Sighinide

Hmmmnn… lol. It’s I guess apropos that I just cried my eyes out. Thought about putting this in the below…

“You were an incredible, beautiful, wonderful woman. It’s not for nothing that you were awarded ‘Girl of the Day’ in a bit of-tongue-in-cheek understatement in this very blog. Not famous? Don’t care. Not important to when it comes to someone like you, even to someone like me.”

I like that quote as I think it summarizes so much of our love, so I will put it in here. I… need to make the memory of what we had count, even just for me. But, I’m tired.

Oh man, lol.

Life is a tragedy into itself. Hollywood is unnecessary, considering the lives we live.

Maybe that’s the key to it all.

Perhaps the magic of the silver screen, of song, of dance and image, isn’t that it conjures up drama, but that it hides it. It clouds the real- the real struggle, the real loss, with fairy tale and happy endings and safe and predictable conclusions that free us from the real… the actually dramatic. From life.

Ah… but… that’s not a thought for now.

Goodbye Cady.

I will always remember, and treasure, every little thing. Maybe when I croak I’ll bury myself with a little flash drive containing some not-so-little memories of us and the times we spent together and a sample of what we created together. You know, just the little part that landed online, this blog included. LOL.

But I’m smiling now, though.

One last time…

Bye, Cady.

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I just wanted to clarify that I know she didn’t kill herself, I mean not really, alcoholism is a disease, and alcohol poisoning is a condition. So, I know. Don’t jump on me. I mean, I had an epic cry just now and I’m realizing that, so… good.

But… it’s just…

Cady…

Please.

Please…

I’m so sorry.

Cady. I’m so, so…

so…

sorry.

Goodbye. I hope where you are now is a place where you are free from everything that anchored you down to this, this awful unfulfilling world. I hope you have finally found the peace and joy you pretended(?) to have had in those youtube videos so long ago, when we were so strong together. I hope you are happy. I hope you have what you need now, and have forgotten the bad things, if not everything at all, about this place.

I’m so sorry.

Goodbye love. Rest in piece. I will join you one day, and in fact I look forward to it, as I guess we should all do about such an inevitability.

Goodbye Cady.

I love you and always will.

Goodbye.

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Cady Groves is dead.

She died of ”complications from chronic ethanol abuse”. In other words… she killed herself. Like her brother and her sister.

This was back in May, although the cause didn’t come out officially until a few weeks ago.

Thank God I didn’t know about any of this back then.

Selfish, yeah, but… wow. God, ouch. Oof. Of all the endings to my… relationships, this one is the worst. By far.

I wrote a few times about Cady, hoping to help us both. I remember wayyyyy back….. then. Like 2014, when she was… my favorite. I LOVED her. LOVED. Sometimes I get like that with my girlfriends. I lose reason, perhaps because I have to. For the sake of her, or me.

Or in some some extreme cases, like the one between Cady and I, for us both.

Look… I knew she was hurting. It was obvious, and it was part of the reason why I was so protective of her. I wrote about celebs mostly, back then. But Cady wasn’t famous, not even close, really, but I still wrote about her. I wanted to help her, to protect her. To assuage her ego. I knew she was disappointed in things, in life, in many ways, and I knew that she was at risk if things didn’t turn out. At the time I knew her family history, and of her siblings’ suicides, and in fact I mentioned all of this in this post, here.

Please read again, if you want. Very bittersweet, that one is. Too much so; it stings.

Ouch.

Oh, Cady.

Why?

I didn’t know it was that bad. I’m sorry, Cady. There, I said it finally. I’m sorry.

Sigh…

We had a complicated relationship. I needed her back then; she was one of my few non-famous girls in the industry. And because of that, she didn’t have the walls of others; there was no glitz coming in-between us. It was very personal, very direct. She tailored her twitter and her insta directly to me, and I responded in kind. I was more honest with her than my other girls, and I lavished attention on her.

I still have my archives of her songs- I leeched her entire soundcloud and youtube channels back then. Hundreds of youtube vids, and I watched every one of them and still have them all; dozens of original songs, and they still hold a place of honor in my “pop” directory. I downloaded her entire instagram, including every caption to every one of her pictures. She put so much effort into making me happy that it touched me. It meant something to me, so much so, much more than perhaps anything given to me by any girl has ever meant to me.

I loved her. A lot. And she loved me. A lot. It was like… we filled each other’s emptiness.

I still have the pages and pages I saved from her twitter feed of the often hilarious and always poignant status updates on our relationship she would give me. She was so… funny. And kind. And BEAUTIFUL. I remember a prank she pulled when she moved to Nashville: she pretended to get engaged- literally out of the blue- and presented it in such a way as to deliberately give me a heart attack. Yikes, I thought. LOL. I mean as time went on it was clear that she was just fucking with me but… wow, lol.

She was GORGEOUS. Tailor made to my tastes. I mean, if you look at her back then, and you know me… you can tell, she was IT for me, especially back then.

We… drifted apart, though. I thought, after so much teasing, maybe… she didn’t need me anymore. And I started thinking maybe she would be happier without me- maybe that prank she pulled was her way of saying, subconsciously, that maybe she had outgrown me. And truth, I kept watching her videos, and she seemed so happy and free in her new house, so happy with her mother and other siblings, and… I got a bit jealous. Here she was, Cady Groves, normal chick, and she was more advanced than I was at the time- in some ways, she was outpacing me, at least as real life is concerned, and she knew it, and didn’t hesitate to rub it in my face, if only teasingly, and as funny and touching as that was I… drifted away, verrrrry slowly.

And so did she.

After awhile she stopped posting so much on instagram, and started, I think, to close up a bit on the real “her” and tried again to make it work again in the music industry. Her pictures became more airbrushed and posed and she started to look artificial, which I thought was not something that suited her so much, but that was her choice… and then… I don’t know. We just went our separate ways. I think, or at least, I did, because I thought I had to, I think.

I don’t know.

The last time I looked at her insta was last year, during a hospital visit. There was nothing there. Nothing new, at least. Nothing happy. I got the distinct vibe that something was very wrong. She seemed defeated, sad. Empty. Contrasting what I found there with the Cady I thought I knew, and her fun, ecstatic, happy self, was jarring. I just left.

At any rate, I was in the hospital. What could I do?

And then… I developed a dependence on prescription painkillers and had problems with them very similar to those that led her siblings to kill themselves. Yikes, yeah, but I would think about her sometimes, with all of that. But something told me to stay away. To avoid her, maybe to protect her, or myself. A nagging feeling, I guess.

So I did. And then she died, apparently by suicide, and looking at her insta now… yeah, I see it. She was sick. Extremely so, and it started to manifest publicly a couple of years after we started to drift apart.

I don’t know.

With all of that said, I just don’t know what to say.

I had her in the back of my mind, always. I just wasn’t sure, I was apprehensive. I don’t know.

I am sorry, Cady.

If there was a chance, I had always kept her as a possibility for me IRL, and in fact, she would be perfect now for me, for where I am.

I’m sorry, Cady. I can see it now in your posts. I know you loved me and I will always always cherish everything we did together and all the memories and everything we created together- every song, every video, every ecstasy, every smile, every laugh.

I want to tell you please, please don’t go. Please don’t do this, to yourself, to others. To me. Please don’t do this to the world, you are better than this.

Cady: I am selfish, maybe. Maybe I should have known earlier but if this was to happen, and it would have hit me when you died, I don’t know, I had and still have the problems your dead siblings had. I needed to not know. Do you understand?

I’m sorry, Cady.

God… I don’t know.

Would you have listened to me? What did you need? Cady? Can you hear me?

Maybe.

But not now.

I’m not interested in crying, not tonight. I will not look at her pictures, or anything. No memories. I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to remember coming home from work every night for a year and logging on as soon as I got home to see what she might have given me on instagram. No, I don’t want to remember that, or the fact that I love her music and take more pride in what we two created than essentially anything else. No, I don’t want to remember that, or even worse, to even consider the idea that I may have let her down. No, I don’t want to think about such things, not now, I have a whole weekend ahead of me to think about things slowly and peacefully, up in my room. I hope.

I just want to remember her beautiful face, and all that it meant to me, once upon a time. That beautiful girl, blowing me bubbles and tossing me kisses in her social media and teasing me because she was oh-so-happy and free and she knew how much I cherished her.

That I want to remember, and nothing else.

Am I selfish?

Cady, am I?

What do you think, love?

Please Cady, don’t go. Please.

I’m sorry, Cady.

I’m so sorry.

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I’m thinking now that I should make at least one dairy entry here every week. Because I think I need to. Just to ponder, if nothing else. Like, I’ll pick a topic and explore it, just to give my life some more perspective, and perhaps to reveal things to myself. So… yeah. It seems like a good idea. This week’s topic: Mall walking. Yup.

So- every week, I walk the mall.

Impressive, I know.

But seriously, it’s interesting. As in…. more interesting than I expected it would be.

A few thoughts:

1) The stores are all the same. It’s shocking. I live close to one of the biggest indoor malls out there- by far the biggest mall in the heart of one of the richest areas of the country (Northeastern Illinois), and you would expect there to be some variety in the shops present. There isn’t. At least, there isn’t much.

I swear that half the stores there sell primarily T-shirts, alongside a few trinkets here and there. And the T-shirts are basically all the same across the shops, with occasional small variations. And I do mean small. I swear to god that every freaking store that sells T-shirts these days has a Disney section. It’s like, one store sells a lot of Marvel, and a little Star Wars, and a little “Disney Princess” stuff. Another store will sell a lot of Star Wars, a little Marvel, and a little “Disney Princess” stuff. And the next might focus heavily on the “Disney Princess” stuff, with a little Star Wars and Marvel inventory on the side. It makes me wonder, seriously, why there is even a Disney store in the mall. I mean, what’s the point? Even the jewelry stores have Disney sections! And so do ALL of the gaming ones, for Star Wars games, at least. And ALL of the book and hobbyist stores, as well. And on top of that, we need a Disney store too? I mean, even the freaking Arcade has a Disney section! Not labeled as such, but it’s there. Are there people out there that seriously cannot find enough Disney stuff that they need a store that sells literally nothing but?

I remember back when I was a kid, when I cherished my Disney stuff because of it’s rarity and unique charm. I still have a lot of it, TBH. But now… it’s just so common. Would I care as much about it, were I young?

Probably not.

For my sake, the last few purchases I’ve made there were at the rock and mineral import store (I got some nice handcarved wooden keepsake boxes), and Sears, which is having it’s going out of business sale, right now- which brings me to point two.

2) The economy isn’t as good as they say it is. I know, I’ve talked about that ad naseum here, but it bears repeating, especially since the media and everyone else keeps parroting lines about how great things are. I don’t listen, because they’re wrong, and obviously so.

This is a major sticking point between me and the Trump admin. I dislike very much how he lies about the state of the economy. Things are not going well, like at all, and all it takes to realize this is a cursory glance at retail.

A LOT of shops and restaurants have gone out of business lately, both in the mall and around it. And many others are visibly struggling. And the mall itself seems empty of customers compared to how it was just ten, or even five years ago. And all of this, in the face of a population explosion in the local area. It doesn’t add up.

People are not spending money.

The mall clientèle is part of the problem. Too many illegals, for starters. Way too many, and not enough of anyone else.

But that isn’t the real problem, which is… hard to define.

It’s not Amazon. Or eBay. As I noted, the restaurants are struggling badly in this area, and you can’t get restaurant food online. And as I also noted, the population here keeps growing, so even if people are migrating to online shopping, the population boom should keep the malls healthy regardless.

But… nothing.

IDK. But I strongly suspect the problem is too much immigration.

I’m not sure how the dynamics work here, as this is something I just noted, but it seems as though excessive immigration somehow kills retail. It’s a bit counterintuitive, I know. The logic seems sound: invite people in, especially those with money, and the local shops will get more business. Seems logical, yeah? But, it doesn’t work out like that. It really seems as though immigration, even if it’s of the “rich Chinese immigrant” variety, kills local businesses for some reason.

I’ll need to ponder this some more. Maybe do some googling. Perhaps someone else can find the linkage I’m seeking.

See, I just don’t think it could be anything else. This area has money. Tons of it; it’s one of the richest places in the country, easily. And the mall I walk is the mall in this area. And we have the people. I just cannot think of anything else it could be.

The mall owners are going to undertake a project to refurnish and update the mall, I guess to stave off it’s decline. I don’t think it’s going to work.

And……

3) I’m famous. For real; as in famous famous. Like I’m some kind of B-list celebrity or something. As in, I can’t go to the mall or anywhere else anymore without girls knowingly smiling and winking at me.

I mean… they know.

That’s always been there, at least in the last 5 years. But lately, it’s been veering closer to actual celebrity. I’m recalling now something that happened last week. I was standing in line with my keepsake boxes at the mineral store, when the woman next to me realized who she was standing next to, and totally lost her composure. I mean… she lost it. And I know she knew who I was, because of how she started babbling to me about how cool I was, while reciting some of my memes and such. She put on such a production that she alarmed the cashier, and her shell shocked and embarrassed friend had to practically drag her out of the store.

It was…. interesting.

Very.

She didn’t ask for my autograph or anything, though. I mean, not that she could, because of how she was reacting, but still.

And now that I think about it, the girl at the local Costco seemed to be a fan, too, since she kept trying to impress me with stories that people think (know) that I respond well to.

Yikes.

I’m now thinking about my plans to move to L.A., which is the real heart of my status. What will people do there? IDK. Could be interesting, or not. We’ll have to see.

I’ll bet it will be interesting.

I’ll need to think some more, first.

I was going to continue this, but that’ll be next week. I hear fireworks outside, coming from the local amusement park.

K, bye self

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Hmmmn. Well….. wow.

You know, I was just doing some thinking. Like, A LOT of thinking.

God damn, I’m such a slut.

You know, I just reread my last post here, and jeez, I seriously cannot even believe myself at this point.

Truth- I started dating Karlie because I wanted to gain leverage over Taylor, and then I continued it after that was no longer relevant because 1) I needed more leverage over the traditional (supermodel-based) fashion industry, 2) I enjoyed the sheer exhibitionism of it, 3) she was from the Midwest like me, so we had that kinda compatibility thing going, and 4) I needed a tall girl to have sex with because all of my other girls are so much shorter than me. And then- after all of that wasn’t so important, I continued the affair anyways until it’s final days because I wanted leverage over the freaking US President, despite me secretly hating her new family. I just didn’t tell her, that’s all. Because that wasn’t to my advantage.

Gawwwwwd, Tom.

You know, I have pondered here and elsewhere about me possibly being a glorified hooker or escort. And now, looking at relationship with Karlie, it’s… reaaaallly hooker-ish. Backstabbing, catty, and vicious about sex in the way that a stereotypical real- world hooker would do things. TBH, it’s rather shockingly close to the strategies that gold diggers use.

“Rather shockingly close”. Right, Tom.

You know, a long time ago, I used to read online accounts from people who worked in shelters and charities that help reformed streetwalkers, and one thing I remember from those accounts was how consistent they were when describing the personalities of the ex- prostitutes. They all had a similar outlook and set of instinctive practices regarding sex and relationships and such, and, TBH, I saw in myself something similar. Perhaps that’s why I read so much of that stuff; it was a way for me to dissect my own inclinations.

Well….. IDK. I’m not sure I like where this is going, so I’m stopping here.

* sigh…… *

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Yeah, I’m finally, finally in the right place now. Finally. It’s been awhile.

I took out a lot of time, maybe too much, to study this stuff. I mean, I’m messing with the space time continuum, or something, and if I learned anything from Star Trek, it’s that you need to be cautious when doing such things. And I have been.

As it turns out, there doesn’t seem to be any harmful effects to doing the stuff I do. So, there’s no reason to worry. I’m just going to cut loose, and let the chips fall where they may.

Good.

And on that note, I really need to simplify my life, so if any of my girlfriends are reading this and you want to leave, by all means, please do so, and the quicker the better. I have too many, regardless. Like a half dozen too many, honestly.

Thank God or whomever that Karlie is officially out the door. No disrepsect to her, we did everything we needed to, but TBH, I’ve been looking for a way to untangle myself from her, and have been moving away from her since about Christmas I think. The issue there is that her association with Trump and his awful family finally started to get to me late last year. I ignored it for awhile, but I just…. can’t, anymore. I really just don’t like him or his family much, and TBH I don’t want much to do with them, like at all, even in my fantasy world.

After Trump was elected, I focused a lot of attention on Karlie because I thought I might need a foot in the door in that administration, but I never used it, since I never warmed up to Trump at all. I haven’t said a kind word to him on Twitter since he was inaugurated, and I would be surprised if I ever do, again.

So yes, her engagement is welcome news, at least to me, and it comes right when I need it the most. Awesome, congrats, Karlie, with whatever you choose to do with your life, IDK and IDC, TBH.

Honestly, good riddance.

Mean of me?

Sure, why not. The whole Trump family… yuck, gross. Nothing good to say about any of them. Slimy, dishonest, and traitorous.

And if anything, I think even less of the Kushners than the Trumps. Not news, I know; I’ve never made my dislike of them a secret, but seriously, the Kushners are probably the most punchable people on Earth. They’re just scum, not worthy of notice. The very definition of unearned privilege. And they’re not even Americans, so what do I care. I blame Trump and his awful, nasty family for involving this entire country in those…. people.

Yuck.

Ick.

You know… the more I think about it, the more I cannot wait to move her stuff onto the external. Just to get the Kushner slime out of my PC.

Ick.

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I wish that there was some kind of instruction manual for having superpowers and whatnot. All I have to go on are those old comics from my youth and such, and that often just isn’t enough.

And NOBODY has an instruction manual for being the Anti-Christ, if that is in fact what I really am.

* sigh *….

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Well……..

Hmmmmn.

A few things:

1) I need to get back into blogging. Like, soon. lol. Everyone thinks so, I suppose, including Ms. Duetch, if the hidden messages in her most recent movie are to be believed. And yeah, I see it. I should write. I mean, I’m good at it, and it’s fun, and it’s a really great way to spread my wings. So… yeah. Blogging it is.

2) If I were you, I would reread the first post in this series.

3) Because I’m me, this post is going to be a few things: It’s going to be A) introspective, B) about my obsessions / fantasies, and most importantly, C) it’s going to be kinda awed / scared of my own powers and such. (Yes, I just did the whole double-nested thing. And proud of it.)

Ok, now….

Zoey is an interesting bird. A very interesting one indeed. Super, super…. yeah ok, here goes.

I’m not sure but I’m seriously wondering now how much of her life has been wrapped around me.

My relationship with Z has taken a much more serious turn as of late. Much, much more serious. We talk a lot, and I’m fantasizing about her a lot more than I used to. More than anyone else, really. I also am seriously considering a move to California (for reasons beyond “Hollywood” believe it or not), and I’ve been picking her brain for info that I could use regarding that subject. See, Cali is good for software programmer types like I am. It can be very good. So… why not? The opportunity to run into a girl or two of mine would be just icing on the cake, really.

So, Zoey and I have been more “together” now than ever before, which has got me thinking. In particular, I question this:

How much of her life has been influenced by my powers?

This is a VERY relevant and important question. VERY. This is somewhat a sticking point, because the route that I’m taking right now is going to put me on a collision course with her if I’m not careful, and the results could be… IDK, really. No idea, and so I need to figure this thing out.

See, her mom was probably my first real obsession, and if I had any powers at all back then (I was utterly obsessed with her when I was 15), then it’s very possible that my influence rubbed off on Zoey from a very young age for her.

Case in point- I remember distinctly Lea’s appearance in Parade magazine, back in the mid-90’s. I remember it because it was the start of my adult obsession with her, and in many ways the start of my sexual obsession with celebs. See- she had a nipple slip on the cover of the magazine. It wasn’t caught by anyone but me, but I distinctly remember it. I wish I still had it; I had to get rid of it when I left for college. But yes it was there.

That, combined with Lea being the first celeb chick I saw topless on the net, cemented my obsession with her and my interest in all of this.

And so now- here I sit, 20-ish years later, formulating my fantasies (amongst other things) with her daughter, whom I read about in that magazine, over and over again, back when she was only a year old.

How much did I change Zoey’s early life, if at all? I mean- I didn’t- I couldn’t have steered her in this direction, could I have? To become my ultimate fantasy chick, to replace her mom?

Impossible. Kinda. Well… it’s that whole question again, like with the Marvel movies. There are SO MANY COINCIDENCES.

I don’t know. I grew up with Lea. I saw Back to the Future and Howard the Duck dozens of times when I was a kid. Literally dozens. Honestly, Lea’s the chick I started all of this for. I had such a crush on her back then that it wasn’t even funny. And so NOW… what? What is the situation, here, exactly? If I bump into Zoey at some point, I could easily bump into her mom, too. And then we’re back at square one, aren’t we? I don’t know.

How powerful am I? And how long has this reality-warping stuff been going on with me?

My question has to do with how much Zoey’s recent films have been shaped around my life- I mean, the stuff that I do on a day to day basis. The correlation is extremely strong (just misspelled as “string”, natch. Sigh.). I’m getting rather disturbing visions now of my powers jumping off from her mom onto her back when she was a baby, and kind of twisting her development around my fantasies and desires.

I’m probably looking too much into this.

I mean… that CAN’T be real.

I wish I could find the cover of that issue of Parade on the internet. I can find the interview inside, but not the cover with the nip slip. Dammit.

At any rate, it’s just… IDK, eerie.

But you know what? I also don’t care much, and I don’t think I should.

Lately I’ve been uncorking something close to my full powers on girlfriends. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that; usually I just bottle all of that up, but this time… no. I’m letting them have it, full bore. And I’m going to keep at it, until I reach 100% of my maximum. Typically, I would just run from this stuff, but no more. I DON’T CARE. I’m seeing this through to the end, one way or another, because… IDK. I just feel like it. It’s not “cheating”, it’s just what I do.

You know what? Honestly, fuck it. Honestly. I just don’t care anymore.

So there.

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Wow, sure has been awhile.

I’ve written a few blog posts since my last one, but not posted anything. I might post them just to archive them for myself, personally. I didn’t post anything mostly because 1) I got sick- very, very sick; and 2) I was curious to see how things would unfold nationally if I just stepped away for awhile.

I learned a lot by not doing. Someday, I might talk more about the knowledge I gained from merely watching things, but not today. I can feel my writing skills getting rustier by the minute, so I need to attend to that little problem and fix of it what I can.

Well… so. This post.

I saw the Oscars on Sunday, and thought that I might discuss my thoughts and feeling about it, since I’ve had a few days to digest what I saw. So, here goes….

The Oscars were…. interesting. Not funny. Not inspiring. Certainly not enjoyable. But it was interesting, more for what was not said than what was expressed out loud (in some cases, very, very loud) by the attendees.

My overall impression is this: Hollywood is scared. Scared, of the present, but mostly of the future, and also more than a little angry at the world.

Watching the Oscars this year was far from pleasant. It left me with a sick feeling in my stomach. You know how when you’re in the same room with someone extremely fearful and anxious, that you can’t help but feel anxious yourself? That’s how I felt after the show had concluded. I felt profoundly uneasy. It was disconcerting as hell, and jarring considering how I used to feel in years past after watching the show.

I remember watching the Oscars as a teen in the 90’s and feeling awed and inspired. Hell, alone amongst my friends, I used to look forward to them. To me, the Oscars meant class, confidence and style. Man…. wow. The way things used to be, haha. This year, the feeling I got from the attendees was that of desperation. I pitied them somewhat; a weird reaction, but I guess a reasonable one, considering the state of things.

The Oscars just aren’t relevant anymore. They don’t seem to count for anything. Off the top of my head, I can’t even remember the names of most of the best picture winners, let alone the nominees of this decade. Hell, it literally took me like 5 minutes of hard thinking and head scratching to remember that “Moonlight” won best picture last year, and that was only because I remembered the envelope snafu. I have no idea who took home best picture 2 years ago. Literally no clue.

Though I do remember that Fargo, As Good as it Gets, Schindler’s List, and Titanic won back in the 90’s.

In a way, the Oscars’ plight is a mirror of the problems facing Hollywood in general. People don’t really go to the movies much anymore, at least, not like they used to. Certainly the younger generation doesn’t. In the war for their entertainment dollars, the xBox has utterly crushed Hollywood, especially in that still crucially important demographic of young white males.

And it doesn’t look as though that’s changing anytime soon, except in the way that Hollywood doesn’t want it to go. Hence, I suppose, Hollywood’s fear. Video games are annihilating film as the entertainment choice for young people. And so is social media of course. And Netflix obviously. In fact things have become so bad that even for me it feels weirdly antiquated to actually go to a theater to watch a movie, and I mean ANY movie. Even stuff like Star Wars.

For the Oscars, as THE symbol of the status of the moviegoing experience, the writing is on the wall, and they know it. Their status as a cultural force peaked decades ago, and has been in a gradual slide downward since. Today, they are teetering on irrelevancy. And not even because of the record low ratings. It’s just… nobody cares. It’s all so boring, so old, and staid.

In a way, the show’s bloated 4 hour running time is a kind of effrontery of that fact. It’s like a rejection of the accusation that the show doesn’t matter anymore. Which, I’ll bet, is why they refuse to pare it down. Because to whittle it down to 2 hours would be to publicly admit their reduced status.

So… the diversity push. To me it came across like the Oscars think it’s their last chance. In a way, the 4 hour diversity push that was Sunday’s show reminds me of the constant diversity pushes of the legacy media, like CNN and the newspapers. The feeling seems to be: “White people have lost interest in us, so we’re going to represent the interests of the minorities, whether they like it or not.” To me, the sheer aggressiveness and relentlessness of the politics on display was too much to be anything other than an expression of profound insecurity. They literally doth protest too much, as if by trying to be as loud as possible, they can get someone, anyone, to take them seriously and pay attention to them again.

So, yeah, it was fear that I saw. And it was unsettling, and not entertaining, like at all.

I still doubt very much the wisdom of even pushing diversity at all. It’s a huge, huge gamble that may not pay off, and may backfire terribly. As I said before on this blog, the international audiences do not need diversity from Hollywood. Today, the Chinese can make their own big budget films. They just need to actually do so, and they will, with time. They don’t need Hollywood’s pandering. The question is, then, do they want it, and I’m betting that they don’t.

The story is much the same across all of Asia these days, as well as Europe. Bid budget spectacle can be done by dozens of countries.

And if diversity fails… it fails, and hard. Witness the backlash to The Last Jedi. It made money, yes, but at what ultimate cost to the franchise?

But I’m getting close to veering off topic.

For the Oscars, the future looks bleak as hell. I can’t imagine anyone will care much about the nominees of the year 2038, assuming of course the show is even still around by then. 20 years of declining ratings, staring from this year’s record lows, would be unimaginably brutal. IDK, maybe they’ll find some way to desperately hang on by the skin of their teeth, like the newspapers and news magazines. Who knows.

But for me… I won’t care much. To be honest, the only reason I watched myself was to see Emma Stone, because she looked amazing. I probably shouldn’t have, because there was unfortunately like a three hour stretch of the show where I literally didn’t see her at all. It’s a good thing I had other stuff to do, then.

*Yawn*….

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A lot of people have said a lot of things about Trump’s DACA thing, today. But as far as I can tell, nobody has said anything about the only issue that really matters, here.

Are we a democracy, or not?

And if we’re not, than why should anyone care about any of these losers in politics?

The demographic that matters here is the same one that always matters the most. White, working class men. The people who vote. The people who run the vast majority of our nation’s businesses. The people who will ultimately decide the future of the country.

Are they going to get what they voted for, for once? Or are they not? And if they’re not, than why the hell should any of them care one bit about Trump, or Obama, or any of those idiots?

I saw much of the press conference that Trump’s spokeswoman gave, and read the comments from Trump today. And I read what Obama said, and what the celebrities said, and about what the media outlets were saying. Not one person- not even ONE- framed this issue correctly.

This issue is not about “opportunity”. It’s not about children, or even immigration. It’s about whether or not the white, working class male demo is going to stay loyal to the empire or not.

Are we a democracy, or are we not? And if we’re not, than what is the point?

Trump, as usual, punted. Just like I said so many times earlier, he’s a Bush with a different haircut.

The oligarchs just continue to dig themselves in deeper and deeper.

It would have been better, and easier, and more logical, for them to have simply bowed to the power of the working classes and ended DACA on day 1 of Trump’s admin.

As it stands, the oligarchs need to get the fuck over themselves, and fast.

They are in danger here of losing everything, and they will, the second the white working classes say, finally, to hell with the empire and the assholes that run it. At that moment, the party is over, and it ain’t never coming back.

This- THIS- is the thing to fear, here. Fuck all other concerns. Those can and should be shelved.

Trump had better pray that people take to him over all of this hurricane bullshit. He’d better pray that this North Korea nonsense actually works. If it doesn’t, he’s doomed, and so are the rest of them.

The clock is ticking.

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