Sighinide

has finally moved beyond the “shocked” stage. You know, that phase where the celeb spams selfies that show a glazed, confused, detached look in her eyes. You know the kind I mean. Kira posted a lot of those back in the day, especially after I tweeted something.

So Kira’s moved beyond that. She’s having fun now. Her bikini pics over the weekend were carefree and just the addition I was looking for.

Goooooood. Gooooood. *Rubs hands and smiles evilly*.

So- we’re getting there, then. Not too much longer.

I will admit that getting to this point with her took a bit longer than I expected. Her natural spunkiness did slow my influence a bit, I think.

Kira’s next level might just be the Emma Stone-Watson-Roberts/Taylor Swift-Momsen/Jennifer Lawrence/Kristen Stewart/Bella Thorne/Elle Fanning level of alteration- the level of complete detachment, entracement, reformation and psychic reconstruction. You know, the point in which the girl’s brain and chakra system is altered, upgraded and enhanced in a physical and permanent way. The point where the girl gets a permanent +15 IQ points- …with a few attendant consequences, of course.

Kira knows that my way is important, and might just be the best way, but she hasn’t, yet, understood that my way is actually the only way. Yet. But she’s getting there.

Much of this depends on how much Kira wants professional success in the entertainment industry.

Give it a few years. Let’s see what she does.

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is playing Dazzler? Seriously? For real? Wow.

Ok. Wow. Why is it that ALL of my fantasies are coming true?

Hahahahahaha!

………..

No, but seriously, why?

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1) I haven’t heard most of his music, like almost everyone else, though what I’ve heard I’ve liked, like almost everyone else.

2) He had a lot of talent.

3) It’s probably in bad taste to release his unreleased music posthumously. He didn’t release that music for a reason- is it because he didn’t want it released? Personally, I have always disliked posthumous music releases. They seem exploitive to me.

4) Why is it that lady killer types seem to always have obvious- and often very public- feminine sides? It’s weird. I’m thinking now of Bowie, Prince, me, the whole “glam rock” scene, the metrosexual models of the early oughts, etc. It’s kinda illogical, isn’t it? Yet, there it is.

5) I wish that black American musicians had stuck to their roots and not sold out to whites as much as they did. Prince, to me, seemed so much more authentic than the pop musicians that fill the ranks of “rap music” who make white music for white peoples’ benefit.

6) Prince was more talented, overall, than Michael Jackson. Thriller was primarily a producers’ album.

7) Prince had a lot of style. You can tell that he was a master of his craft because was popular, yet unique- he was his own genre. Usually, artists that sell tens of millions of albums have their style copied endlessly by others for profit reasons. Yet, almost nobody copied his- perhaps because others thought they would look bad in comparison.

8) Hmmm… something negative. He should have done something to prevent the selling out of Black America. Once whites moved into black neighborhoods and forced crack and “gangsta rap” on them, blacks were finished. Prince, and others, like Jackson, should have stood up and demanded that whites not do this. It is because they didn’t that the black race in the US has been so defeated, humiliated and destroyed.

9) I need to think of something else that’s negative. Mmmmm… let me think. I didn’t like his stance on mp3’s.

10) Last thing- the reason that everyone is upset now is because the pop musicians of today can’t remotely compare to him, talent-wise. They just can’t. If Prince had had a worthy successor- especially a black one- people wouldn’t be so distraught. But, he doesn’t. So of course people are upset. They’re looking at the past now because the future of pop radio looks so barren. We have Taylor, of course, and she’s talented, but she’s no Prince, and the same can be said of every pop star I can think of that has emerged in the past 15 years.

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This week, I took the plunge.

I’ve been holding off now, procrastinating, for over 10 years. Because I wasn’t ready. Because… I don’t know. Because I wasn’t interested, even though I was.

It’s complicated.

This week, I started reading Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series.

I started reading it because 1) I feel ready to read again about vampires, 2) I was curious to see what all the hubbub was about, way back then, and 3) to see when, exactly, all of… this started.

By which I mean me. The vampire.

When did this start? When did I become known to Hollywood and novelists and everyone else? I don’t know, but I think that Stephanie Meyer can tell me.

I can think of several scenarios vis-a-vis me and Twilight:

1) I have nothing at all to do with Twilight on any level, not even coincidentally.
2) The characters of Edward (and Bella, perhaps) and I have some coincidental similarities. Meaning that I had no influence at all on Meyer when she wrote the books.
3) Meyer created Twilight under my influence without her knowing.
4) Meyer intentionally based Twilight on me. Meaning that I’m “Edward Cullen” in the same way that I’m “Christian Grey”.

I have long believed that Twilight had nothing to do with me, at all, since it was published in 2005, and I don’t think I was influencing things in a major way back then.

But… I’m curious, on so many levels. I need to know, about everything. About the books themselves and about who I am as a person and what I’ve been doing all of these years.

So- I started reading the first book, here and there. I read a chapter, process it, think about it, and then return. I’m up to chapter 11, Complications.

My initial reaction?

My own past has interesting parallels with Bella Swan and Edward, but I’m not sure of what to think yet. I’ll need to read more.

In regards to Edward… my fantasy vampire personality and his own are a perfect match. I mean, they are identical, and he has many of my other habits, as well. Like the driving thing- he speeds constantly and excessively, but is able to use his psychic abilities to easily detect and avoid problems on the road. I used to drive in the same way. And of course his eyes do the exact same thing as mine do in real life. And he talks like I do, in public. And others seem to regard him in the same way that they do me (the people who don’t know I’m a vampire, I mean).

What I don’t have in common with him is his uber-muscular physique, of course, and his love of hunting.

And of course the whole blood drinking thing, and the vampire family thing.

But… when you compare Edward to the fantasy me of ten years ago, there are very, very strong similarities between us. Very very strong. Uncomfortably strong. I’m not sure of what to think.

Is Edward my fantasy vampire person, circa 2005, used in a book? I don’t know. He easily could be. Or- maybe he’s just a vampire, and that’s how fictional (and real, apparently) vampires are.

Now, let’s talk Bella Swan.

Her personality is a very strong match to my real life personality of around 2005. And I say that with an understanding that her character has been criticized as a “blank slate” type character that was designed specifically so that everyone who reads the books would identify with her.

I’m not sure of what to think about that, either.

Like Edward and I, Bella and I have so much in common, down to the odd details, for me to be comfortable. I mean, details like her mom’s personality quirks and appearance (like her hair cut, even), which so closely matches my own. And her dad, Charlie, who so very closely mimics mine in personality.

Bella acts so much like the me of 10 years ago that I’m actually wincing with familiarity while reading the book. And I’m doing it often.

Do others do that, though? Bella is supposed to be an every-person- someone that everyone can see the action through. So, maybe there’s nothing there for me to be concerned about.

And, there are differences. Her bad coordination. Her cooking talents. Her lack of technical knowledge. Her parent’s marital troubles. Her girlfriends. I had none of those, back then.

But… I don’t know. Her personality is just SO MUCH like the me of when the book was published. I don’t know.

And… she’s a girl, of course. I imagine that it is extremely rare for an adult male, aged 25, to have a carbon copy of Bella Swan’s personality. Was I unique, for some reason, in that aspect?

We’ll see. I’ll read more. The Volturi interest me for obvious reasons.

After Twilight, I’ll read the Hunger Games books.

I need to know who I am, and how much influence I’ve had over this world.

I must know.

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Not really ready, yet. Not today. Not for a little bit.

It’s the same as everything else.

I need some time to do some things, on my own. I need to figure some things out, still.

I will. Just give it time.

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Ok, OK, OKAY. Fine.

You know, sometimes things bug me. The machinations, I mean.

People, I’m not a machine. Everyone seems to think that if you push the same buttons and you pull the same levers, and you do the same things and post the same things on Instagram, and say the same things in public, and wear the same things on the beach, and walk the same way in front of the paps, that… that it’ll work out, and you’ll get what you want.

So… sometimes, I rebel. Sometimes I DON’T give people what they want, because… I’m NOT a machine. Because I’m not predictable. Because I’m not so… understood.

THAT’S why I stayed away. There’s nothing wrong with Ariel. She did do everything “correct” and had everything going for her- she was under 18, on a TV show, has a popular Instagram, etc… but- no. You don’t control me, Ariel. I do things on my own schedule, not yours. So take THAT.

See, you THINK you understand me. You all do. But you don’t. At least, not usually. Or maybe sometimes.

Now she’s 18, so NOW I’ll go back to Ariel. I’ll start things with her when it’s least expected of me. So there! See- just because you read the script and follow the formula, doesn’t mean that you get guaranteed anything. Especially not with me. Because I plot my own plan and take my own road. Because I go where I please, and not where I’m supposed to.

So… I’ll go back to Ariel now. I’ve made my point.

So there!

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I haven’t been feeling well. It’s not a disease, per say. It’s die off symptoms. Google this if you need.

I’m making what I believe is the final purge of all the crap in my system. At least, I HOPE this is the final purge. I’d hate to have to go through this again, cause I feel really, really bad. Like really bad.

So… I’ve been sick. Really, really sick. Really. So until I get over the detox reactions, I’ll need to continue to keep things at a distance vis-a-vis telepathy. I mean, nobody wants to be in a sick person, right?

Oy. It might be until the end of this weekend before I can go back to “normal”. It might even be until the middle of next week, or something crazy like that. I mean, I feel REALLY bad. Really.

And I have a special project I’ve been working on- a project that is taking all of my free time and telepathic energies, anyways. I’ve been developing… diplomatic powers. Yeah. Diplomatic powers. Odd for a vampire, I know but… I’ll need them, in case my cipher actually does make it to the WH somehow.

See, I can’t be in RAGEHATEKILLBURNTHATSHITDOWNFUCKYEAH mode after Trump wins the election. That would only cause more problems, and we all know that that isn’t really me. I can pretend to be that guy for awhile, but… I’m ultimately a problem solver, not a problem causer.

So- it’s vital that I develop a raft of diplomatic and growth oriented powers. I mean, just in case. I’m actually using said powers as I write this post. Is it… working? Can we work together?

IDK. This seems a bit not subtle or convincing enough, yet, but that’s okay. I have until November to get all of this worked out.

Well… back to bed.

*YAWN*…

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has an instagram now? A fucking INSTAGRAM?!??!?!?!?!

HOOOOOOLLLYYYY FUCK!!!!

I swear to God that I would push Elle out of the way so fast to see that that her head would spin!!!! Hahahahaha!!!

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Dakota put this out as Elle was nearing her 18th. Jealous much, Dakota? And thank God she is! WOOOOO

Sibling rivalries are the best!!!! LOL

Oh Dakota, you know we were meant to be, love. Just open your arms to the Wizard King and let me do the rest!

WOOOOOOO

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Ah, now THIS is interesting. After reading today’s Daily Mail, it seems that Hayley Williams got married recently.

Well… OK. Good for her, I guess.

Truthfully, I’d forgotten about her until very recently. It was only after I started rewatching Swifty’s videos that I remembered her. She’s in “Bad Blood”, of course.

Honestly, I don’t feel much, good or bad, about the news. Yikes. It’s really been a long, long time since I’ve seen her in something non-Taylor related. Like over a year now at least. Wow. I seem to remember seeing her last around Christmas of 2014, or something. Yikes. Has it been that long?

Hmmm… what should I feel now? Happiness? Relief? Anger? Sadness? Indifference? Nothing at all? I’m not sure.

I guess… that I should feel indifference. I guess. This is still uncharted territory, a little bit.

I mean, I don’t know her, right? Even though I guess I do. Well… we both knew each other, to an extent.

Looking back, it seems like we thought we knew each other better than we really did. Sometimes, and most especially at the end of our relationship, she seemed to think I was someone I wasn’t, and she got the same from me, although that was mostly in the beginning of things, I think.

I think.

From my perspective, it seems as though she didn’t grasp how important the whole “conservative” thing was to me, and she didn’t understand my evolving mentality as the years went on. When we started seeing each other, I was still amazed at the whole telepathy thing and was mostly content to just spend time with her, watching her videos and listening to her music (and fantasizing about her, of course). But as the years went on, and as we both settled in to our routines, my perspective changed and it became more along the lines of what else I could get out of this for myself, which is, I think, how it should have rightly progressed. After all, that’s how all proper relationships develop… I mean- how can we arrange things so that we both profit in a real way, somehow?

What she got out of it was obvious- she got companionship on the road and artistic inspiration. But it was kind of hard for me to see what I could get out of things with her, beyond the basic carnal stuff. After trying and failing to reach out to Taylor directly, I tried offering her and others some of my political and religious ideas, to see if they could offer some help there, but they never much looked into those, beyond what they themselves could get out of them.

So then I started using Hayley, et al. as guinea pigs. I tried a multitude of things on them, with the intent on figuring out what would be of benefit to myself. Which worked very well, IMHO.

But now, that’s kind of over. I’ve learned almost everything they can teach me, I think. So… now what do I do with her?

IDK.

On my part, I didn’t much understand, at least early on, how she viewed me. I think she thought of me as being more distant from her than I thought I was. In retrospect, I don’t think she ever really viewed me as being, say, her boyfriend, or perhaps even as her best friend. I was a very close friend, sure, absolutely, but I don’t think I was ever more than that- which I understand and appreciate. I mean, she didn’t really know me, did she? I mean, she had no idea if I would even stick around, maybe. And even now, this stuff is weird and kind of tough to understand in general sometimes.

And… I thought that she wanted to grow herself and her career differently than what she really wanted, ultimately. Interestingly, I thought she wanted to become the person that Taylor actually did become. Back when I first met Hayley (I think it was in 2008), I thought of Tay as being a Super- Christian country singer with no interest in being an idealized pop culture puppet for an evil wizard. In my youthful naiveté, I thought that Hayley, as a rebellious yet pop oriented alt-rock singer, would be best suited for that role.

So, I got them mixed up. It’s funny how it works out sometimes.

Well, that’s that, at least for now. At the moment, the question between Hayley and me is what will happen not telepathically, but IRL. As I said, my experiments are finished, and I know what powers to use on myself now to make myself successful. So the question becomes, perhaps- if I use my powers IRL to join up with someone close to her, i.e. Taylor, what happens to the two of us then?

I don’t know, but Hayley, if you’re reading this, you need to consider this as a possibility. In almost all ways I’m much, much stronger and more capable now than I’ve ever been. If I choose to snag Taylor for myself… I can get her. It might even be easy. But I still haven’t decided to fully commit to that yet.

Taylor… are you reading this? There is something you should know.

Do you remember when you cancelled Loft 89 at the concert I went to? That wasn’t because of you. It was because of me. It was because I thought that perhaps I wanted to meet you that night so… I cancelled it.

And I think, Taylor, that I saw your dad there standing alone, after the concert. I think it was him. I don’t know if it was really him because I declined to talk to him when I could’ve because… I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. I mean, he looked kinda like him, and he had a VIP / security thing on his neck, and I thought that that probably was him but… I didn’t want to know. I wasn’t ready to ask.

But now I am. Today, I would be more than ready. If I wanted to be.

Things are different now.

Hayley, goodbye and good luck.

I may see you later.

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Taylor Swift is at turns a fascinating and maddening person.

Last week, after she won all the Grammys, I nearly posted this on Twitter:

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So… last night, she won everything. Just like I wanted her to. Because I love her too much. I can’t… STOP. I mean, I just CAN’T.

I’m ruining everything, aren’t I? I’m putting Trump in the White House, I’m letting Tay win everything, ever…

I’m not being impartial anymore. I’m playing favorites. I’m so sorry, but Taylor may never leave the #1 spot. Literally.

I could do that, I mean, keep her there forever… and I WANT to do that… and I MIGHT do that… but IDK.

Deep down, I know that that might not be good, but I can’t help it. I NEVER should have seen her in concert that first time.

I mean, the tickets were free but… AUGGGGGHHHHHH. I hope not, but everyone should prepare for her to never leave the #1 spot.

Like ever. Never ever.

*sigh*…

—————————————————–

This didn’t mean much. It was just one of my little nervous… things, that I typed out and didn’t post.

I thought a bit after this. Why was I so concerned that night?

Isn’t this what I wanted? My girlfriend sweeps the Grammys again, I’m putting a far right conservative in the White House, and… everything is as I want it, at least on paper. So why the breakdown?

It’s a good question. Well, there are a few things to consider, here. My real life isn’t doing too well, and Tay is, as always, leaving me out of her little adventures. And, of course, I can be histrionic sometimes, even when things are going well.

But mostly… it’s because of other things.

I haven’t blogged much lately for a few very important reasons. First, there’s ISIS, a terrorist organization very obviously inspired by me. I’ve been watching them closely and I see me in them, and far too much so for me to be comfortable. I don’t like it when the things I say and think are used to attack myself and my way of life. That upsets me enormously.

It has upset me so much, in fact, that I’ve almost stopped blogging altogether. It’s just such an offense to me that I can’t even stand it. I cannot believe that I’m the inspiration for “Islamic” radicalism. I can’t believe it because I don’t want to believe it. It’s a perversion of everything I hold dear- politically, culturally, and even religiously.

To lay out the obvious, I’m a Satanist, and it offends me enormously to see what I believe in distorted and twisted and used against me in the way that the creators of ISIS did. The masterminds behind ISIS- not Muslims, any of them- have done sacrilege to my most tightly held beliefs, and it really, really offends me. I hate it.

And ISIS is bringing up the even more disturbing thought that I may be the inspiration behind Al-Qaeda as well. This might be a stretch, I hope, since they came on the scene so long ago, but it’s a possibility. Since ISIS is based on me, what about Al-Qaeda and the 9-11 “hijackers”? I was a college student, too, at that time, and my line of thinking mirrored theirs back then very closely in some ways. Did they base “9-11” on me, too?

I hope not. I really hope not. If they did it would be too horrible for me to even process.

How can they do that to me? Those monsters! I mean, not ISIS, they’re just a bunch of actors, but the oligarchs here, and the Zionists, and the EU. They’ve twisted my words and thoughts into something that attacks everything that I cherish the most, and it just feels so violating that I can’t even stand it, and at times I’ve felt like I just wanted to chuck all of this stuff overboard because what they use my ideas and words for is just so offensive and overall horrible that it’s been literally incomprehensible to me at times.

If you doubt any of what I’m saying here, just look. Look at any of the prominent ISIS figures, such as “Jihadi John”. Look at any of their propaganda videos. Look at any of the “execution” videos. It’s all me. ALL OF IT. They’re using my own life and my religion against me!

Fuckers.

But… all’s well that ends well.

The foolishness that is ISIS is sealing the doom of it’s backers. Europe is turning.

The times are changing, now, for the better. Old fires are being relit.

See… in a small way… in a slight way… ISIS is good for me. In a way, they’re doing my dirty work for me. Kinda.

What I wanted, years ago, when I started my Twitter war, was to bring about a sea change in Europe’s thought. I wanted to racially inflame them- to start a fire underneath them, so that they would take up arms to defend themselves against the Zionist bankers and the browning of their continent.

Why Europe? It’s part of the plan, see. I mean, the overall plan, that I won’t tell you.

And ISIS is doing what I need for me. What its backers wanted it to get it isn’t getting. It’s backfiring.

I’m going to get what *I*want out of this. I’m going to get a resurgent European right, and with that, one of my life’s ultimate goals will be completed.

*Whew*.

And secondly… I’ve been doing some experimenting. Not on others, this time, but on myself. I’ve been experimenting with ways to improve my own set of circumstances.

This is another reason why I’ve been staying away from Hollywood, and blogging, for the past few months. I’ve been keeping my contact with these things at a minimum while I worked on projects designed to improve my own position in things in the “real” (i.e. non-psychic) world. And I think I’ve done it.

My projects and experiments are complete. I have things set up correctly now.

Now… I feel as though I could step out in the real world (i.e. not my parents’ basement) and do things correctly. If I wanted, I could snag a Hollywood girl for myself, easily. Or not. It depends on what I want and need.

Good.

And thirdly… Tay upsets me in general, like this weekend, when she got to live out ”Seeing Pink” for real and didn’t invite me, as usual. I almost broke up with her last night, until I saw the pics of her leaving the Vogue offices with that hair and those pants.

I guess she loves me after all.

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