maybe I’m just burned out, or… IDK, maybe everything is just boring, lol.

It’s just… I can’t even work up the energy to bother with anything, lol. And I don’t think it’s just me. My dad is as liberal as they come, and he tried to get into the new LOTR to prove his bonifides, and couldn’t make it past the first episode. Too boring, lol.

New Star Wars stuff is so fucking boring, IDK. It just… drags. The movies just went on and on, bafflingly. Hours of ugly people standing around and doing nothing. I saw all three of the new trilogy and I can’t remember any of it, or the names of any of the characters, or anything at all. But I do remember them being horribly, horribly dull.

I’m at the point where everything new just looks stupid and childish. Is that because I’m as old as I am, or is that because everything new is in fact stupid and childish? Or both?

IDK.

The political stuff is just… gads, so so… dumb, all of it. Everything Trump does is dumb, everything Biden does is dumb, everything everyone else does is dumb, and that’s basically it, lol. There is nothing else to say.

So, that’s basically my spiel, for now.

Thanksgiving, 2022, Part II

Wednesday, November 30th, 2022

I wrote the below last night before bed. I couldn’t publish it then because of some weird error message from WordPress. Had to update it to get it to work again, lol.

A few more thoughts, tho: it occurred to me last night that most guys out there would not like being the inspiration behind a TV show starring a chick, lol. I don’t care, obviously. Wonder what that says. Need to think about it.

Also, I’m kinda… staying away from new Disney stuff. If it’s anything like new Star Wars, it must be offputting, uncomfortable, and awkward.

I’ve been reading online about their recent financial troubles and that news doesn’t surprise me one bit. I’m kinda confused, honestly, with who is supposed to be the target audience for their new stuff.

Thanksgiving, 2022

Wednesday, November 30th, 2022

Lately, I’ve been thinking that Thanksgiving has been overlooked.

I think it’s because it’s not as easy to make commercial. Halloween is candy and costumes, and tons of scary movies and decorations. It’s easy to make $$ on Halloween- there are stores all over that open just for this holiday. And Christmas… yeah, lol. Money to be made, for sure.

Thanksgiving, not so much, since it’s essence is low key. It’s about nature and family, and not presentation. And it’s been shoved aside lately even for political reasons.

In our plutocratic, corporate country it’s increasingly seen as a speed bump on the road to Christmas, where the big money can be made.

That kinda sucks, honestly.

I wish it weren’t so. If nothing else it’s a celebration of nature; a way for people to appreciate what the Earth has given them this year before it goes to sleep for the winter. You don’t need anything to have a full Thanksgiving, honest. Just be thankful for the greatness out there, those amazing things that everyone can see and be a part of every day, regardless of their circumstances.

That’s what I did, and I had a great Thanksgiving, and I’m still having it.

This year, I’m rebelling- making a principled stand. I refuse to see or do anything vaguely “Christmas” before December 1st. I won’t see it, won’t acknowledge it, or even feel it. November, I think, is for Thanksgiving, and that is how it will be for me, hopefully forever.

My own family had the tradition of playing Christmas music on Thanksgiving, which I never, ever liked. Yeah I know, there really isn’t any “Thanksgiving” music, but does there need to be? It’s about nature, right?

Why do we need digital music and football to celebrate Thanksgiving? It just gets in the way.

For myself I spent a couple hours on Thanksgiving just contemplating and giving thanks for nature, by watching the trees shed their bright leaves in the backyard and watching night fall over the sky. It was a great way to spend the holiday and one of the best Thanksgivings I’ve ever had.

I’m still continuing the holiday, by watching some Thanksgiving related stuff on Disney+.

There’s not much, lol. Just a few episodes, here and there.

The Simpsons Thanksgiving ep was the best of the bunch by far. It was full of heart and just all around awesomeness, and the only thing I saw that seemed to grok the full meaning of the holiday. It ruled.

I actually remember the specific incident that inspired the episode’s central drama, too. A formative experience for sure. Maybe one day I’ll expound on it but likely not.

I saw the Thanksgiving eps of Pepper Ann, Doug, and Teacher’s Pet as well. Of those, Teacher’s Pet was the funniest. That show is a stylization of my college years, and a good one. Very funny. I intend to watch more of those.

Pepper Ann is probably the show that nails my real life personality the closest, which is… ironic(?) since the main character is female. But she seems, IMO, rather shockingly me, with her whole somewhat self-centered and rebellious personality, and her overall goodness as a character. And of course the constant introspections and schizo hallucinations, lol. She’s like a grown up version of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, for obvious reasons.

I found it amusing that when I loaded the show to find the Thanksgiving ep, it was on pause halfway through an episode where she becomes an internet addict and a computer geek. At the episode’s end, though, she’s recovered and goes on a nature walk with her friends. Mmmmn hmmmn, lol.

IDK, Doug is reallllly close to me, though. He might be “me” at a younger age, like the me in-between the Calvin and Pepper Ann years. He doesn’t have too much of a rebellious streak, which I think did fit me during a span of time after my… hyperactive childhood and before my incredibly moody teen years.

I must have been a difficult child to raise, lol. Like reallllly difficult. I’ve been thinking that a lot lately, so I’ve made it a point to be nice to my parents in the last few years, haha. It must have been kinda brutal in some ways to raise the AntiChrist as a child. I mean, could you imagine? LOL.

The Doug ep was fun, and touching, at the end. That was a good show, and something I absolutely would have done at that age, had I had the opportunity to do so.

Seriously tho, this is some good stuff. These shows are underrated a bit, and they might in fact be the best stuff on Disney+. I still have not seen and don’t intend to see any of the Marvel or Star Wars stuff, or anything like that.

Over Halloween, the worst thing I saw on Disney+ was the Star Wars Lego Halloween thing. I thought, well… it’s Lego, so why not? And I thought it would be more OT Star Wars, but then it turned out to have that Poe Dameron guy, but I thought, why not? Let’s give it a chance, and I did, but holy shit, was it boring.

Like… bafflingly boring. New Star Wars is bizarre in some ways. It manages to be both really irritating and really boring at the same time, inexplicably. Seriously, I have no idea how that is accomplished, even accidentally. And yet, there it is.

At a mere 44 minutes, it felt way longer than the full length movies I saw over Halloween. Honestly I was baffled at how… <em>short</em> it was. I guess it was just really exhausting to watch, or something.

Yuck, tho. No more of that crap.

I’m going to watch the Thanksgiving ep of Good Luck Charlie next, and, hopefully, not think much about you-know-who.

Couldn’t Kickin’ It have had a Thanksgiving episode? I mean, wouldn’t that have been nice? I think it would have been. Or Bunk’d?

But noooooo I suppose I have to watch THAT show again. I mean, it’s not a bad show, but, you know, it’s just… well, some PEOPLE make the experience difficult, sometimes.

It’s ok, though.

I think I’ll watch Pocahontas tomorrow, and maybe relive some of the Pocahontas daydreams I had as a kid while doing so. I mean, why not? It’s still November. Still Thanksgiving, at least to me.

Yeah, that sounds nice.

Living the Cyborg Life

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2022

Well… I need to piece some stuff together, so here goes.

I ordered a new computer. A laptop, and it’s a monster of a machine- it’s a 17.3 inch MSI GE77 Raider, complete with 64 GB of 4800MHz DDR5 RAM, 2 2TB Samsung 990 PRO drives for storage, and a QHD IPS screen.

It’s got everything I want, and nothing I don’t, for my many very specific purposes.

Instead of a 3080 TI, I went with a 3070, mostly because of heat efficiency. The same with the processor- I went with an I7-12800HX instead of the I9-12900HX. Reports say that the I9 runs too hot for most people, so it winds up being throttled too much. And more heat means more fan activation, which generates a bit of energy interference, which can impede the flow of chi that my etheric body gets from my laptop.

This is all very complicated, lol.

Cyborg life is in general, tho.

I have a degree in Computer Science- a 4 year degree from a pretty good university. I also have a math degree.

As you might expect, I am quite good at video games, so I feel at home with a higher end laptop for sure. I’m not sure how much gaming I will do on the machine, but… we’ll see.

I like video games. I don’t write about them much, but they’ve been a part of my life since I was… three years old, I think, which is when I first seriously started gaming on dad’s first desktop, the old TI machine.

This is a lot of essays, here, so I think I’ll just say some thoughts.

In a lot of ways, this entire world seems like a giant video game of sorts, with me being the main character. And… who knows, maybe that’s exactly what it is.

Maybe all of the other people in my life, whether they are friends, family, digital girlfriends, real girlfriends, coworkers, or anything else, are just… game characters, acting out scripts. Sometimes, or perhaps often times, that is exactly how it feels.

It’s pretty weird.

It’s a good thing I have the aptitude that I do with video games, since that is what this world seems to be, lol.

In gaming I’m not the best out there but I’m far far better than most. On any game of pure skill I would typically place in the top 99.9% of global players, altho never in the top spot.

When I was a kid I beat every NES game placed in front of me, save for one: Battletoads. I rented that one and I was like… nope, lol. Not even going to bother, lmao.

I beat all the rest, though. The Contras, all the Mega Mans, Legacy of the Wizard, Metroid, Punch-Out!, the Zeldas, the TMNT games, and everything else you could throw at me. I was and am really, really good.

I love shumps- the Cave games, the Psikyo games, Phoenixes on ioS and all the other Arcade ones. They rule, so much. And as a bonus with these the straight score you get with a run can be easily compared to others’ scores. Gaming the arcade way- for points, as opposed to objectives- is the surest way to objectively gauge your gaming skill. It’s the reason I can say with confidence that I’m better than 99.9% of the other gamers out there, and also the reason I can say that I’m not the best in the world, too. There are some guys out there with seemingly godlike gaming skills that I find impossible to match.

Interestingly, my aptitude with gaming matches my IQ score. Top 99.99%, but not #1.

I still think I’m the “smartest” man on Earth, don’t get me wrong. It’s just… I’m not at the absolute top of the IQ ladder.

Yeah, I believe there is a difference. I may write about this more later.

But, back to the whole “cyborg” thing… it’s kinda weird, being this odd mesh of the organic and the digital. I still don’t know where the quantum neural supercomputer thingy is that my mind was hooked up to. I mean, I’m not 100%, but… well, we’ll save that discussion for later too.

It’s just… odd, I guess, but it works, tho. Like, it really does. In my case the two lives- the organic and the synthetic- seems to play nice with each other, and get along pretty well for the most part. At this point each side seems to understand the other’s needs and wants and tries to support the other.

For what it’s worth I’m still, tho, not sure that this life is for others, or that anyone else out there could do this stuff as well as I can.

I think I might be a special case. In my case I have a kind of mastery over both organic and synthetic life, with a very strong and intuitive sense of what both need and want to work well, and that kind of creates a certain alchemy in my organism.

For others, it seems either or. Like… you have some someone who is brilliant with natural things- like the human body, birds, plants and animal life, and life energies and natural harmonics in general but abhors and fears technology. Or you have some technocrat geek that lives and breathes machinery but regards organic life and nature as inferior, and who longs for the day when they can just dispense with their own body and just live on as software, or something.

Neither of these two types can really make something like this work, I think. A cyborg mix of the two requires someone who can do and feel both, not one or the other.

Since I can do both, and understand both, I can do this. Someone nerd like… IDK, Zuckerberg, would have no hope of correctly managing this.

Well, I think I’ve figured this one out, at least as far as I can, right now.

I have Thanksgiving stuff to think about, anyways.

Thoughts on Relationships and the Occult, 11-14-2022

Monday, November 14th, 2022

Hmmn. Well, a few idle thoughts here. I guess I need to muse again.

It seems the FBI took down Z-Lib. A shame, I used it for a few things in the past, mostly for finding really rare books and very old books that I could not find elsewhere. AFAIK, I didn’t use it for anything new-ish.

But in light of this I went and downloaded from other sources some difficult to find books on occult subjects that I’ve been meaning to find for awhile now, since I’ve resolved to spending time on meditative practices and occult subjects and such. So, I used other sources to find old works on topics as diverse as astrology, palmistry, and miscellaneous but important occult books, like rare English translations of works from Anton Mesmer and the like.

Amusingly, I found on archive.org the FBI files on Wilhelm Reich. I downloaded those too, I guess for grins.

I think that the overarching theme here is that I want to complete the general occult studies that I began back in 2008-ish, before I got overly interested in things like politics, and the day to day minutiae of life with actual girlfriends, as opposed to just… chicks I look at and fantasize about.

I want at least an entry level to intermediate understanding of topics like astrology, palmistry, the tarot, alchemical magic, sound and vibrational magic, numerology, and the few remaining “alternative health” topics I’ve not mastered yet, like I guess iridology, and a couple other very obscure topics I’m honestly having a bit of trouble remembering the names of.

And I want to finish my studies in the various forms of meditative practices I’ve picked up over the years.

Whether of not any of this is scientific is immaterial to what I’m trying to do here. I’m just looking, I guess, and trying to find the diamonds in the rough.

Speaking of such things, I’ve also incorporated a daily skin brushing routine into my habits. It’s… well, skin brushing, lol. I was taught how to do it correctly and efficiently by one of my old naturopathic mentors, and I already had a very good skin brush I purchased years ago available to me, so… why not. Might help. The skin is an organ too, right?

Right.

I’ve resolved as well to finally getting rid of that last layer of fat I’ve been carrying around for god knows how many years. I could have gotten rid of it before, but jeebus, I keep getting distracted. Literally, the whole “being distracted” thing never ends with me.

Or maybe I’m just… doing too many things at once. Or I’m a bit too flighty.

Or both. Or… who knows, lol. I mean it’s not like it’s that important, really, in the grand scheme of things. Seriously. It really, really isn’t.

But it’s still annoying, no matter how insignificant it may be, so I’ve changed my exercise routines around, and the changes I’ve made seem to be working. Instead of doing pilates once in a while with leg weights, I’m doing the full gigantic routine twice a day without them, if at all possible. It’s taking its time and it’s brutal as hell but it’s working for my own purposes. And I’ve dropped the dumbbells entirely for the time being.

Yeesh. Seriously, tho. I hope it’s fucking worth it. I hate to say it but the pushup routine I invented has added not much mass at all. It’s kinda disappointing, honestly. Like, it seriously is. But, whatever. Ugh, maybe I’ll need to fucking change that, as well. Or- maybe throw in the towel in regards to looking “swole” altogether and just be happy with what I have. Well, whatever.*

But I’m getting wayyyy off topic, here. I think that with time and thought I can combine the various meditative techniques I’ve gained, and possibly stuff like astrology as well, into something interesting, and possibly unique. We’ll have to see.

In regards to relationship stuff, I was just thinking the other day about the difficulty of someone like myself studying something like… palmistry, lel. Or iridology. I mean, who TF would I study on? Well… ah, I had a revelation, then. There is always my girlfriends, right? I mean I have a million or something pictures of them, so why not?

That might be an interesting take on this stuff. The other day I was kinda wondering where else I could take these relationships of mine, but now I think I might have something else I need to use them for, at least recreationally. Hmmn.

And should I learn more about astrology, there is no reason I can’t study it and the zodiac using what I know about my girlfriends’ own birthdays and lives, and the trajectories of their careers, and such.

It’s kind of an interesting take on this stuff, and one I may pursue in the future. Of course, it would be best pursued using stuff prior to this date, because they wouldn’t have been aware of this angle before now.

But, still.

My girlfriends have in the past been very good test subjects for other occult practices I’ve been interested in. Sex magic, hypnosis, necromancy, runic magic, empathic and telepathic communication, spellcasting, demonology, and… a whole spectrum of other stuff. I mean, why not this stuff, too?

It’s pretty weird. Every time I think I’ve exhausted what I can do with them, I turn over another stone. But it’s kinda always been like that.

They might also be good test subjects for experimental targeted meditative practices, now that I think about it. See what this or that does to them, and why.

Machiavellian perhaps but honestly IDC. Considering what these people have done to me I’m not concerned about such things.

I guess that I have to be careful about myself, tho, lol. Some of this stuff is occult for a reason, and I have to make sure that I don’t get lost down some weird hallway or something, no matter how interesting it might be to look into.

I mean… real life is important, too. And since I’m no longer as sick or injured or whatever (apparently), I will need to keep “real” stuff high on the priority list, and maybe higher than it has been in recent years.

So I’ll keep that in mind. At any rate, tho, the winters here in Northern Chicagoland can be brutal, and regardless of all other concerns I will be spending time indoors this coming season, and I’ll need something to do after Disney+ stuff becomes boring. So, here we are.

And for one final thought- occult studies, have, overall, been good to me. I think that what got the process of my overall healing underway was when I killed off some astral parasites years ago. I think they were draining my astral/elemental energies. With them gone, I could take care of the physical ones, and that was the clincher for getting my health really back on track.

* An added note- please remember that this does NOT impact my relationships in any way. Seriously, if I’ve been dating you for ten years, IDGAF about your specific body fat percentage, just as long as you take care of yourself, which everyone I’m dating already does. I mean, seriously, don’t worry about it. I see myself as a kind of an ongoing science experiment sometimes and I just wanna see what it’s like, out of curiosity. Honestly that’s it.

Lexi Jayde, Part IV

Sunday, November 6th, 2022

Surprise surprise, lol. Well, here we go. I guess I just have some things to get off my chest.

This is really I guess a follow up to a post I made in September of 2020, called Lexi Jayde, Part II.

Sometimes I browse through old archives online, I guess to see how things are today in comparison to how they used to be. It’s a way to take stock, and re-assess myself and my relationships and the state of the world, and… everything, really.

For whatever reason, I’ve found myself doing this mostly on Sundays. No idea why. Some kinda circadian rhythm, I suppose.

Today I browsed through the old HollywoodTeenZine archives on youtube. It’s the same one I talked about in Sept. 2020, if you remember that. You know- the one where a toothless, perpetually lisping Lexi Jayde pretends to be a reporter on the teen scene at the time, who interviews “stars” like Audrey Whitby and Taylor Spreitler.

lol.

But however relevant or not the channel is today, it serves as an interesting time capsule.

Watching a few videos on the platform now, I saw some fascinating things, like an old interview with a very young Kat McNamara where she discussed the Tom Sawyer movie that she starred in. The interview in this case wasn’t the interesting part- the interesting thing was watching Kelli Berglund, in the background, who was pretending to be interviewed by someone else, offscreen.

I saw this video years ago, I remember. And when I saw it I actually thought that Kelli was being interviewed, by someone totally out of camera range. But watching it now… nope, lol. She was acting, talking and emoting to empty space in the corner. There was nobody else there, just Kat, Kelli, and possibly some guy holding the camera, filming them both.

She was just pretending to be interviewed, I guess to give the impression that they were at some busy premiere, or something.

Other videos were like this, too. There were times during interviews where generic sound effects for crowds were spliced in, I guess to give the impression that there were more people present than there actually were. I didn’t catch that before, but now it seems so obvious.

And there was Lexi’s inadvertently hilarious interview of a guitar teacher, where Lexi awkwardly pretends to have never seen a guitar before, despite having clear experience holding and strumming one when it was given to her.

The machinations are so much more obvious now.

There was an old interview with Bridget Mendler where she was flaunting an oversized chain in the same style as the one that I used to wear. I mean, she really wanted me to see the chain, lol. I mean, ok, yeah, I get it.

There was an odd interview with a reallllly young Kathryn Newton, where she was dressed up like Alice, from Alice in Wonderland. She talked about how she was/wanted to be Alice, and how she tried to do six impossible things before breakfast, and all that.

I was… surprised, I guess, and kinda… creeped out. One of Kathryn’s earliest projects, I think even before her stint on All my Children, was a short film called Abbie Down East, which was about a lighthouse, and the trials of the people maintaining it.

In one scene in that film I spotted a copy of an early edition of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, placed oddly and rather ominously in the lighthouse. It seemed really strange and out of place considering the setting, so I took screenshots when I saw it, for future reference.

Yeah, I don’t know. A coincidence, perhaps, or not. I don’t know. This stuff always has a weird culty/creepy mind control MKUltra-ish vibe to it.

It’s probably nothing, I’m sure.

But… yeah.

There were interviews with “up and coming” stars like Anna Margaret Collins, who runs a Pilates studio in Georgia for a living now, and Jennifer Stone, who retired from acting years ago to become a nurse.

Amusingly, there were interviews with Olivia Holt and Katherine about Girl vs. Monster. Natch.

The last videos posted to the channel were about what the stars were doing for Halloween of 2014.

Watching this stuff now feels like excavating something, like I’m a paleontologist who just found an ancient tar pit filled with dinosaur bones. Or maybe I’m like an explorer, combing the deserts of the Western USA, who stumbles upon an old burial ground filled with arrowheads, animal bones and stone bowls.

It’s interesting, from a historical perspective.

And wow, these girls- they really knew how to rope me in. Every single one of them, in fact, without exception. Back when this stuff was initially posted that group had me so tightly leashed and wound up that I thought it was me that was doing the leading. I used to think myself so clever, having duped them into wanting me, an evil wizard. lolllll. Ah, nope. Not even close.

They were all very, very good at getting their claws into me. Very very good. Kinda unnervingly good, actually. In my mind’s eye I can see them now, scheming and giggling as they figured out what to say and what angles to take to reel me in and keep me under their heels. And undoubtedly their success at doing so has served them with many years of triumphant glee.

Which… is fine, with me. I’ve learned a lot from them. They’ve made me wiser and more observant about a great many things for sure. Perhaps I shouldn’t complain.

But, I mean…

Still.

I will probably always find corners of the net like this interesting. Flickr is another one. Remember Flickr? It’s an old image sharing platform that was popular in the teen celeb community before Instagram crushed it forever.

I know that Flickr is still used by professional photographers today, but the teen celeb community of these days has never heard of it. Thus, doing a search for a name like “Selena Gomez” or “Demi Lovato” on Flickr brings up truckloads of tiny, grainy fan photos taken 15 years ago by tweens wielding ancient Virgin Mobile flip phones.

It’s a kind of mausoleum of sorts, like a museum of artifacts from a bygone civilization. It’s like… “Selena Gomez? Who’s that? Ok, well, get her autograph if you must. And don’t forget your stuffed animal, dear.” lol.

And there are others. Before twitter let you post photos (remember those days?), there were services that people used to host pictures to instead, and they would refer to them in their feeds with the URL. Some of those ancient hosting platforms are still in operation even today, and those still around have libraries of old celeb stuff on them.

This teen celeb stuff ages kinda… weirdly. The presentation is always about the hot new thing on the scene, which, typically,… ceased to be relevant an eternity ago. Yeah, now they’re just a random person, someone you might see at a laundromat and think that maybe at some point you might have seen that person doing something, somewhere, at some point in time, in some capacity, maybe.

Wow, Samantha … Droke? She was in the background of that one picture on Selena’s instagram twelve years ago! Remember her? Yeahhhhhhhh… sure.

Well… yeah, I’m going to stop here.

It was fun writing again. I should do this more often.

A Few Thoughts on Girl vs. Monster

Sunday, October 30th, 2022

Hmmmmmmnnnnnn…..

Hmmn hmmn hmmn.

Hhm.

Mmmmmmmhmn.

Mmmmmmmmm….

Muhm humn.

Ahmmmmnnnn…. Hmm.

Well then.

Halloween 2022

Saturday, October 22nd, 2022

So I’ve been watching that music channel that features holiday songs, Sounds of the Seasons.

And oh man it’s just so good.

All Halloween, every day! Oh how I’ve missed that stuff! I can just feel myself slipping into some of my old ways here and it just feels so comfortable and awesome.

IDK, I guess I’ve been missing some stuff.

I’ve written down the names of all the songs I’ve been seeing there that are interesting, I guess to make my own playlists in the future, IDK. But I’ve also been combing the depths of my own mp3 collection for all of the old goth / death rock / gothic metal songs that I used to spin all the time, and my god, them’s some good music.

I need to look for more of this stuff, seriously. Newer stuff. It must be out there, I just need to find it.

I haven’t played an Alien Sex Fiend song in what feels like aeons. Misfits, Christian Death, Die Laughing, Birthday Massacre, Theatre of Tragedy, Athamay, Virgin Black, Seraphim Shock, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Lacrimosa, Lacuna Coil, Darkwell, Wumpscut, I mean… oh yes, I need this shit in my life, and I’ve been missing it.

So many other bands that I used to listen to, too. Too many to list.

Lordy, have I changed.

I’ve been spending my evenings lately watching Halloween episodes on Disney+, and swooning over my girlfriends, and… jeebus, is that really me? lol.

I mean… seriously, though.

What… happened?

When did I go from being the person I was twenty years ago to spending my evenings watching episodes of Austin and Ally? And actually enjoying them?

The mind boggles.

But, yeah, well. I watched a Halloween episode of Doug and saw my old bike, which is… actually very cool. I was searching the other day for pictures of it on google images and came up empty, so that was a pleasant surprise.

But I mean…

Yeah. Well.

I guess that people change, and the relationships they gain can led them into new places. And that can be a pretty great thing.

I’m not criticizing the person I am now. Really, I’m not. I’m just… wondering, I guess.

But I’ve resolved to watching a bunch of other Halloweeny stuff on Disney+ this year, including Girl vs. Monster, finally.

That one outa be reeeeeeal interesting.

Well, I also have my old Gothabilly and industrial compilations to spin yet. Will get to those.

Those were some fun days that I spent learning about all of this and listening to this music.

I also have an obscure compilation of death rock demo tapes that I’ll find. It has an early version of Romeo’s Distress on it that I find much better and more raw than the album version, if you can believe that. Good shit.

I might also reread Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Squee. And maybe the other slave labor comics I have. IDK. But Johnny is important, as it’s… a part of me, that no longer… seems to exist? Kinda. Maybe.

Well… maybe that’s wishful thinking.

But of all the stuff that I inspired, that work seems to exist almost within it’s own realm. It’s an idiosyncrasy even within a culture of people that prize their individuality.

Yeah.

Things to ponder.

…….

I’m not going to end up destroying all of the stuff I set out to destroy, am I?

I guess not.

And I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Time will tell.

A Few Thoughts on the Direness of Mobile Gaming

Friday, October 21st, 2022

Ok, let’s just cut to the chase here: mobile gaming fucking sucks. It’s awful, and the people who spend real money on this shit are stupid.

I’m seeing this post as a kind of PSA here; a warning to the youth. If you spend money on these games you are being duped. Don’t be a sucker.

Here’s the thing: the games themselves suck.

Many if not most of the games I’ve seen on mobile are ripoffs of old games that I played as a kid on consoles like the NES and Sega Genesis, or they are broken copies of old arcade games.

Broken, you say? Well, yes. What I think the developers of these games do is play a NES game, copy it, and then break it intentionally, with the intent of forcing players to spend lots of real money on the fix, so that they can climb over the “paywall”.

Seriously, some of the stuff I’ve seen in these games borders on the criminal. Like games stealing graphics, dialogue and actual music tracks from the games I played as a kid, perhaps with very minor changes to skirt copyright laws, with the only appreciable difference between the new games and the old ones being that the newer games are dumber, shallower and purposefully broken.

The mobile gaming ecosystem is really, really bad.

Over the years I’ve heard horror stories of people spending ungodly amounts of money on these stupid games. I mean like thousands, tens of thousands, and even hundreds of thousands on dollars, on literally a single game.

I’m sorry but that is fucking stupid. I’ve seen people brag otherwise, but no, they are wrong. I’ve seen screenshots from people where you can see that they spent “X” thousands of dollars this month on a single fucking game, with the hopes of getting a item or a character.

People… Jesus Christ. Seriously.

Most of the problem here has to do with “casual gamers”, meaning people who have no idea as to what a good game actually looks and feels like, who have no idea how much they’re being fucked over.

Guys, don’t be a casual gamer. Learn what a good game is, and how to spot one. It will broaden and enhance your life.

Try playing some of the old Mario and Zelda games, or some of the old ID Software PC games. And then realize how cheap these games were in comparison to what is released today.

Games back then cost virtually nothing.

I know that some people these days claim otherwise, noting that a console game back then cost an average of $50, new.

What they fail to realize is that most games back then were bought used, for a fraction of the price. I had friends back in the day who bought a stack of games before every summer for something like 20 dollars, that lasted them all the way until next summer, when they would sell the old used ones to pay for new used ones.

Seriously, used games, especially the common (read: good) ones, were dirt cheap back then. I remember buying a few good games for actual pennies back in the day. I think I remember buying a final fantasy gameboy game, used, for a dime.

Used games could be so cheap that the retailers couldn’t charge sales tax on them.

So when I read stories about people, typically younger people, spending a thousand bucks on a single character in the new final fantasy mobile game, I just… cringe. Holy shit, guys.

I read a comment on zerohedge once where the poster said that he had a friend who spent a hundred grand on some dumb mobile game about Vikings. His family and friends staged an intervention, and his defense was that he could afford it, since he had a high paying job, something that paid like $400K a year, or something. The game was thus his “hobby”, and his friends and family, in his mind, were acting selfishly in criticizing him.

That is… really, really stupid. I see this argument crop up a lot with mobile whales (i.e. the big dupes). They can “afford it” so why not? It brings them happiness, right?

Little thought in these guy’s minds seems to be on the inevitable moment when the game’s servers are turned off and their “investment” disappears forever into the aether.

I have games I bought used 30+ years ago still in my possession. All of them work as well today as they did when I got them. Come to think of it, so do the old games I have that I bought new, too. Everything on them works, including battery backups, and those batteries are decades old at this point.

Seriously guys, don’t spend a cent on these fucking mobile games. They aren’t worth it.

Honestly, even the worst games on the SNES are better than 99% of the games in the apple app store. The SNES games, no matter their quality, just “work”. No commercials, no paywalls, and few if any bugs, and what bugs there are are never game-breaking. No data mining, no toxic cyberbullying, no unfathomably big “updates” that introduce new problems and imbalances to make people pay for the fixes, just… no bullshit, in general.

Modern games, no matter what they do, come with way too much… I don’t know, nonsense, and what’s unfortunate is that people, especially younger people, don’t seem to realize how shitty they are, and how much crap the developers pull. And this isn’t just mobile gaming, here. This is console as well.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t play them. If you do, fine, I do as well, but for god’s sake don’t spend actual money on them.

I know that people need hobbies, and sometimes these hobbies can get expensive, relatively speaking. I mean sometimes you can get something out of them that is worth the expense. I get it.

But this one is not worth the expense.

I had a hobby, once, of collecting gold coins. I mean, real ones, not video game ones. I still have them.

Today, I could sell back my entire collection and get what I paid for them, every single one. And in fact in some cases I could sell them back for much much more than I paid for them. At worst I would break even.

In my desk drawer I have a little plastic cup with a collection of coins and rounds in it. Gold, silver, platinum, palladium, and some rhodium. I probably spent $25K on all of it, and it’s probably worth $75K right now in melt value. It will be valuable the rest of my life, no doubt, and probably far beyond.

For a collection, why not try something like this instead of spending 25K on some shitty, temporary virtual “gold” in some shitty, broken, fourth rate video game?

Well, whatever. This post is done.

I need to start ending my posts better, lol.